Opinions needed...

LegacyUser

Going unregistered for this one...

The reason I am posting on here is to get an honest, possibly male, opinion on this situation:

First of all, I am not a person that gets into long term relationships and I am quite happy being single but when I do fall for someone it takes me a long time to get over it.

I was living abroad a few years ago and started going out with a guy. Usual love at first sight craic and we had a lot in common, it all moved extremely quickly because my visa was fairly limited and I was going to have to move on soon.
So two months into it, the L word was being bandied about and we were spending every possible moment of the day together. It was too much, too soon. Then he realised he wasn't over his ex and we had an extremely acrimonious split, I left the country soon after & we were never to speak again.

So I came back over here and started the new life all over, everything was going well.

Then, out of nowhere, I got an email from him when I was back nearly two years telling me how sorry he was about everything and how he'd like to be friends, and listed everything he missed about me.
Needless to say, I was shocked to hear from him ~ especially because he didn't have my email address to begin with!
We got chatting on email at first, and I realised how much trouble he had gone to to find me. So I thought there would be no harm in the odd email... This progressed to MSN, texting and calling. So for the last year we have been in contact every day in one form or another. We get on like a house on fire and he even asked me to come over and visit to see how we'd get on.

Recently he hasn't been in contact as much. Then, last week I got an email from him saying he had started dating someone and that he hoped we could still remain friends, blah, blah, blah...
Now, don't get me wrong, I'd never begrudge anyone happiness ~ grab it with both hands if you can.
But I do feel pretty banged up after this one. He knew exactly how I felt. He said lots of lovely things all year about me, about us, and about how much he was looking forward to my visit. And now he has found someone else.

I was quite happy in my own world, I didn't go looking for him.
Now I have these feelings for him that never went away in the first place, but because he wasn't in my life, I didn't have to deal with them and they have all come back because of all the time we have spent chatting together.

I have told him that we can't be friends or stay in contact ~ it's the only way to get over him. But he won't quit emailing me. He won't accept what I have said. I am finding this really hard because I so rarely fall that hard for anyone.

Rant aside: my question is, what was the point of it all? Why did he go to the bother of looking me up? Why chat to me everyday? Was it just an ego trip? Or something to kill the time in between relationships?

Board Walker

well.... for me anywaythere are times when i do think back and get in contact with people. BUT i'd never spend a year at it and then flake off with someone else. i cant tell ya exactly whats going on in his head but he's just being a male...... best job is to block him and forget about him once and for all. its really strange what he did, especially for a year! you must me a very attractive woman!

but at the end of the day....... he knew he would not see you for ages and he was being offered it there. a few years ago and i'd prob have done similar to him but im after wising up after playing the field. sounds to me like he just doesn't know what he wants

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP.You have been in contact with him for 12+ months and are mad about him.Ummm,why didnt you visit him???????

Bottle_of_Smoke

He could well have had further intentions but then just met someone else. You could have moved over to him(not that I expect you would have) so he's no obligation to you

Esel

Block his e-mail address.

prinz

Hang on there. He wanted to be friends? Did you chat about getting back together? Did he tell you he wanted you back? Sounds to me like he had a good time with you when you were together and considers you a good friend. So he can start dating whoever he likes tbh. Nothing in that post makes me believe that there was anything more in it than that on his part.
Unless you were trying to start a relationship or something then its fair game. Just because he's interested in you doesn't mean he can't keep looking.

Or he could be just a gimp.*


*No offence to gimps.

LegacyUser

Ah yeah, I totally will block his email ~ just wanted opinions on where he was coming from in the first place...

@Prinz, he actually did want to get back together ~ he started all the talk of it and all the talk of me visiting. As I said, I don't mind him getting into a relationship, I just can't be friends when I have feelings for him.

@nedtheshed & bottle_of_smoke: He lives in NZ. I have a good job here at the moment, and I guess I thought he would make the effort to come over here if he was any way serious about everything he was saying. You live & learn I guess ~ thank God I didn't go over, imagine landing over there if he didn't mean anything he had said!

Anyway, thanks for the opinions. I guess he may have meant it at the start. At least I found out before I made any major life changes for him!

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

@Prinz, he actually did want to get back together ~ he started all the talk of it and all the talk of me visiting. As I said, I don't mind him getting into a relationship, I just can't be friends when I have feelings for him!

ah thats different, now i know he's a bit of a gimp. You said the split was acrimonious.. maybe he's just trying to hurt you. Drop him. on his head preferably.