Still in Love

LegacyUser

I had a 4 year relationship and when it ended I was a mess. About three years without getting back into a relationship because it hurt me that much.

Then I met a girl I knew the minute I saw her there was a massive attraction. We got chatting and ended up going out. Hit it off straight away and things really took off. I never believed in Love at first sight but this was it. Things moved pretty quick and we moved in together. (Probably not the wisest move but it felt right at the time) From the beginning we told each other everything. She had a pretty messed up life in the past but I told her it didnt matter and it was in the past. After a few months of moving in together things began to change. She went from someone in love with me and couldnt do anything with out me to hardly being able to talk. When I asked her she just said she was depressed and couldnt communicate when feeling like that. I assured her I would give her space and help her anyway I could. Another month past and she said she didnt want to be in a relationship. I said I would wait for her and help her through a tough time but she said there was nothing I could do. We lived together for another month or so and remained friends then she moved out. I tried to get back but she said she didnt want a relationship when she was in a depressed state. So hard as it was I realised we werent getting back together. I was sick with hurt for a few weeks then with help and advice from friends I remembered previous relationship and living in a bad mood didnt help me so I got myself together and tried to move on with my life.

I met a new girl and had a lot in common and had a laugh together. We do the same sports like the same things. We were seeing each other even tho I was still thinking about my ex. The more I seen this girl the better things became between us. There wasnt the attraction as there was with my ex but we were active sports wise and had a real laugh together. Then my ex seen us together she said it was only then she wanted me back. I wasnt sure as my head was all over the place with emotions. We had a talk and she said we could get back together if we took it easy and only seen eachother at the weekends or at set dates. I still loved her but it didnt seem like it could be a true relationship if there was rules etc. She also said she couldnt come on as strong as she had been. I asked if it was she didnt love me but she said it was her way of dealing with it. I told her how I felt and said I thought it wouldnt work if I was watching what I said or done incase it upset her. We parted on good terms and I thought that was the end of it. Then one night she seen me kissing the new girl and said it was only then she realised how much she still loved me and it was hard for her to admit that. She really opened up and told me how much I meant to her. I still love her but things are really good with the new girl. With everything that happened in the past, I dont know if I should take a chance wrecking what I have. to go back with the worry my ex might get depressed and instead of wanting my help wants me to leave again. I dont think I could take loosing her again. My head is in a mess and I cant think straight. I know the decission has to come from me but is there anything I can do to help me make it. What should I be thinking about both cases?

LegacyUser

You sound like you depend on relationships a lot. Why don't you try being on your own for a bit?

LegacyUser

I dont depend on relationships. Just hard to know what to do in this case.

LegacyUser

I think it's pretty clear what you want and you've already told her...your head seems to be in a good place, or at least you're thinking logically. You could try again with your ex, knowing it won't work for you as you'll have to 'time' yourself and watch your words around her...which will eventually lead to a painful split like before....or you could see where things go with someone that seems to promise more stability than simply chasing you when you're moving on...I don't think he's relying on relationships, he's been single for 3yrs.

Curvy Vixen

I honestly think that if you're not sure that you want to stay with the current girl and you're not sure that you want to go back to the ex girl, then you shouldn't really be with either of them.

I do agree with the other poster that says maybe you need some space alone but more to see what it is that you want in a partner. At the moment it seems that the criteria is that they want you so you want them back.

If you don't feel an overwhelming pull towards one or the other then my answer is that it should be neither..

Sounds to me like the first gil is a bit of a nutter, no offence mate. I get the impression she is only "in love" with you because she sees you with someone else. My guess is that if you got back with her, a couple of weeks/months down the line she'd be splitting up with you again. Stick with the girl you are with now.

who007

Seems to be, ni my experience anyway, that women who fall for you quick are just as quick to leave you. Girl 1 seems to fall into that category. What does that say about a woman? I don't know, but I've heard it all before - you are wonderful, best boyfriend ever, no-one ever made me feel this way before etc. etc. Then after a couple of rough days or an argument or row they are gone. Maybe it's cos they idealise some of the men they meet or compare them favourably against things that made them unhappy about other men only to find that the guy is human or has other aspects of his personality that are different from the past ones but are still not perfect and in the end decide to quit cos it seems like work to them to keep it going.
Now there's also another thing about this. Nearly every woman I have known has felt a little sad about an ex getting married even when they were the one's to break up with the guy. So what I think has happened in your case is you met one of these short attention span women. I think you are better off with the fun girl. She sounds from your post like she is more stable. That may not be as dramatic or full of roller-coaster emotions as girl 1, but in the end it could end up providing you with a much deeper satisfaction about your relationship.
Whatever you decide, be fair to girl 2 cos she doesn't deserve to be treated by you the same way as you were treated by girl 1, and if ultimately you don't feel enough for her to keep seeing her then be gentle in breaking it off and don't tell her it's because of someone else if you are going to pursue girl 1.