Too good to be true??

LegacyUser

I've been single for about 2 years after coming out of a three year relationship. I've dated a couple of men in that time but none that I felt any significant attraction to. I didn't get any of the butterflies in your tummy type feeling about them and tbh I thought it was maybe because I was older now (mid-twenties) and you just didn't get that anymore. So i tried the whole dating thing with some really nice guys hoping that I might grow to like them but my heart just wasn't in it.

Then when I least expected it I met someone and there it was, butterflies, fireworks the whole lot. We have loads in common, lots of mutual friends and just really seem to hit it off. This was only 2 weeks ago and in that time we just can't seem to get enough of each other. He seems to really like me too, he treats me really well & we have great fun together.

All good right? I should be happy out but I've found over the past few days that these niggling fears are creeping. I really think this is someone who I could see my-self with long-term and I'm worried that it won't happen. I keep thinking that it's too good to be true & I'll end up messing up or getting my heart broken.

I know I should be just going with it and enjoying things. Has anyone had this before, how can I shake these feelings?

LegacyUser

Hi.

I can't say I've been through exactly what you're going through right now, but I think I've been in a similar situation.

The truth is, there isn't really anything you can do get rid of those niggling fears and doubts. Whenever you enter into any kind of meaningful relationship with another person, you are taking a risk of sorts. A little anxiety comes with the territory. The trick is to not let your fear of getting hurt paralyse you and stop you from living a full and happy life.

Okay, so you say you're worried about messing things up. The way I see it there are three ways things could turn out:


1. You don't do anything. You let your worries get the best of you and spend the rest of your life wondering about what could have been.

2. You do something about it. You meet a great person, have a great relationship with them, and essentially live happily ever after.

3. You do something about it. Things don't work out as well as you'd have liked and you feel a little upset and hurt by it. You get over it, learn a little something, move on and at some point down the line, you look back and feel grateful for the experience, ready for whatever life will dish you out next.


The only way you can lose here is by choosing the first option. Just relax, go with the flow, give it your best shot and see how things go from there. Life is supposed to be lived, so don't be afraid to live it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Just don't start putting pressure/guilt trips on him to stick arou nd and it could work out great.

I think this is a fear everyone feels when they meet someone really great. The worst thing you could start doing is being needy

LegacyUser

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Just don't start putting pressure/guilt trips on him to stick arou nd and it could work out great.

I think this is a fear everyone feels when they meet someone really great. The worst thing you could start doing is being needy

TBH I wouldn't have that problem at all. It would be more likely that the opposite would happen. I'd tend to back away from things where there is a risk attached, silly I know but I am trying not to let my fears consume me.

Some randomer thats a good point, I know you are right and I would probably give someone the same advice. It's hard to be rationale when you're in the situation though... just have to keep a cool head I suppose

Salome

I know it's hard but you've just got to put those fears to the back of your mind otherwise you could jeopardise a perfectly good relationship with the man who could be the one - if you don't mess it up!

Unless he's done something tangible to make you have those fears, which is sounds like he hasn't - you've really just got to smother the negative feelings and get on with enjoying your relationship.

cantdecide

You aren't kids any more. You really can simply start to declare your intentions/ feelings at this stage in an unscary way. You can't spend your life waiting to see what happens next. If he's like most blokes, he won't pick up on the subtleties and behaviours that you are sending him. Simply telling him that you like him a lot will give him you the best gauge of his feelings toward you before you expose yourself to him emotionally.

Ironé

It's only been two weeks so just try to relax and enjoy yourself and get to know each other better.

What you're feeling now can turn into an uncontrollable urge to 'define' the relationship i.e. get confirmation from him of his feelings towards you. I've seen many women (including myself!!!) screw up relationships by getting too 'needy' and wanting to hear how he feels about you.

Just enjoy it - the butterfly feelings are the best!

star-pants

OP I know that feeling, when things are great & you're crazy about them and you just can't help but think, 'why am I having such luck with this?' expecting a piano to fall on your head or something horrible to happen.

But you have to remember - you deserve this, you deserve to be happy and have a wonderful bf. So just try and enjoy it and see where it goes, don't put too much pressure on yourself or him, but just go with the flow, go with what feels right & natural.
We all get these niggly feelings, but I wouldn't pay them too much heed without due cause

SarahSassy

You are just going through natural uncertainty and it will pass. Its our way of examining if this person is right for us and if he is then it will pass... Its all part of the process and once I realised this it made life easier. Accordingly to D Gray - MArs & Venus On a Date women stress about if the men like them where as men worry if they like the girl.

LegacyUser

Hi All, OP Here


I was just thinking about this thread & wanted to thank you for the replies.


I took the advice and just went with things. It's a month later now.. about 6 weeks in for us and still going strong. We had the relationship talk last night, I couldn't be happier Butterflies are still there too.

Son thanks to all who replied

SarahSassy

OP delighted to hear that Its almost easier to run scared than face up to the possibility of being hurt but fair play to you, you did it and I hope you go on to reap the rewards for plenty of time to come.

Enjoy

CathyMoran

OP your post reminded me how I felt when I first met my wonderful husband, unfortunatly for me I let those feelings get to me for years before finally settling down - I now have a wonderful husband.

The way that I look at it, is better to have loved and lost than to never to have loved at all...I didnt take the chance with someone years ago (my first love) and while it worked out (see above), I did have regrets at the time.

Edit: I should also say that I am delighted that you are taking the chance - really hope that all goes well for you.

Wibbs

Yay!:)











my shortest pi post ever;)

thebiggestjim

good good, best of luck.

Swashbuckler

These feelings are completely natural..I've seen this crop up with a lot of my friends (myself included)..I think it's human nature to feel like this when you meet someone special - vulnerability and insecurity kicks in. By the sounds of it you seem like a nice person with a good heart so just remember that you deserve to be happy and you have a lot to offer. I'm sure your partner is feeling these feelings too..Try not to overthink things too much..If things don't work out it's not the end of the world is it? Life goes on etc. So enjoy it..