On pill, bf still insists on condom?

LegacyUser

So I've just started on pill. Bf still insists we wear condoms. All fine with me. To be sure and all that. However, hadn't seen him in 3 weeks and was dying to have sex with him. He hadn't thought of condoms, and to be honest, that's his side of things as mine is the pill. I figured we could go ahead without the condoms but he said no. I said "Sure I'm on the pill" and he said "That only protects against so much". Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but is this a little extreme? I was mad for it after 3 weeks and we couldn't as there was no place open to get condoms so I'd to wait until following day! Whilst I'm all for being safe and that, does he think I have some infection or something? Is that what he meant when he said pill only protects against so much? Actually, don't know why am asking you lot "is that what he meant?" as you're hardly going to know! Argh! Just wondering I suppose is this the norm for couples - double protection? And if so, would you give in on a once off erm... need?

Stheno

Have you both had tests to ensure you are free of any STI's?

If not then tbh your bf is right here, maybe suggest you both go for testing?

Also he may not be entirely trusting of the pill, I'm a woman and don't really trust it due to the fact it's taken orally and can have so many things cause it to not work, like vomiting, antibiotics, forgetting to take it etc.

Otis Driftwood

He is just been cautious.Fair enough,maybe a little too cautious but as nouggatti said,are you both 100% sure ye are safe.Ive always been a bit tetchy when it comes to the pill and generally would always insist on a condom,even with a longer term partner and both of us have been tested and got the all clear.The way I would view the pill is that its grand for those times when things get hot and heavy rather quickly,or like in your case,you hadnt any condoms however,they are usually always used(condoms).You should count yourself lucky that your fella is that responsible TBH!

LegacyUser

He also might be thinking that the pill takes a month to work and if you miss even a day you can still get pregnant, another thing antibiotics effect the pill as in it does not work. I know too many people that have had more than one child because they didn't take it properly.
He may feel safer using condoms, it is very easy to get pregnant on the pill.

It's also very easy to catch an STI, you should just get checked out even if it is just for yourself.

thebouldwhacker

STD issue aside for the mo it I'm with your BF on this one, I know couples who had surprize bundles of joy because condom burst or pill failed... never heard of the two failing. Its not a 100% safe method (billions of years of evolution can not be beaten each and everytime by pill nor plastic) but it makes sense to me. As posted above ye prob need to chat about a few issues but better safe than sorry...:cool:

Man: I need a 100% reliable contraception thats not gonna fail...
Doc: Sure, there is only one, eat an apple!
Man: no way... that simple?
Doc: Yep!
Man: do we eat it before or after?
Doc: neither.... instead

collegegal

By the way you type, you come across quite young, if your not, your welcome for the compliment but I have to agree with the others.

Your boyfriend has concerns about the pill obviously, how long are you guys together? If it's only a short time, then maybe you both should get tested together, put his mind at ease, you won't have anything to worry about seeing as you've said your all clear.

The pill can be dodge, I came off it myself as I just got to the stage where I didn't actually trust it myself! And to be honest your quite lucky your OH respects you enough to be protected, last thing you want is a baby hanging around your ankles!!!!

Sounds like he's a good chap with a sensible head. Don't give him a hard time for that! Talk to him about it maybe, ask him why so you can know for yourself. I bet you'll find you will have a familiar answer from him as you will from the majority here.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Maybe he's never been tested and would be mortified to give you something. Maybe he has an incurable infection.

MAybe he's terrified of pregnancy and trusts condoms more than the pill(intuitively makes sense, just not scientifically)

You'll have to ask him, by "they only protect against so much" I think most people would read "the pill has a certain failure rate"

upmeath

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

You'll have to ask him, by "they only protect against so much" I think most people would read "the pill has a certain failure rate"

Agreed, I don't think he's saying "you're unclean, you're riddled with infections", he's probably acknowledging that the two combined is far safer than one or the other!

wolfpawnat

I agree with bottle of smoke, I was on the pill, and I was very careful and meticulous but I got pregnant. Your OH probably just wants to be extra careful, for whatever reason he has. He can isist on condoms without thinking you or he may have STDs/STIs.

Triangle

wolfpawnat wrote: »

I agree with bottle of smoke, I was on the pill, and I was very careful and meticulous but I got pregnant. Your OH probably just wants to be extra careful, for whatever reason he has. He can isist on condoms without thinking you or he may have STDs/STIs.

+1 same happened here (except my Wife was on the pill)

Use a condom just to make sure.

star-pants

Agreed -- your bf is just being careful. And he's right to.
The pill isn't 100% effective, and if it had been 3weeks since ye had been together there's a good chance of eh, things going all the way. So he'd want to be certain noone ended up with a baby.

