relationship that i really only a friendship!!

LegacyUser

I am in relationship for two half years not sure if the spark is there anymore though. i really do love him but (the usual one liner) im not sure if im in love with him anymore. he's a brilliant person and i would quiet happily spend my free time with him for the rest of my life..he is my best friend..whom i can tell anything to..BUT.. no kissing anymore and no sex for a good while now, but yet he doesnt seem to take any notice?? i don't know what to think he is always holding my hand when we go places, calling all of the time, texting all of the time, he just doesn't seem to care that there is no sexual side to our relationship it is purely friendship based.

he hasn't even noticed and if he has he has decided to ignore it!! i'm just sticking with it for the time being to see how it goes or if he decides to do anything to try and put the "spark" back into it (i'm not leaving it all up to him i have tried to no avail). but im nearly at the stage now where im indifferent if i even see him at the weekends and i am worrying we are both just wasting each others time!

i have said it to him at least three times within the last three months that i dont know what is going wrong here or if we are even headed in the right direction anymore and asked him for his opinion and he has always just fluffed it off with we get on great, were perfect together, i love you so much, we'l fix it... then it just stays the same...

it is tearing me apart.. i want to stay wit him (even though i don't know if its out of comfort or because i know the first part of this relationship was really good when it was good and exactly what i would want in a future family life anymore) but at the same time it is mind bogglingly boring to be in such a relationship..especially considering we are only in early 20's and have the majority of our lives ahead of me..if this was happening after being happily married for many years i wouldn't think much of it..i don't know!!

the summer is coming now and no mention of a holiday or doing anything fun but i think this is because he overspends on a ridiculously expensive hobby that he has unrealistic dreams about and has no money. anyway i have always dreamed of going away for the summer and i was thinking about it and even of we were going good he wouldnt be able to come with work, but i feel bad just up and leaving like that but then i wonder what have i got to stay for!! my best friend went to oz last february really miss her and the problem has seemed to just have compounded since then atleast in my head anyway as she was the one keeping me sane!

so i have kind of put off the whole idea of going away for the entire summer and now i am planning a holiday with my girlfriends im making all of these plans for myself like concerts things generally fun to do...!

i am confused whether i am being very selfish here by staying with him i hope it wil fix itself and i am giving it the chance to fix itself but i know in my heart and soul that it wont because he has not made any initiative in a very long time to do anything that would be in any way conducive to a relationship growing and prospering and he just keeps ignoring the problems and leaving it all on my lap to fix it and iv tried believe me..

i don't know in one sense i think i am a bitch for even typing what i have just typed about my own boyfriend but i need advice as to what to do because with my best friend gone i am going insane.

Mr. Incognito

Whoa- there's a lot there.

I'll venture that he doesn't even know how seriously things have gone astray.

We don't do hints or examine our relationships.

The best thing to do is have a quiet night in and have a really long, frank, honest chat.

Esle you can write him a long letter and give it to him to process if he's that way inclined as he might feel that he's being attacked whereas you just want things to work again.

LegacyUser

Hey,

I'm in a similar situation. Been with the gf 4 years now and the last two are exactly as you described. The few differences are that we live together and I've brought this up in conversation numerous times over the last couple of years.
I'd give anything to get our sex life / intamcy back on track. It's not even about the sex, even a bit of intamacy would do!
Not sure there's much I can offer here, but you really do need to sit him down and see how he feels.
In my case, the gf says that she loves me and still fancies me and wants to get things back on track too.
They just never do, so I'm at a loss at what to do now.
Anyone in a similar situation that has worked through it would be greatly welcomed.