Guy needs advice on fashion/appearance

Copper23

Hi all,
I hope this is left in this section...

Basically I broke up with last girlfriend nearly 2 years ago. I'm 24, I go out a lot with friends but I get ZERO interest from girls.

I'd love if someone could help me with me general appearance.
Currently, I'm 6ft. I'm about 13st. Not fat but probably more soft than chiseled appearance. I've light brown nearly blondish hair. I keep my hair short, I'm not balding but my hair is thin so doesn't grow out well. The fringe sort of curls a bit which I can't get rid of. I think my cheeks are a little chubby, maybe its the way I'm looking in the mirror I don't know.

I try to dress and look well but a lot of the time I feel I'm not looking good enough as guys and girls around me when I'm out. I wear glasses to work, I don';t think they're really dorky but wear contacts when going anywhere else anyway.

I don't think I'm hopeless but I ask family and friends if I look ok and everyone just says "your fine". I hear girls talking all the time about "oh, that guys hot, oh yeah look at him"... ok, I don't want to be this shallow but I've had one girlfriend, she dumped me, its been 2 years. I'd love to resemble somewhat the type of guy that some girls might be interested in or think look cool and might give me a chance. I'd give anything for an honest opinion from someone but people really won't say "oh yeah, you're so ugly, you should try this...". I really wish they would be honest.

Can anyone point me in general direction of fashion advice or anyone will to offer help or guidance.

I'd just love to get tis straight and maybe be what girls are looking for.

Thanks, much appreciated any help.

xxxevelinexxx

Copper23 wrote: »

Hi all,
I hope this is left in this section...

Basically I broke up with last girlfriend nearly 2 years ago. I'm 24, I go out a lot with friends but I get ZERO interest from girls.

I'd love if someone could help me with me general appearance.
Currently, I'm 6ft. I'm about 13st. Not fat but probably more soft than chiseled appearance. I've light brown nearly blondish hair. I keep my hair short, I'm not balding but my hair is thin so doesn't grow out well. The fringe sort of curls a bit which I can't get rid of. I think my cheeks are a little chubby, maybe its the way I'm looking in the mirror I don't know.

I try to dress and look well but a lot of the time I feel I'm not looking good enough as guys and girls around me when I'm out. I wear glasses to work, I don';t think they're really dorky but wear contacts when going anywhere else anyway.

I don't think I'm hopeless but I ask family and friends if I look ok and everyone just says "your fine". I hear girls talking all the time about "oh, that guys hot, oh yeah look at him"... ok, I don't want to be this shallow but I've had one girlfriend, she dumped me, its been 2 years. I'd love to resemble somewhat the type of guy that some girls might be interested in or think look cool and might give me a chance. I'd give anything for an honest opinion from someone but people really won't say "oh yeah, you're so ugly, you should try this...". I really wish they would be honest.

Can anyone point me in general direction of fashion advice or anyone will to offer help or guidance.

I'd just love to get tis straight and maybe be what girls are looking for.

Thanks, much appreciated any help.

O.M.G your only 24 , stop been so hard on yourself ,would you rather meet somebody now and be unhappy and we all know people like that ,or wait for some one nice ???? ,as for your weight once your healthy you have nothing to worry about ,ive one question do you DRINK ALOT when your out????

Copper23

Well I know some guys attract a lot of girls, I don't attract only a few, I attract ZERO... ZERO attention in 2 years. I think I need to work on myself a bit. At least give myself the best option.

Most of my friends, girls and guys, always hook upw hen we go out and I get down, not cos I want to hook up with randomers but cos I'm always the one leaving alone and wonder why nobody ever likes me.

I just want to improve myself but find it so hard to get real honest advice.

I used to drink a lot when I went out. I suppose a year ago after the breakup I just went out with the lads and drank myself to stupidity, but its not good for my health or weight so I've copped on and cut way back.

OldGoat

hya Copper.
Firstly, don't be offended by what I'm gonna say.
Fashion and style is about attitude and confidence. The clothes don't matter if you are confident in carrying them. You need to come out of your shell a bit more and relax in the company of women. Trying too hard will not endear you to anyone. Gaining more confidence in yourself is more a matter for personal Issues Forum.
However, having said that, you should stand in front of the mirror and give yourself a honest appraisel. No sucking your belly in, no thinking that your cheeks are only chubby because of the way you are looking at them. Be very honest with yourself. When you have the full picture you can start to build a wardrobe that will complement your body shape. If you a little soft (as you discribe) then looking at skinny jeans and peajackets will do you no favours. Don't hide behind baggy jumpers and jeans either cos that will only draw attention to and excentuate any horrors you are trying to hide.
Work on a style of your own and this will add to your confidence. Woman are attracted to confidence, indivudaulty, humour, hygene and respect. Master those and you will rule the world.

giddybootz

Hi OP,

I worked in fashion retail for years and have to say I loved working in the mens section. I really enjoyed helping guys find a style that suited them rather than just buying what was 'so in right now'!!