Also if ye both haven't had STI checks that is another thing. Although I doubt that's what he was getting at. If it were the other way round and the guy was giving out about the girl insisting on a condom people would say the same 'shes just being cautious'.

King of Kings

got my ex wife got pregnant while she was taking the pill needlesstosay I drove my girlfriend beserk when i refused to ditch condoms for ages despite her being on the pill.

sometimes fear can be an overriding factor.

Wagon

I'm with your boyfriend on this one. I'd insist on both as well because these things fail and I hate kids. Don't go bitching at him because he's cautious. It's a good thing.

RIRI

I also got pregnant while taking the pill correctly, I would urge you OP to read the thread in here titled "what can I do??"

It sounds to me like your BF is just being careful. IMHO you should be thanking your lucky stars that you have a boyfriend who is this responsible.

upmeath

I don't mean to be rude or offensive, but it seems to me that your boyfriend exercises more caution than you do, and that's to be praised. If he can withhold that urge then fair play to him.
Many men struggle to do so. I've an acquaintance (I wouldn't go so far as to call him a mate) who goes home with girls week in week out on a Saturday night and never carries any protection, nor does he question if they're taking the pill. This reputation, and his boastful behaviour on as many as 3 out of 4 Sundays a month, have earned him the nickname "Bareback Brian" (Brian isn't his real name). Highly irresponsible behaviour, not alone because he could be fathering children he doesn't know about, but also because he could be a host for countless STIs.
I know you may be in a closed relationship unlike this individual, but if you compare your boyfriend with "BBB" then you might value his morales and strength of character a little more.

shellyboo

Fair play to your bf, OP. I know it must have been frustrating at the time, but I'm sure he was only acting in your best interests.

He may be worried about STIs if he hasn't been tested in a while and doesn;t want to give you anything, or else he jsut wants to double up on the protection on the off-chance you'd get pregnant.

Maybe he's had a bad experience in the past with a gf who was "on the pill"? It could be any number of reasons, but the crux of it is, he's just taking responsibility for his own sexual health. Maybe stock up on a spare box of condoms just in case... but seeing as he had to go sexless this time, I doubt he'll forget again!

collegegal

how do you feel now about it OP?

LegacyUser

upmeath wrote: »

Agreed, I don't think he's saying "you're unclean, you're riddled with infections", he's probably acknowledging that the two combined is far safer than one or the other!

Yep. I'm a girl, on the pill, but no way will I have sex with my boyfriend unless he has a condom. Luckily he doesn't mind

Lorrs33

blur01 wrote: »

So I've just started on pill. Bf still insists we wear condoms. All fine with me. To be sure and all that. However, hadn't seen him in 3 weeks and was dying to have sex with him. He hadn't thought of condoms, and to be honest, that's his side of things as mine is the pill. I figured we could go ahead without the condoms but he said no. I said "Sure I'm on the pill" and he said "That only protects against so much". Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but is this a little extreme? I was mad for it after 3 weeks and we couldn't as there was no place open to get condoms so I'd to wait until following day! Whilst I'm all for being safe and that, does he think I have some infection or something? Is that what he meant when he said pill only protects against so much? Actually, don't know why am asking you lot "is that what he meant?" as you're hardly going to know! Argh! Just wondering I suppose is this the norm for couples - double protection? And if so, would you give in on a once off erm... need?

I'm on the pill and my boyfriend still wears condoms. We never really discussed it, we both just knew it was best, just to be doubly safe. The pill doesn't protect you 100% from pregnancy, maybe that's what your boyfriend is worried about. I know I'd probably feel uneasy with just the pill to rely on.

LegacyUser

collegegal wrote: »

By the way you type, you come across quite young, if your not, your welcome for the compliment but I have to agree with the others.

Your boyfriend has concerns about the pill obviously, how long are you guys together? If it's only a short time, then maybe you both should get tested together, put his mind at ease, you won't have anything to worry about seeing as you've said your all clear.

The pill can be dodge, I came off it myself as I just got to the stage where I didn't actually trust it myself! And to be honest your quite lucky your OH respects you enough to be protected, last thing you want is a baby hanging around your ankles!!!!

Sounds like he's a good chap with a sensible head. Don't give him a hard time for that! Talk to him about it maybe, ask him why so you can know for yourself. I bet you'll find you will have a familiar answer from him as you will from the majority here.

I'm 24! If you want to classify that as 'young' then go right ahead! I didn't give him a hard time. I was just wondering, after a couple of weeks without sex, we both clearly wanted [evidently not enough to pack condoms!] but all I'm wondering is why it was so unacceptable to sleep together without condoms just once, when I'm on the pill? I know there's nothing 100% protection, [except abstinence!] it just frustrated me a little at the time as I had to wait until the next day. Apologies for being such a horny fecker!

