Truth gets perverted by expectation, philosophical/psychological dilemma?

Affable

Can you help me with this philosophical dilemma? It really disturbs me.
Only a minor example but it really got to me the truth had been twisted.
Clinical Psychologist asks me about my entanglements with the opposite sex. Hard to explain but the question was leading.
I'm then thinking if I say I have had plenty of sexual experience, I know her perception is going to be that I'm trying to boost my ego and talking myself up in a needy way to enhance my masculinity,so I end letting her believe I haven't slept around, then she then projects onto me that I'm a virgin and starts reassuring me, 'you don't have to feel pressurised to sleep with people'. So she's cast me in a role that isn't me and that is pitiful by manipulation. Then I comment casually I've never had a serious relationship, and she uses patronising tone to reassure me I'lll find it. Not kindness in my eyes but patronising.
Am I right to believe this woman was ******* with my heed?
Can anyone give me any insights on how they would deal with this? Does my confusion and disturbance make sense?
I know we can go with the flow more and be happy, but I'd like to know how to resolve these complex issues and feel more empowered in the future.

collegegal

you should have just put her straight in the first place

Affable

collegegal wrote: »

you should have just put her straight in the first place

Yeah but you can see the quandry, if you think too hard. I didn't want to say I'd done plenty of sex, becuase she made this judgemental face and was kind ofhavign expectation of me, she kept looking smug and thinking I was dumb. I felt steered and manipulated by her intellect constantly. I have come across some highyl intelligent women before who have liekd me to some degree but almost tried to put it inot my head that I was not much, like to control me or somethin. It's weird.

Maybe other people cover these feelings by assertiong their rights and it works, but when i do it I feel i will be seen as needy for validation or defensive so i get trapped into letting them pain another truth. I neede to let her know a positive aspwect without her making me feeel like I'm bull****ting to make myself feel good. This was all manipualtion on her part. It's like she was trying to excavate my true nature and make the casual sex, whcih was true, into a lie because it 'wasnt really me'.

Then she tried to paint me as proper and that some people wouldnt want me, and i was naive to think they would. I left the convo feeling patronised and angry, she tryed to paint me as this super homely guy, it was horrid.

maninamousesuit

if you are seeing a psychologist then your honest answer is the right one...if you feel that this is a loaded question then say "i think this question is loaded and i dont really know how to answet it"
if she is worth her salt then she will be able to deal with it...seeing a psychologist or counsellor (as i am) it only works if you are frank and honest..if a question bugs you then say that it bugs you! Nuff said!

Affable

maninamousesuit wrote: »

if you are seeing a psychologist then your honest answer is the right one...if you feel that this is a loaded question then say "i think this question is loaded and i dont really know how to answet it"
if she is worth her salt then she will be able to deal with it...seeing a psychologist or counsellor (as i am) it only works if you are frank and honest..if a question bugs you then say that it bugs you! Nuff said!

Yeah I know but the question was leading. It wasn't asked like have you had sexual experience. I suppose it was a just a more general point about how I can't allow people away with perverting the truth to create a bad impression of me. You could call it paranoia. It's basically a question of how to not allow people to manipulate things. It's the same with the old being single for a long time thing. I don't do things all for appearances, I'm a thinker that likes to treasure the solitary life and my pursuite, but it'll get turned into 'yuo lack confidence with women' or whatever.

maninamousesuit

dont worry about it. your room with the psychologist should be a safe place..where your words will never be used by anyone other than for your benefit...so impressions dont matter...only honesty...if you can, trust the process..if not get another psychologist. or a counsellor

Affable

maninamousesuit wrote: »

dont worry about it. your room with the psychologist should be a safe place..where your words will never be used by anyone other than for your benefit...so impressions dont matter...only honesty...if you can, trust the process..if not get another psychologist. or a counsellor

Yes I guess...just worried about how it could happen in reality

collegegal

as the saying goes, the more you do it the better you get at it...you have to be honest for yourself OP and dont be worried about others opinion or perceptions of you....be yourself and thats all you can be...if people judge you for being yourself, then they are not worth your time...

as for your psychologist, I question their merits...and would probably consider changing psychologist tbh....I am seeing a psychologist myself, and the only way it will work is if you are honest with yourself and the psychologist.....dont be railroaded cos whats the point going there if you cant be honest??

maninamousesuit

ok i see what you mean.. you have to leap into the void and take the chance that this person is trustworthy. trust is the key because if you feel you have to watch what you say you will miss the point. this is your life. do not edit what you say or there will be no benefit

JuliusCaesar

Affable wrote: »

becuase she made this judgemental face and was kind ofhavign expectation of me, she kept looking smug and thinking I was dumb.

Affable wrote: »

I felt steered and manipulated by her intellect constantly.

Affable wrote: »

I feel i will be seen as needy for validation or defensive

Affable wrote: »

This was all manipualtion on her part.

In other words, you interpreted how you thought she was thinking and tried therefore to create a certain impression in her mind. You were being manipulated by yourself into creating a false image of yourself, which you thought would be more impressive/acceptable to the psychologist. You're too busy thinking about the impression you're making, to be yourself.

That's not an honest conversation! Yes it's difficult to be honest, especially when you want to be liked or when you try to please someone else, but you are really overthinking things in the conversation. Keep trying and tell her what your mind is telling you to do, or what your mind is telling you about how to be. She's not a mindreader and neither are you.

Sorry if this is coming across as harsh. I do not mean to be.

Affable

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

In other words, you interpreted how you thought she was thinking and tried therefore to create a certain impression in her mind. You were being manipulated by yourself into creating a false image of yourself, which you thought would be more impressive/acceptable to the psychologist. You're too busy thinking about the impression you're making, to be yourself.

That's not an honest conversation! Yes it's difficult to be honest, especially when you want to be liked or when you try to please someone else, but you are really overthinking things in the conversation. Keep trying and tell her what your mind is telling you to do, or what your mind is telling you about how to be. She's not a mindreader and neither are you.

Sorry if this is coming across as harsh. I do not mean to be.

No it doesn't sound harsh. But I don't want to be liked. Thats really not a problem, it's just a problem that the way she steered it made it seem like it would be vain or boastful or insecure to state I'd plenty of experience, adn seh was acting like that wasn't me, and I felt it wouldnt be cool to be insistent about it, so it gets steered so I'm a virgin-I felt this was conscious manipulation on her part and made me uncomfortable. I just got to thinking how it must happen all the time in lfie without be knowing, and how it could be done more, and how can I avoid it.