Old Goat is totally right in what he says....confidence is so important. A bit of a swagger to say "yeah I look pretty good tonight"!! Also good manners are very attractive!

It's hard to help you find a good style without seeing/knowing you. What are your interests/what sort of nightspots do you go to/what type of music do you like etc??
Also what sort of budget....H&M/Topman/River Island? Urban Outfitters/All Saints/BT2?

Feel free to pm me....i will help ya out if I can!! Some shops have really nice helpful staff that want to see customers happy with their purchases and will help you pick out stuff to suit your shape & colouring...just ask!! Its best to go in when it's quiet though.

speedboatchase

Before you start spending money on clothes I really recommend you read "The Game" from Neil Strauss as it will help you work on attracting girls and your self-belief. Clothes make the man but unless you're comfortable in your own skin first you won't project the self-confidence to make the right impression

ladyface

I agree with old goat too...

my advice would be try and be a bit unique, just subtle changes to your style. If your willing to stand out from the crowd it shows u have confidence..and confidence is very attractive ( not cockiness!) Good hygene is a given..and a nice aftershave!

Listen to a girl when she speaks to you, have a genuine interest in her and it will work wonders.

I also think a bit of old fashioned chivalry can go a long way, give a girl your seat, open a door for a lady and offer to buy her a drink.

Humour is always great too...if you can make a girl laugh u'll be on to a winner.

To be honest, clothing and style is a tiny part of getting a girl..so relax and enjoy ur night and don't always be on the look out. Ur only 24!

Hope this helps!;)

Copper23

Ok all thanks,
I didn't put this in personal issues cos it was a genuine request for advice on fashion and appearance, theres lots out there for girls, not for guys really so thats why I asked.

I would have though trying to improve myself would be a positive things.

Thanks to the person who said read the Game, actually read it and it makes sense but you can only make up so many dramatic stories about people fighting outside and asking random questions before people you know start to look at you a bit odd. Works a bit for Flash game, approaching randomers and getting their attention I guess sometimes.

Thanks for the other advice. Chivalry and all that is grand, I'm always respectful and do that sort of thing only cos I was raised that way, in reality it doesn't really get you any fans. Really, you're not gonna all of a sudden have a massive urge to meet somone cos he offered you a seat or held a door. You just say thanks and be on your way.

OldGoat

Copper23 wrote: »

Ok all thanks,
I didn't put this in personal issues cos it was a genuine request for advice on fashion and appearance, theres lots out there for girls, not for guys really so thats why I asked.

Welllll, admittadly there is not as much out there as there is for women but there is a lot. Google is your friend.

I would have though trying to improve myself would be a positive things.

It's a very positive thing and I hope that nothing said here seemed to be contrary to that.

Really, you're not gonna all of a sudden have a massive urge to meet somone cos he offered you a seat or held a door. You just say thanks and be on your way.

Balderdash! Never ever turn down the oppertunity to make a good impression. It will pay dividends. I'm sure that the majority of the women reading here will agree.

As for a suggestion as to style I say go sharp. Get a suit or smart jacket & trousers. Power up on accessories i.e. a good watch, belt, shoes. Avoid skinny cut flat front trousers, find something double pleated if tyou can. Add a flash of colour with a pocket square or tie with a good shirt.

speedboatchase

I'll send you a big ass PM on my break at 1 so look out for it OP

EDIT: Sent

xxxevelinexxx

Copper23 wrote: »

Well I know some guys attract a lot of girls, I don't attract only a few, I attract ZERO... ZERO attention in 2 years. I think I need to work on myself a bit. At least give myself the best option.

Most of my friends, girls and guys, always hook upw hen we go out and I get down, not cos I want to hook up with randomers but cos I'm always the one leaving alone and wonder why nobody ever likes me.

I just want to improve myself but find it so hard to get real honest advice.

