Trust ... hard in sometimes in relationship?

Rosiecheeks

I was reading the thread on boyfriend oggling women and it reminded me of mine!

Was wondering if people find it hard to trust their partners/other halves?
I only ever had one significant relationship for 11 years (one child). I've also been treated very badly by my father so I've not had the best of experience with men. However, I've done a lot of healing work and moved on, I love being with a man & life is for living, and within a year apart am already 4 months into a relationship. We get on very well, very alike, same wavelength.

However, I am experiencing things I never experienced before (except around my dad perhaps who hooked up with someone straight after my mother died long time ago, possibly had an affair with her).
I find I am jealous and a little untrusting of my boyfriend. We live 2 hours apart so don't see each other mid-week but spend 2-3 full days a week together and do lots of thing. He texts me every morning and throughout day and we talk on phone every night if we are at home. We have made a commitment to each other at this stage. I'm not interested in messing about.

He likes to eye up women (most men do, I look too) but he's done it to the point of making comments to me about them, their appearance, how hot they are. To be honest I find this bad manners & rude & disrepectful but I'm getting used to it. He also has implied that my best friend has contacted him 'wanting him' i.e sex (now I told him her and hubby have open relationship). He says he's only winding me up but it's hurtful to think it might be happening. I've asked him not to do it - that he could destroy good friendships with that stupid carry on. She told him he was handsome the day we met - he's obsessed with what people think of him physically and keeps asking has anyone else said he's 'handsome' - I think it's a sign of insecurity.

He's kept it touch with his ex-girlfriends. Some people do but to be honest I think it's a bit strange unless you are good friends - some things you should leave behind. The longest relationship he had was one year. One I'd actually like to meet, she's over the water. One texted him on Saturday night out of blue, think he was embaressed a bit but I believe him, didn't ask to see text or anything but he doesn't seem to be hiding anything. He's got female friends. Everyone has exes but why talk about them so much? I talk about mine because I speak to him regularly as we share joint custody of our son.
For example we went for lovely walk yesterday & I said to him he should try a little walking to help him sleep at night. He said sure I have been walking with '*****' - the name of another girl (friend) who came up out of the blue in past couple of weeks. Then he backtracked and told me sure it had been a year since he did anything with her - I said sure why did you say that then? She texted while we were in bed the other Sunday morning. I just find it strange that her name came up so recently and now she is texting. He told that he had mentioned her in case her name came up on phone and I saw it.

Now my heart tells me this a good man that I want to be with for the longhaul. However I am starting to find issues with trust. When he's with me he's with me, I know that. He doesn't hide his phone, he's faithful to me or so he says & is that kind of person that I would imagine is all talk but no trousers! He told me he feels it's because we are so far apart that makes it hard for me. I feel hearing about nothing but women sometimes hard. I've heard all about them. Been called the exes name by mistake (I've done it too). He even has a female penpal now in the States who he had to log on to check out on Friday night when we came in from a night out. I was very miffed as I was expecting passion... she could be an auld one of 90 though lol

Why am I having so much trouble with this? Is it because he's like a carrot to a donkey? Does he like winding me up to make him feel good. Does it boost his ego to keep in touch with them, to get the messages, does it help his ego, is he insecure?
Will it just take me time to trust someone again, in all respects, because of my past experiences.
We've had arguments. He's upset me & vice versa yet we are also very good to each other.

At the end of the day the only person I can change is myself & I want to change this mistrust that has crept in lately.

Is it all an attention thing with him? Loves the sound of the text beep beep and knowing all those ladies out there love him?
I need help here to figure it all out!

bubblewrap

This guy has MAJOR insecurities! I think if he was up to something, he wouldn't be bragging about it to you, it is an ego boost! I can understand you being miffed though, it is very annoying because my bf will make comments to wind me up too and it drives me mad.

As much as you love him, tell him it has to stop or you are over, this will test how committed he is to you, tell him he should be happy with you and shouldn't feel the need to want so much attention from others.

Rosiecheeks

Thanks bubblewrap.
Yes I've come to realise it's all insecurities and him thriving on the attention, it boosts his ego to see him making me jealous I think plus to think loads of women 'want' him (though nobody has kept him so far).
I have told him, we're very open and honest. I comment but I don't want to sound like a nag. I told him it was juvenile and hurtful at times. Now I can do no more. He has issues in other respects and has said he is going to deal with them. Apart from that he is very loving and devoted even if he is very self-centred at times. I think I'm unlike other girls he's knows, very centred, don't need someone 'pleasing me' plus I'm a mother myself and it's been a long time since I only had 'myself' think of. I think he needs to cop himself on to be honest and put himself in my shoes and see how he might feel and think of someone else but himself for a change.

Rosiecheeks

Anyone else think the same - or experienced same and any tips how to deal with it (bar ignoring him or making light of it). How do you trust, takes time I guess to prove faithfullness?