Sex or no sex????

LegacyUser

staying offreg for this one.

I have been single for nearly two years now but have met a lot of guys in that time. I find it easy to meet people and generally go on dates but nothing seems to come of it. I rarely have met someone i've wanted to do more than just kiss.

Anyway thats all okay really but in the last few months ive met two different guys who i liked...at the begining anyway. I was with each for about two months before it came to sex..and when it came to it neither wanted to...or possibly for both just couldnt manage it...there was no alcohol involved. The first was from halloween to christmas and the second after christmas...

I have read 2 articles recently which talked about a declining sex drive in men..is this true??? and if not, is it something to do with me??? I have had one big relationship in the past but other than that not much experience to go on...help

Stheno

Unregistered wrote: »

I have read 2 articles recently which talked about a declining sex drive in men..is this true??? and if not, is it something to do with me??? I have had one big relationship in the past but other than that not much experience to go on...help

You don't say how old you are, but regardless it could be for a number of reasons.

1. Not all men are completely sex mad, some need to feel a real emotional bond with a women (just as some women do) before they have sex/make love with them.

2. One or both of them may be quite religious, and not too comfortable bringing it up if it affects how they view a sexual relationship.

3. They may have a low sex drive.

I doubt it's you tbh, two months is not that long, I know a couple of blokes who wouldn't expect to sleep with a new girlfriend for 3-6 months (all guys in their 30s and 40s)

Were you comfortable enough with either to discuss it in any depth?

HTH

Phototoxin

I doubt it's you tbh, two months is not that long, I know a couple of blokes who wouldn't expect to sleep with a new girlfriend for 3-6 months (all guys in their 30s and 40s)

Says it all really. Sex is the superglue of love not some recreational activity to do when bored.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Unregistered wrote: »

I have read 2 articles recently which talked about a declining sex drive in men..is this true??? and if not, is it something to do with me??? I have had one big relationship in the past but other than that not much experience to go on...help

Going by the huge increase in female posters here saying their other half won't have sex with them I'd say theres something in it alright. Though it could be just an increase in female posters.

I'd still be dubious about it being the guys you've met, is there something about you that makes them think you'd be put off by sex - need more info really.

LegacyUser

thanks for that...i dont actually use sex to ease the bordem...I did mention that i had one previous relationship and not much experience to go on.

I'm 26 and as far as im concerned you shouldnt get into bed with someone if you dont want to give the impression that you want sex. I spent a lot of time with these men and felt comfortable enough with both to talk about it. However neither of them were able to do the same.

LegacyUser

I have never had sex first time with any girl I have been with. I usually turn it down. Girl im with now probably thought there was something wrong with me, or her for that fact considering I turned it down 3 times at the begining. Had nothing to do with not being attracted to her but simply because I generally like to feel comfortable with the girl beforehand and also the ones I really like I say no to first time because apparently men who dont sleep with woman at the first opportunity have a better chance of being a long term partner!!!! Sneaky I know but it tends to work! It makes woman think that your not just after sex even though you may be.

LegacyUser

okay well in both cases it wasnt just a one off thing. the guy just recently has no problem sleeping the night a few times a week just doesnt want sex at all. its confusing. I'm fine with no sex..i can wait...but what is the deal with getting into bed and withholding...???

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

but what is the deal with getting into bed and withholding...???

That's the bit I don't get. Are we talking no action at all? That is strange. To me anyway.

LegacyUser

at the risk of giving out too much information...there was some 'action' but. I just wasnt allowed to reciprocate. But that just made me feel a bit dirty...like he was just keeping me happy. I really would have been fine to wait and not have sex for a while. It made me feel like a crazed sex addict....but if you get in bed beside a girl...expect her to want to have sex....

upmeath

Unregistered wrote: »

....but if you get in bed beside a girl...expect her to want to have sex....

I wouldn't agree with that at all, I'd never expect a girl to have sex the first time I get into bed with her (or any time after for that matter. It's not to be expected). Maybe I'm one of these diminished sex drive males you're talking about, but I'm not in my 30s or 40s as a previous poster suggested many of these males are.
I'm in my early 20s and a student, living away from home in Dublin. Most of the girls I've been with are of the same age and students living away from home too. People often think we're a horny bunch who sleep around alot, but I can safely say no girl I've ever been in bed with has expected sex first time, nor have I.
It's something that happens in a relationship as you build up trust, common ground and mutual feelings over a number of months or maybe years.

LegacyUser

hmmm,..i dont know...maybe not the first night...but the tenth eleventh twelvth etc??? is that normal now??

