Emotionally Stunted Committment-phobic

miders

well just wondering has anyone been in similar situation as i on past two relationships!!(or have i the worlds worst luck?)

1st relationship.... lasted 7months lovely guy great chemistry great connection met family ...then he said im not ready for a relationship i cant see you anymore......ok fair enough was upset but still talk as friends

2nd fairly recent.... lastest 4 months he started things with me, came up chatting to me asked for number few days later asked out went out loadsa times dinner dancing cinema circus lunch the works. loadsa reassurances and good signals he was interested...asked to be serious as in girlfriend i said yes i really liked him!!!three weeks later outta blew AGAIN!!! same thing..."im not ready for a serious relationship....i like you but ive hit a wall i got too emotionally into you and this is what i do retreat!i cant do it..."

thats a good bit off my chest now!!!any opinions gratefully x

Oh The Humanity

Could you be responding too quickly to their opening up to you? Sometimes even if you initiated the interest yourself -if someone seems to move too fast it can be offputting.

I find unless relationships grow organically ie, both sides moving at sort of the same comfortable rate then they crash and burn too early.

So what I am trying to say is I understand they initiated contact and took it onto the girlfriend/boyfriend level, but did you aquiesce to that quite quickly? -because if so they may have become spooked and paranoid that you are needy...

Like I can definitely tell the difference between someone who is acting disinterested but underneath it really wants to be in a relationship and someone who is going at the same pace as me just feeling their way along....

Obviously theough this is total guesswork just based on your post!!

Sinall

You've had a bad run of it OP, but don't worry! It sounds like they got carried away and then panicked when they felt they were in too deep too quickly.

I agree with Oh The Humanity about relationships growing organically and moving at the same rate.

Your post is all about how "they" felt - what were you feeling at the time? Were you happy with the way things were going/speed at which they were progressing? If not, then the relationships may not have lasted anyway. It you weren't sure as well then maybe they just called time on it earlier - just speculation here!

miders

how i felt?well with the first i probably did jump in to fast as really found someone that was amazing and made me feel so happy.the more recent i laid back went with the flow let him set the pace and was happy moving along.really happy!!felt excited at this new relationship loved being in this company felt great chemistry and a connection and good common ground.

Oh The Humanity

Well, from what I can see, you haven't done anything wrong then. OP, curses on the universe is all I can say. Sometimes its just dumb bad luck.....

The only thing I can say is next time, proceed much more slowly, dont get exited too early, dont always let the man set the pace either.

Maintain equal say and control over proceedings, people like a bit of a challenge, if someone agrees to everything your way, you dont have as much of a frission with them I find....

Anyway, dont beat yourself up...!

miders

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Well, from what I can see, you haven't done anything wrong then. OP, curses on the universe is all I can say. Sometimes its just dumb bad luck.....

The only thing I can say is next time, proceed much more slowly, dont get exited too early, dont always let the man set the pace either.

Maintain equal say and control over proceedings, people like a bit of a challenge, if someone agrees to everything your way, you dont have as much of a frission with them I find....

Anyway, dont beat yourself up...!

thats wats frustrating i feel ive done nothing wrong!!these "men" are adults, is it just abnormal these days to want a nice relationship??my friends are finding it difficult to find a mature man who wants more than a one night thing too!