Girl at work

LegacyUser

Hi,

I have developed quite a crush on a girl where I work and I'd just like to see if anyone here has been in a similar situation. Bit of a background first: we do not work together- she is in a different section down the hall from me. My section and hers never interact with each other, and none of my fellow workers speak to any of hers, except maybe to say hi meeting them on the corridor (our work is unrelated and we have no reason to communicate). She only started with them a few months ago and I didn't notice her at first but as she walks by quite a lot during the day I began to find her more and more attractive. We have exchanged the odd smile but never really spoken(her mysteriousness is a big part of the appeal) I hope I don't come across as a psycho/stalker but I'm sure these feelings are normal, I'm a nice guy just not that confident with the ladies. Asking her out would be very difficult for me, it's just the type of guy I am. But if I was to pluck up the courage I can see a few options open to me:

a) Somehow get to talk to her by 'arranging' to be at the water tower etc. at the same time. Do this a few times to find out what she's like and if she's any way friendly ask her would she like to go for a drink sometime.

b) Ask one of her co-workers does she have a boyfriend, and maybe they might find out on the qt what she thinks of me.

c)Leave a note on her desk saying I like her, if she's not interested I'll find out fairly quick.

d)Ask her to do a work-related favour and break the ice that way(this would take a lot of creativity on my part as what she does workwise has little or nothing to do with my work).


At the moment I think option a) is the best but would be difficult to organise/ take a lot of planning that would border on stalkerish. b) is a good one as one her female co-workers seems fairly sound I thought about pulling her aside and asking her if the girl I like is single. It would at least let me know whether to proceed further. c) I thought about this but it seems a bit creepy, how would you react if someone you barely see each day left you a note saying they like you? Don't think I would do this. d) Don't think I would try this either as you would be talking to her on a professional basis and would most likely be a once-off meeting.

She is probably out of my league looks wise (better looking than me) but worth a try anyway. She hasn't shown any interest in me except the occassional smile if that means anything. My problem is I tend to get these crushes on girls from time to time and then build it up so much that I decide not to ask them out. As a result I have reached age 24 having never had a girlfriend (if you look up love-shy it would describe me pretty well).

So have any of the guys here successfully or otherwise asked a girl from work out? And have you put as much thought into it as I have?!!! How would the ladies here like to have it done if you were the girl in question? I would love to just ask her and be done with it but I am slightly embarrassed about showing my feelings for a girl, and then would If refused would I be mortified of seeing her again in work??

Like to hear your thoughts, thanks in advance.

LegacyUser

Do you ever going drinking after work? I fancied a girl in work, similar situation, I had no interaction etc but just saw her about. On a work night out I just decided to grab her, well indroduce myself to put it better. Just ended up getting along and chatted away for a couple of hours. Next day it was easy then to just throw her an email asking how the night went or did she hear any gossip just to get the conversation going and then you can get friendly from there! Thats what I did and we are now going out 6 months.

LegacyUser

Yes, I do go drinking with my fellow workers (we only do this every few months in my job though). The trouble is her section do not. They are very quiet and there is never any laughter or banter in their section, compared to my section where we have good craic with each other. So any approach would have to be done in work. My dilemna is how to make the approach in work. I can't just walk up and ask her out, I 'd have to at least talk to her a few times before I'd do that. Then the next problem is how do you arrange to talk to or get to know someone who you would never normally talk to in your average day. I 'd have to do what Matt Dillon in 'Something about Mary did!! (Not that extreme but you get the idea)

Glad to hear your experience and that it worked out well for you.

upmeath

I'm intrigued as to what sort of an office you work in... some sort of Irish secret service we don't know about?

I'd say go with (b), I don't have any personal experience in work-based relationships but I think it's the safest option, if she has a female co-worker that you can confide in and trust then that's the way to go as far as I'm concerned! The water cooler thing is a bit of a cliché, no? (c) definitely not an option, and (d) just sounds like too much hassle.

Home4Life

I would agree that (b) is an ok first approach.
Its probably the one I'd opt for also because I too would be reluctant to go straight to her.