Plus yes everyone is right, sensible head on his shoulders. All is fine. I was just wondering about double protection. For some reason I was under the illusion that once women went on the pill, there wasn't a specific need for condoms all the time in future.

LegacyUser

upmeath wrote: »

I don't mean to be rude or offensive, but it seems to me that your boyfriend exercises more caution than you do, and that's to be praised. If he can withhold that urge then fair play to him.

I don't really think that's fair to say. The pill [if taken correctly] has the same protection percentage as a condom i.e. there's 1% chance with either. If I wasn't on the pill, and we were just using condoms, then the same chance would exist. I wouldn't be said to be exercising less caution because we weren't doubling up. All I'm saying is that I was slightly annoyed that I couldn't be with him as intimately as I would have liked that night due to his reservations, which I admit, he's completely within his right to have. I see now that it's just likely he wouldn't want any unwanted pregnancies or the likes. But as I was on the pill, it was the same as using a condom [leaving out STI's] and it would have been a once off as I stated in my OP I have no problem with using both here on in, was just annoyed at time in my horniness and honestly didn't think most couples continued to use condoms if the lady was on the pill as apparently there's supposed to be better "feeling" without them.

[If I logged in under my usual name, I would expect to be thanked for this post, lol]

upmeath

blur01 wrote: »

...all I'm wondering is why it was so unacceptable to sleep together without condoms just once, when I'm on the pill?

As it says in the awareness ads, it only takes one sperm. And you're giving a few million of them a chance if you go ahead without the condom!

LegacyUser

upmeath wrote: »

As it says in the awareness ads, it only takes one sperm. And you're giving a few million of them a chance if you go ahead without the condom!

Not really. The pill does the following 3 things:

It stops ovulation.
If you are not on the pill, eggs are released from your ovaries during ovulation. They can then be fertilised by sperm – and you can get pregnant.
What the pill basically does is that the hormones in the pill prevent an egg from being released from your ovaries. It does not stop you having periods.


It thickens the mucus in your cervix.
When you are fertile, or likely to get pregnant, the mucus in your cervix changes texture – from a sticky texture to a clear, slippery texture. This is to make it easier for a sperm to fertilise an egg.
The pill keeps the texture of your mucus the same, which makes it more difficult for the sperm to pass through.


It stops your womb from preparing to receive an egg and look after it.
When you are fertile, the womb makes itself ready for the arrival of a fertilised egg. The lining of the womb becomes thicker.
The pill prevents the lining of your womb from becoming thicker and in this way stops an egg from becoming implanted there.

collegegal

Yes but the pill is not 100% effective. It might attempt to do those three things on paper, but in reality it's not reliable. I know at least two women who have had a few surprises while being on the pill and suddenly finding themselves pushing a pram!

upmeath

blur01 wrote: »

I don't really think that's fair to say. The pill... ...has the same protection percentage as a condom i.e. there's 1% chance with either. If I wasn't on the pill, and we were just using condoms, then the same chance would exist. I wouldn't be said to be exercising less caution because we weren't doubling up.

I'm praising the lad for being responsible enough to double up everytime. I'm not suggesting that you're generally irresponsible, and I understand that you would double up too but for his once. You're right, there's a 1% chance with either one, and I guess its fair to say then that there's a .5% chance with both, agreed? Well I'll take 200/1 odds on the same horse anyday over 100/1 odds. They're both pretty good, but I know which bookie I'd be betting with

krudler

Fair play to the OPs boyfriend, me and me girlfriend have never had sex without a condom and shes been on the pill since we met, better to be safe than sorry, if more guys had the attitude he did there wouldnt be so many unwanted pregnancies these days, just showing common sense

LegacyUser

I understand your fustration You cannot be paranoid for pregnancies, but you should be paranoid for STDs.

Why don't you suggest him to take an STD check up?

Regarding the pill, taken correctly it's 98% effective against pregnancies. I noticed this rate is much lower in Ireland, though - He may be also scared that you get pregnant on purpose to "catch" him. Talk to him about this too.

However, using one method, the other or all of them at the same time, is a decition you guys have to take together and agree on. Don't get mad at him

HouseHippo

GOOD!

wolfpawnat

collegegal wrote: »

Yes but the pill is not 100% effective. It might attempt to do those three things on paper, but in reality it's not reliable. I know at least two women who have had a few surprises while being on the pill and suddenly finding themselves pushing a pram!

OP collegegal is totally right, I was a very religious and meticulous combo pill taker, but I have a 5 week old son and my carefree life is gone! I should have been more careful and used both the pill and condoms - Don't get me wrong I adore my son. We all get urges and sexually frustrated but its not worth the risk, I have put college on hold and I have lost my figure and I have no time for friends. I am up half the night and am living on 5hrs sleep per 24. Unless you are ready for it, all protection is necessary! I know you are/were frustrated but sex isn't everything either. You can have fun without risking pregnancy;):D

Mike 1972

The pill [if taken correctly] has the same protection percentage as a condom i.e. there's 1% chance with either.

