Stay or Leave?

LegacyUser

Ok this might be a long one but i'l try and keep it short and interesting!

I'm a long time user but going unreg because the other half is on this! Basically the background is i met a girl 4 months ago at my brothers party and is one of my brothers friends, got on straight away, she's gorgeous and very very funny and can honestly say she's exactly my type! so needless to say we both ended up back at mine and we only got one hours sleep from having lots of sex and talking, i dropped her home late the next day and it ended as a one night stand situation!

Now this girl is 22 (im 23) and has a 1 and a half year old daughter.

Anyway a couple of days later i get a email on facebook just joking around with me and explaining that she likes me, cut a long story short we start meeting up a lot over the next couple of weeks and txting everyday and we agree on a 'fcuk buddy' situation. Having so much fun with her she's so my type and has all the qualitys of a girlfriend i'm looking for, and she really likes me and says she feels the same too. after a couple of weeks of that situation we end up both hinting that we want more! so here we are together 2 months!

Now here is where it gets where i'm confused in my head! After a month of being with eachother we both end up saying we love eachother, and i can honestly say i do love her, i'v been in love twice before so i know the feelings its not too soon! And i know she loves me too!

I have absolutely no problem with kids i get on with them a lot and i'm the most mature of all my friends about kids and i actually wouldnt mind having one but obviously have to wait till i have money, college blah blah blah! But i'd like my OWN, to see the baby born and know its mine would be a great feeling! i have met her baby once two weeks ago and its such a great child and she took to me straight away!

Now the babys dad sees her on weekends but doesnt talk to my girlfriend at all they dont get on. What i'm trying to say is i'm getting a little scared of whats happening i feel like its just spiraling out of control i never really meant it to get this far but it did because of my feelings for her! If she didn't have the baby then i'd happily be with her and try and start a future with her but to be honest what i'm trying to say is i don't want to take on another man's baby knowing its not mine would just be too big an issue for me! am i being immature about this?

i love my girlfriend so much but i'm afraid of braking her heart for this reason and i feel stupid for letting it get this far! I'v always seen myself as the traditional meet a nice girl, get married, have kids! not meet a nice girl, take on her kid thats not mine, get married, have other kids that arnt related to the other one!

Am i being immature, give me your imput on the sitution please good or bad!

Thanks in advance!

T

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

I'v always seen myself as the traditional meet a nice girl, get married, have kids! not meet a nice girl, take on her kid thats not mine, get married, have other kids that arnt related to the other one!

Hey, life hardly ever turns out exactly as we planned. That's no biggie, we just work around it.

You think this girl is great, she's just your type. Life could be good for ye.
You get on great with the child.

So what is really the problem here?
You don't like the fact that this child isn't yours?

My bloke took on my 12 year old daughter when we got together. They get on great.
My sister married a man with two kids, my sis has one.
He adores my sisters daughter and she adores his sons.
They are a big happy family.

You say you love this girl.
As the saying goes, love me, love my dog.
You've gone this far, why not give it a go, perhaps you will surprise yourself.

Craft25

neither - somewhere in between!

Talk to your OH. Slow things down a bit. Stay just as one of mommys friends for now as far as the child's concerned.

Move things further forward when you are ready.

You wont be taking on the other mans child, you will be another addition to the community around it but dont commit to being a full time part of it's life until you are completely sure you're ready for it.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

You think this girl is great, she's just your type. Life could be good for ye.
You get on great with the child.

So what is really the problem here?
You don't like the fact that this child isn't yours?

i guess i'm just getting a bit scared as this crept up so fast. I'm not immature in the least i'm very responsible especially when it comes to relationships but i'm doubting myself here wondering am i immature about being scared by this!

i know it seems really early but you know when you just know that its going to be serious and together a long time!?
Another thing i should mention is is that my brother doesnt like the situation one bit and as a result is not friends with her much anymore and tentions are high in my house as she knows he doesnt like it! he thinks shes looking for me to take on her child!

Beruthiel

Your brother should cop himself on, it's none of his business and you should tell him so. I wonder how he would like it if you interfered in his personal life.
As for looking for someone to take on the child, how presumptuous of him. The child already has a father who she spends time with. She doesn't need a second one. So you needn't worry on that account.

Craft is correct, you should take things easy. Do not spend any time with her child for now.
I didn't even introduce mini me till I knew him over 6 months, even then it was just for a few mins.
This is to protect the child and make life less confusing for her. She doesn't need to know of your existence until you know what the future holds for you.
Take things slow, enjoy your time together and leave it at that for the time being.

Miss Fluff

Life doesn't always go the way you plan. It's ok to have ideals where you fall in love with your perfect partner, marry, have kids and live happily ever after in a house with a white picket fence. It's also ok to look outside the box. Imho you've met someone you are mad about and save for her having a child you think it would be perfect. You keep referring to the child as belonging to the father, it's half of her too you know!

I think you should take it slow, no need to panic, try and unburden yourself with some of these preconceived ideas and enjoy this time getting to know your partner better. You've said yourself she is absolutely perfect. I think it's best for now that you DON'T meet her little girl. While she is only 18 months old and might not recognise you again, you need to decide what you really want before becoming part of her life.

By the same token I think you should give this girl a chance if you care that much about one another.

Board Walker

To be honest if she reads that she is going to know straight away who you are! but thats neither here nor there.

I can see where your coming from, it can be hard to accept another man's chaild and at the end of the day its your choice if you want to take on that responsibility. if you dont then i really dont think anyone will judge you for it, least of all your friends. but then again if you can see yourself being with her forever then fear not because you wil have your own child with her one day..... get what im saying?

SarahMc

Unregistered wrote: »

.....not meet a nice girl, take on her kid thats not mine, get married, have other kids that arnt related to the other one!

Just to clarify, the children would be related, they would be half siblings. Anyway, no I do not think you are being immature, you are absolutely right to think this through before either of you get more emotionally invested.

However, Craft is spot on about this, the child already has a father who has an active role in her life, and is (I hope) making financial provision for the child. You have met the child once in a 4 month relationship. No-one is asking you to take on a daddy role here, and nor should you be.

small

At the end of the day... if you really like this girl I would say continue with it... it's not everyday you meet someone you feel you can be with. Just make sure to continue it in the mature, responsible way you've described.... for the child's sake at least. If it gets to a point that you KNOW it's not what you want you need to be honest and straight up.

Also, hate to point it out that you've been VERY specific on the details you've outlined... wouldn't be surprised if you've negated the benefits of posting unreg

satcie101

Unregistered wrote: »

i love my girlfriend so much but i'm afraid of braking her heart for this reason and i feel stupid for letting it get this far! I'v always seen myself as the traditional meet a nice girl, get married, have kids! not meet a nice girl, take on her kid thats not mine, get married, have other kids that arnt related to the other one!

Am i being immature, give me your imput on the sitution please good or bad!

Thanks in advance!

T

Hmmm, I thought stigma about One parent families were lost on your generation, obviously the 1950 repressive attitude isn't completely lost on some of you.

You are immature, let the girl and her child meet a man with integrity who will adore her and her child and realise how lucky he is to be allowed in their life.