However, be careful with (b).

Women can be bitchy and this never comes out more than when men show an interest in one of their group.

As a result, you may get a "filtered" version of the truth !

So I'd suggest you at first just find out some info from her colleague,
and after a while she might pick up on your crush herself
(that way she'll feel ownership of it and may actually make it her mission to sort you out with her !)

Once you have 3 or 4 snippets of info (nothing stalker type!)
then you are armed to drop them into a conversation if you do get a chance to break the ice.

If she's new a great nugget would be to find out where she was before.
If you know anyone working there then you have a ready made opener.
"(Hername)? I hear you joined from X - how is Y getting on there? I havent heard from him in ages".
The good thing about this is that you're not prying about her info, just someone you have in common. (If Y is a plonker try something else.)

There are two keys to this icebreaker
(a) Say her name at the start
(b) have a pleasant smile on your face.

I would wait around too long though - if she's as attractive as you say you may not have a lot of time.

best wishes,
H4L

PS: If you succeed and live happily ever after I want an invite to the wedding.

upmeath

Home4Life wrote: »

However, be careful with (b).

Women can be bitchy and this never comes out more than when men show an interest in one of their group.

That's a fact, once bitten twice shy here! Make sure the "messenger" is someone you can confide in and trust, the last thing you want is this lady in the middle to turn nasty. Be absolutely certain she doesn't have any feelings for you, no matter how small, because she could be gutted to think you have feelings for the other girl in her section!

kevmy

Was in a slightly similar situation in that I liked a girl that was working in a different section in the same department. We wouldn't have much to do work wise together but would have the odd departmental get togethers from time to time.
So at one of these I starting talking to her and one thing led to another..

My advice is to organise a drinks thing with your office/section and invite her all of her office/section along also. Not just her. This makes it easier to break the ice as you are not just asking her out but a group of people.
Then on the evening out just make sure you get talking to her, introduce yourself and get a feeling for what she's like. If she has a boyfriend or isn't really your type then you will find out without really putting any pressure on yourself.
If she is single and you're still interested then it will be easier to ask her out again later on as ice will have been broken.

tbh

to be honest mate, I think the whole point of asking someone out is that you're telling them they are worth putting yourself out there for.

Leaving notes etc is a bit immature - in my opinion of course - and sends the message that you want her but are too afraid to ask her out. And why would you be afraid? That's what she'll be thinking - why didn't he just ask me out? What's wrong with him that he has to leave notes or ask my friends?

Just ask her casually - she'll probably be flattered either way, and she won't think you're a dickhead for having the arrogance to ask her out, you know?

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies.

God these thing take a lot of planning!! Seems most of you think b) is the best option. I kinda know one of her female co-workers and she seems sound, definitely wouldn't be jealous or anything(she is a good bit older and probably has kids etc.) Also I am no hunk myself so I don't think anyone would be disappointed!! However I don't know if I should involve a third person or not.

I'm slightly in favour of a) at the moment, I could just leave around the same time she does some day and try and strike up some talk between us (what to say??). I'm getting good vibes off her so I might try it and let ye know how I get on. I realise c) and d) are non-runners but they are options nonetheless.

The drinks idea is good aswell we have a couple of nights planned but something tells me most of them would give it a miss. People who don't work in offices mightn't understand this but there can be certain sections that are standoff-ish or quieter than others. My section is part of a goverment department (not the Irish secret service!) and the girl I like works for a private company- this means we are fairly easy going and they are more focussed on their work.

@ tbh- I am afraid to ask her out, it is very nerve wracking and I doubt if I actually could do it. I'll get talking to her first and then make my mind up. I just have this weird idea that I'm not that attractive and don't have the right to ask girls like her out. Worried she will be repulsed or something. Maybe that sounds stupid- these are probably remnants from a few bad teenage experiences but I 'll have to get real and be a man I suppose. Just have to banish the negative thoughts if I want to succeed.