Stheno

upmeath wrote: »

Maybe I'm one of these diminished sex drive males you're talking about, but I'm not in my 30s or 40s as a previous poster suggested many of these males are.

Err actually I said:

I know a couple of blokes who wouldn't expect to sleep with a new girlfriend for 3-6 months (all guys in their 30s and 40s)

That's a couple out of about 30 odd

Anyway having read the OP's updates, the fact that they are going to bed together and there is some action, but she is "not allowed" to reciprocate, OP maybe the guys are shy, or conservative ?

Hard to know tbh.

I can understand that you find it frustrating tho

Board Walker

im not sure what to make of this situation but i genuinely wouldnt be blaming yourself.

LegacyUser

maybe your right, i'm not a shy or nervous person at all so i didnt consider that


The first guy was a guy i had known for years which is why it excellerated so fast and tbh i think with him it might have been an actuall physical problem not that i'l ever know

But this time i'm lost ,..no idea what is going on. This guy is actually still around but i have let it fizzle a bit because i feel so odd about it. I know thats probably not right of me...but he doesnt want to talk about it and i now feel like like i cant touch him...and not just in an intimate way..but its like theres a wierd balance between us now...

Board Walker

i wonder if he can get it up when your not around?

my mate had this problem before and it was a total mental thing, we were at a party and i poped a viagra into his drink lol needless to say he ended up doing the business and because he taught he had overcome this problem he never had the problem again. i wont tell him ever. not because he would go mad for me putting a viagra into his drink but he would prob be back to square 1.

basically what im sayin is it is very possibly a mental thing. or else a alcohol problem

Blue_Wolf

Em I don't agree with your statment. Your with you missus 1 year and she's now deciding whether to stay with you, suddenly she remembers you didn't want to have sex with you on the 1st date, wow.
This statement may prove true for 1st impressions and therefore maybe enhance your chances of getting a 2nd date or may just be part of your pros as a person to mask your con. My theory is for every pro you have a con.
Women may even find this approach insulting and might be embarrased to go on a 2nd date.

Unregistered wrote: »

I really like I say no to first time because apparently men who dont sleep with woman at the first opportunity have a better chance of being a long term partner!!!! Sneaky I know but it tends to work! It makes woman think that your not just after sex even though you may be.

Zaph

Board Walker wrote: »

my mate had this problem before and it was a total mental thing, we were at a party and i poped a viagra into his drink lol

Board Walker, please be aware that the misuse of drugs, including prescription medication, is not something that is condoned on this forum. We would appreciate it of you didn't regale us with such stories again in the future.

Thanks

Board Walker

Zaph wrote: »

Board Walker, please be aware that the misuse of drugs, including prescription medication, is not something that is condoned on this forum. We would appreciate it of you didn't regale us with such stories again in the future.

Thanks

yeah no bother.

But a valid point worth mentioning is that its a widely debaited issue that Viagra is a recreational drug and has been debaited and condoned by many radio presenter's. Anyway thats all on the issue.

Nevyn

Board Walker wrote: »

yeah no bother.

There is plenty of harm, I suggest you read the rules for posting in this forum
break them again and you will have your posting privileges revoked.

Board Walker wrote: »

But a valid point worth mentioning is that its a widely debaited issue that Viagra is a recreational drug and has been debaited and condoned by many radio presenter's.

What counts is the irish medical counsells stance on it, it is a prescription only
drug which has serious side effects and is there for not for recreational use.

Board Walker

Thaedydal wrote: »

There is plenty of harm, I suggest you read the rules for posting in this forum
break them again and you will have your posting privileges revoked.



What counts is the irish medical counsells stance on it, it is a prescription only
drug which has serious side effects and is there for not for recreational use.

i never said there was no harm? i said yeah no bother. IE i agree with you and i have no problem with your comment.

aare

Unregistered wrote: »

at the risk of giving out too much information...there was some 'action' but. I just wasnt allowed to reciprocate. But that just made me feel a bit dirty...like he was just keeping me happy. I really would have been fine to wait and not have sex for a while. It made me feel like a crazed sex addict....but if you get in bed beside a girl...expect her to want to have sex....

This is ringing big red alarm bells for me...I have come across something like it...more than once, and it has always been a power game that did NOT get better with time.

I have a feeling you would be better off just moving on...regardless, I am quite sure it isn't anything wrong with you.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the input...i've made my mind up now that its not agood situation for me to be in and am planning to completely end it. planning to stick to hand holding in future...far less complicated : )

Beruthiel

Board Walker wrote: »

i poped a viagra into his drink

It's been quite a while since I read such an irresponsible comment in this forum.
You had no idea at the time how his body could have reacted to such a drug.

Good lord, think before you do something like that again.