I used to drink a lot when I went out. I suppose a year ago after the breakup I just went out with the lads and drank myself to stupidity, but its not good for my health or weight so I've copped on and cut way back.

well you seem to know what you want ,stick with good people ,who know you and care for you ,some times its the so called friends around you that make you feel inadequate ,as for fashion there is loads you can wear cause your tall and filled out ,

anotherlostie

It sounds to me like you're not happy with your weight, and if so, the first thing to do is shed those excess pounds. We're coming into the long evenings now, so there's all the more incentive to get out there, even if it's only an hour's walk a day. I did that years ago and lost 3 stone off a smaller frame than your's in 5 months. Naturally I also cut out all the crap food and quit drinking for the first month of it - keep a food diary as a good incentive to eat well.

After a few months my face shape had changed and I got new specs and a new hairstyle and only when the weight was lost did I start buying new clothes. It is such a great feeling buying stuff two sizes smaller than before, and it does look better on you - clothes are designed to fit, not cover. I never used get any attention in bars, and that all changed too, so to all those who say that people are not superficial, I say bullsh*t! And if you're clueless when it comes to shopping, Debenhams may still offer a personal shopper service who will advise you on what styles suit you (maybe someone else can say if they do). Best of luck.

Snowie

OldGoat wrote: »

You need to come out of your shell a bit more and relax in the company of women. Trying too hard will not endear you to anyone.

hes right man ever here a losing team they tend to say soem thing like we tried are hardiest

winner say we new what we had to do and did it

as for style man i wear colours thats what i pull of other guys wear chacky and dark green and browns/ blacks.....

it depends what your style is are yo a concervitive or a stylish sporty? etc

il gatto

Ask some girl you know. I was bitching years ago about not getting much attention when I was out and I was told by several girls that I looked sullen, unapproachable and like I didn't care if they spoke to me or not. Far from being shocked and horrified, my next question was "So I look o.k., right?".
6ft and 13 stone? You don't need to loose weight. Maybe convert some of it to muscle, but less than that and you'd probably look lanky.
And if you're not sure about clothes, take no risks. Short back and sides, clean shaven going out, basic jeans or chino type slacks and a plain (black, brown, white etc.) shirt. Get yourself a nice sportscoat or leather jacket and you're good to go. Splash of something nice and a bit different like Rive Gauche or Mugler Cologne is often a way to stand out from a scrum of Lynx and Joop scented oiks as well.

Copper23

Thanks guys,
I'll take sugestions on board. I feel I#m doing a lot of what has been suggested already so I.its nice to know I'm not too far off track. I just dont understand the ZERO interest from anyone. Its very demoralising at this stage.

Banrion

HOw could I not reply? You poor pet.
I met my now husband 5 years ago. \i can give you a bit of a lowdown on what I as a young singleton would have liked in a bloke.
When I used to be out in my wild single days, I never was attracted to wild, cocky, well dressed, coiffed fellas. I didnt want a man spending more time on his appearance than I. I wanted the man who drives a crock, the man whose hair is grown a bit awry, the man with an endearing dress sense....yes sounds weird but you know the way country blokes dress with the stripey shirts (LOVE that). To me, the quiet man in the corner was the interesting one. The one who looked like he was just sitting back while all his friends went nuts but if you talked to him he wuold have plenty to say and would have intelligent input to any conversation. In short, the man with confidence in himself. Not outward in your face confidence. But the confidence where he likes himself, he knows that his opinions are important, a man who wants to meet a woman but isnt pretending that hes just out to get drunk.
Id be a fairly outgoing confident girl myself so maybe thats why i like the quiet confident ones but I know im yabbering but there is SO much more to a bloke than his clothes. I couldnt give a rattlers what my fella wore so long as he was neat and tidy and smelt good....mmmm.
Gosh I could go on and on

Banrion

Here I go again but its funny there are the men who drive the big mercs and all and I presume they look powerful and well oiled.
But I would look twice at the young fella driving the 96 fiesta and looking like he didnt give a sh1t.
Its all confidence. Believe in yourself.

fonpokno

It's true what everyone else is saying. Confidence is key but it's important to avoid cockiness too. Also, do note that a lot of girls wouldn't approach a guy. I know I'd be far too shy to ever do it as would most of my friends. So there may be interest there but they just aren't making the first move.

If you want to redo your dress sense or something, would you consider a personal shopper? I think they do it free in Debenhams where they'll just take you around the shop and they'll be able to tell you what styles would flatter you and make the most of your body.

Also on a side note, I love glasses on a guy. Wear them out sometimes and see if it makes a difference.