LegacyUser

O to tha P wrote: »

I just have this weird idea that I'm not that attractive and don't have the right to ask girls like her out. Worried she will be repulsed or something. Maybe that sounds stupid- these are probably remnants from a few bad teenage experiences but I 'll have to get real and be a man I suppose. Just have to banish the negative thoughts if I want to succeed.

Im the unreg above who is going out with the girl 6 months. I felt exactly the same way as this OP. The girl I fancied in work had practically every guy trying it on with her and because I kind of thought she was out of my league and had her pick of men then what chance did I have. I dont really rate myself and it is purely because of some bad teenage experiences but I know deep down that really im not that bad looking a guy but the early experiences still affect my confidence somewhat. Anyway it was probably 6 months before I built up the nerve to make the move. I tried the asking someone I knew in her section if she fancied me but they never found out for me. She was also in a team that didnt really go out much and only went on the company organised nights which were only once every several months so thats why I decided to take a chance and talk to her that night incase I didnt see her out again.

I still wasnt sure afterwards if she was into me so I sent an email around to lots of people I knew in the company one friday asking if anyone fancied drinks and invited her. She came along and thats when I made my move. If you know enough people you could do this and invite her team. Alternativly if you arrange drinks and then make sure you bump into her during the week and just do some small talk and then and just mention a few of us are heading for a drink after work...going in xyz if your interested. I do this all the time when I bump into people in the kitchen, just extend the invite. She may welcome it. I know lots of people I invite love it because they are stuck on those teams that never go out and they want to get out there and meet new people.

tbh

O to tha P wrote: »

@ tbh- I am afraid to ask her out, it is very nerve wracking and I doubt if I actually could do it. I'll get talking to her first and then make my mind up. I just have this weird idea that I'm not that attractive and don't have the right to ask girls like her out. Worried she will be repulsed or something. Maybe that sounds stupid- these are probably remnants from a few bad teenage experiences but I 'll have to get real and be a man I suppose. Just have to banish the negative thoughts if I want to succeed.

hey man, it is tough, no doubt about it, but that's the point. you do it even though it's tough because you think she's worth it. No harm chatting to her for a bit first of course, to see how ye get on - for your sake as much as hers, maybe you won't like her as much as you think you will! the main thing you want to convey when you're asking her out is "we get on well together, lets go for a drink and just see what happens". You're not doing an interview, and you're not going for an audition. And of course, she may not fancy you, but sure what odds? just because she doesn't fancy you, it doesn't mean that you're not attractive. My advice would be a casual "maybe I'm being cheeky, but do you fancy a quick drink after work?"

best of luck man, I hope you get her.

upmeath

O to tha P wrote: »

Just have to banish the negative thoughts if I want to succeed.

Exactly. Godspeed, whether you decide to go with (a) or (b) we're all behind you!

kevmy

O to tha P wrote: »

The drinks idea is good aswell we have a couple of nights planned but something tells me most of them would give it a miss. People who don't work in offices mightn't understand this but there can be certain sections that are standoff-ish or quieter than others. My section is part of a goverment department (not the Irish secret service!) and the girl I like works for a private company- this means we are fairly easy going and they are more focussed on their work.

I think if you want her to be there you're going to have to put in the effort to try and persuade her to be there. Try and make sure you get as many people form her section coming, there is generally a tipping point here if people think they will only know one or two people they don't like going to these things but if they know 4 or 5 they will be more inclined to come.

If you are worried they wouldn't come out because of work arrange it for a Friday (assuming they don't work Saturdays;)). Again if you want it to happen it will be down to you (perhaps with the help of some of your mates from work) to try and convince people to show up.

LegacyUser

Thanks again everyone for all your replies, especially unregistered who was in the same situation and got the girl, well done man!!

Think I will go with b), I should have the opportunity to talk to the sound co-worker on her own some time. I'll just tell her straight I fancy her colleague and see what she says. If she is single I'll get talking to her and if the signals are good I'll ask her out. We also have nights out coming up soon, another option that could come in useful.

Thanks once again.

krudler

I fancied a girl I worked with, on the same team no less, asked her out and we're still together going on 18 months later