Stay or Leave

LegacyUser

Ok first I'm new to this and really nead some sound advice. Have been with bf for 11/12 years I'm fast approaching 30 and really want to get married as i would love children. We have talked about marriage and children but yet he still has not asked me to marry him. My patience is running out fast at this stage and honestly think i would leave but we have a mortage together. The sound of my clock is getting louder and i am becoming very envious of friends and family who are getting married and having children around me. I should be happy for them but the green eyed monster is getting in the way.

I can't bring this up with my bf because I don't want him to marry me because i want him to but because he wants to. What im trying to say is i don't want to pressure him or give him ultimatums thats not the way i want to start the rest of my life.

Please don't suggest that i ask him to marry me, I really feel this is a mans job.

SarahSassy

You are in a tricky situation and I know where you are coming from re not proposing. I guess you know you have no choice other than wait and see or leave...

No one can tell you what to do. If you do decide to leave him dont do it hoping that he will come running he may not.

TBH he has it too handy now and dont feel the need to do anything esp being on the expense or pressure of a wedding. If you can cope with this fine but if not you may need to move on before it starts to come between you.

John Mason

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok first I'm new to this and really nead some sound advice. Have been with bf for 11/12 years I'm fast approaching 30 and really want to get married as i would love children. We have talked about marriage and children but yet he still has not asked me to marry him. My patience is running out fast at this stage and honestly think i would leave but we have a mortage together. The sound of my clock is getting louder and i am becoming very envious of friends and family who are getting married and having children around me. I should be happy for them but the green eyed monster is getting in the way.

I can't bring this up with my bf because I don't want him to marry me because i want him to but because he wants to. What im trying to say is i don't want to pressure him or give him ultimatums thats not the way i want to start the rest of my life.

Please don't suggest that i ask him to marry me, I really feel this is a mans job.

#errr..................what you mean you cant talk to him about it???

this is a decision you are supposed to make together

he probably has no idea you feel like this, he probably thinks you are happy with the way things are

boys are not mind readers you know

puglover

Unregistered wrote: »

I can't bring this up with my bf because I don't want him to marry me because i want him to but because he wants to. What im trying to say is i don't want to pressure him or give him ultimatums thats not the way i want to start the rest of my life.

Please don't suggest that i ask him to marry me, I really feel this is a mans job.

Am you won't ask him but you expect him to be able to ask you??? talk about double standards.

If you refuse to talk to him about this, asking for advice here is pointless. No-one on here is going to make him ask you. After 11/12 years you should have no problem with having this conversation, bite the bullet

MLE

I feel for you op. I used to feel like that for a year or so after I moved in with my oh.

We had discussed marriage and kids in the past and then it seemed that we couldn't discuss it as I didnt want him to propose because he felt pressured into it.

We didnt discuss it and after a year he proposed and now we are married 5 years with 2 kids.

I have no advice to offer but just to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel.

greatandgood

Going out 11/12 years and no proposal is annoying, I'll agree. I wouldn't necessarily let the issue of friends having kids bother me, you're not even 30 yet right? Plenty of time so, it really isn't make or break it stage from that point of view.

I'd be more worried that after 12 years you can't talk to you boyfriend about this, it's not just his decision you know! I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the happiness of the rest of my life completely in another person's hands, you need to take some control of the situation. This means sitting down with you bf and saying, "where is this going, where do you see our future, do you want to settle down or is there more you want to do" etc. etc..

Basically you need to take an active role in the relationship if you want to have an influence on its direction. That may not suit your romantic ideal of how a proposal should go but it looks like that's the only option you're left with at this stage.

MIN2511

Wait, what's wrong with you asking him to marry you?