Her Past

LegacyUser

Ok bit of history been going out with a girl a few months and well its getting serious our feelings are really strong. I know its prob soon for love but think we both feel it. We talked for about a year txtin as friends and well we live an hour drive away from each other. We didnt do anything earlier cause well we were both younger and didnt have money really to be meeting and both had leaving cert. Were both 19 now and decided to meet few months ago and was perfect like get on so well and everything is great and well im a virgin and we talked bout sex the other day. Shes kinda shy and well like you know not anyway slutty and i presumed she was a virgin cause well she told me dat months earlier. For 2 months last year we didnt talk much cause a close relation of hers was really sick and passed away gave her some space. Then she told me the other night that she went a bit off the rails and got really drunk and had 2 one night stands during that two months and is not a virgin and i was shocked. Like i got horrible feeling in my stomach and was all upset and im not sure why, i mean its not who she is and well we were not goin out then but for some reason really upset me. Maye cause i presumed would be both of ours first time and really special. But ye im not as bad now but thinkin off it is just uh drives me crazy. I think im worried she has more experience but also cause its shock and i dunno if it sounds controlling or sweet but the thought of another guy with her makes me upset. I have never been controlling but im curious. Like wanting to ask her do i know them?, how long did the sex last?, how does my penis size compare to them?, did the person stay the next morning?, are any of them in her college? Like its crazy and i know that am i being probably controlling selfish an stupid if ask these things or for even wanting to ask them. I mean i know its none of my business and im with her now and i cant realise why this is bothering me. Its just were so close and everything going so perfect and i dont wanna ruin it. Is this normal or do i need to get over it.

ellie1

it is perfectly normal to want to know these things but you will have to get over it. Dont ask her questions about it. If she wants you to know anything about it, she will tell you. And its okay to be disappointed that you were not her first but something you will have to accept if you want to continue with this.
Hope it all works out.

Queen-Mise

Get over it, these are all your questions and nothing really to do with your girlfriend at all.

Most people in relationships (myself included) have to deal with the fact that their girl/boy friends, partners & husband/wifes have slept with other people. This is something that you are going to have to learn deal with.

And to be honest those questions on size, quality of performance etc etc, everyone has them, its not just you. They just have to worked through (excuse the pun).

LegacyUser

don't be an eejit, ur gonna lose her if you start asking questions. These things are in her past, when you were not together, they are none of your business. You need to build a bridge and get over it

fabbydabby

One time, I made the mistake of asking my then girlfriend how many before me. NOT a good idea(The number could have had a decent full-size game of soccer with plenty of subs).

Just accept that there have been others and carry on. Try not to think about it. Everyone has to deal with it! The best way is to be better in bed than any of the previous ones.

idontknowmyname

I agree with previous poster- most OH's have a sexual history- you can't expect to have the lovely fantasy that you'll lose your virginity to each other. If you ask her about stuff you'll only torment yourself and she'll probably feel awkward telling you. Not good for you in the long run as you're obviously already driving yourself demented over it. Just try and forget about it, it's all you can do.

Wagon

This is a bit of a generalisation here but it is true, the women will usually have more partners than you. It's that they get approached more and have more oppurtunities than a lot of lads. That's just how it is so best to accept that now rather than later.

There's no point torturing yourself with the thoughts. It'll change nothing but I know the feelings you have all too well and I do think it's a **** buzz. Some people are more prone to it than others. The thing to remember is that one night stands are meaningless. Absolutely meaningless, other than to satisfy a sexual urge. When your going out with someone it's very different and a lot better. So with a bit of practice, i can gaurentee you'll be a lot better than the other two clowns

You'll get past this, you jsut have to accept that this is how things are. It'll get easier.:)

Scoobydoobydoo

You have to get past this, because it had nothing to do with you. I've seen this before with a good friend of mine, who was grief stricken, went off the rails drunk several times and slept with a guy she wouldn't have normally touched with a barge pole. Only for I was there to drag her away another occasion, there was a guy attempting to take serious advantage of her situation. I'd say your girlfriend was drunk, grieving, feeling lonely, and seeking comfort in the wrong places. From the sound of it, you were far away as well, maybe she'd have looked to you but the situation was what it was, and it seems like she very much regrets the episodes, even trying to discount them (or as you'd see it, lying), because they meant nothing to her, and maybe she even tries to block them from her mind. She was grieving, remember that. I'll bet, that just as your stomach was churning, hers was probably even worse, but she went through that because she cares enough about you to be as honest as she can be.
You need to show some consideration, you know her true character and this is an exception. She cares for you and that means way more than those things she'd rather forget. Don't be bringing it up because you'll ruin something you know is special. Put it out of your mind, ancient history, concentrate on all the good stuff you two have going for you, and go with the flow. Life's too short, enjoy it!

LegacyUser

to be honest, you were not in the wrong as everybody gets jealous or feels inferior at times especially when they discover that the girl they like so much has had past partners. however, i think it was better that she was honest with u as she feels like she can trust u and felt u had right to know.... it seems like she really cares for u and wants to make u happy. it also sounds like that those past guys were just drunken mistakes that she would not have gone near only she was grieving, gone some what out of control and sought comfort in the wrong place as she probably didnt think you would turn out to be the guy that you were!! hope it all goes well....