So if I have the maths right the chance with the two together should be around 0.01 %

due to his reservations, which I admit, he's completely within his right to have.

Yes it cut both ways

Quite frankly you should consider yourself very lucky to have such a responsible partner.

00112984

blur01 wrote: »

Whilst I'm all for being safe and that, does he think I have some infection or something?

Not being funny or anything but if you're comfortable enough to have the guy's penis inside you, surely you're comfortable enough with him to have a conversation about STDs?

upmeath

00112984 wrote: »

Not being funny or anything but if you're comfortable enough to have the guy's penis inside you, surely you're comfortable enough with him to have a conversation about STDs?

I think a lot of people will agree that it's a whole lot easier to engage in or talk about sex than to talk about STDs. Not necessarily the way it should be, just a harsh reality. There's a lot of stigma attached to even raising the issue, and in many cases the person asking the question may immediately be seen as bouncing accusations off the other person!

collegegal

upmeath wrote: »

I think a lot of people will agree that it's a whole lot easier to engage in or talk about sex than to talk about STDs. Not necessarily the way it should be, just a harsh reality. There's a lot of stigma attached to even raising the issue, and in many cases the person asking the question may immediately be seen as bouncing accusations off the other person!

That's silly! If your not comfortable talking to your partner about something quite serious like the condom wearing thing then there are issues in the relationship. Especially if one half is bothered about something! The poor chap is being responsible, and kudos to him!

segaBOY

blur01 wrote: »

So I've just started on pill. Bf still insists we wear condoms. All fine with me. To be sure and all that. However, hadn't seen him in 3 weeks and was dying to have sex with him. He hadn't thought of condoms, and to be honest, that's his side of things as mine is the pill. I figured we could go ahead without the condoms but he said no. I said "Sure I'm on the pill" and he said "That only protects against so much". Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but is this a little extreme? I was mad for it after 3 weeks and we couldn't as there was no place open to get condoms so I'd to wait until following day! Whilst I'm all for being safe and that, does he think I have some infection or something? Is that what he meant when he said pill only protects against so much? Actually, don't know why am asking you lot "is that what he meant?" as you're hardly going to know! Argh! Just wondering I suppose is this the norm for couples - double protection? And if so, would you give in on a once off erm... need?

Bit greedy of you tbh. Pill is effective but so many people don't take it correctly it's never as effective as claimed. I'd side with your boyfriend here..having to wait until the next day isn't the end of the world-I'd expect my girlfriend to do that for me.

upmeath

collegegal wrote: »

That's silly! If your not comfortable talking to your partner about something quite serious like the condom wearing thing then there are issues in the relationship. Especially if one half is bothered about something! The poor chap is being responsible, and kudos to him!

It may be silly but it's the nature of the beast. I know for certain that the vast majority of my close friends (upwards of 90% of them) would find it easier to talk about sex, much easier, than to bring up the issues of STDs, transmission or screening with a partner.
I'm not saying this is the right way to be at all, collegegal, it's just the way things are. By the way, you seem to have taken me up wrong, I'm dealing with the discussion of STDs as distinct from the condom-wearing issue! As I said above, it's a harsh reality.
It's a sensitive area, some people could take a great deal of offense from the mere raising of the issue. We all like to think that our slate is clean, that we've played clean and fair, and it's damaging to self-esteem and intrapersonal bonds if one partner says to the other that perhaps one or the other is carrying some sort of an infection.

Board Walker

i know a few guy's that will still wear a condom pill or no pill. girls also.

cissymalfoy

To be honest, i think you are lucky to have a boyfriend who is so aware of the need for contraception. I can understand why you think it may just be an extra almost unneccessary request, considering you are on the pill, but youre better to have it than not. In no means was he saying that you are unclean, and possibly riddled with STDs, but when you consider how many men dont even get that one little thing right, you are lucky. Focus on the positive aspects of it, and dont let it interfere with your already happy sex life.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. I applaud him for being responsible, and I know how lucky I am. As I stated previously, I was under a false illusion that couples chose either the pill or condoms, not usually both. Don't know where I got that idea from. Also, as they both have the same failure rate, I figured it's just as dangerous to have sex with JUST condoms as it is to have sex with JUST the pill.I do take my pill correctly.

Anyway, the moment has passed now so to speak so it's not a huge deal. Regards talking to him about STI's, I think it's an uncomfortable topic for some, if not most couples as it brings up past relationships and past lovers, and that's not usually a nice topic to discuss. We are practising safe sex.

Also, I seem to have a lower libido than him anyway so doesn't seem like I "get sex" as often as I'd like anyway, but sometimes ya just gotta make compromises eh