Just sex

LegacyUser

ok so met a guy a couple of months ago, had kinda known him for a while and when we hooked up he told me he'd been into me for a while. So texting for a couple of weeks, he asks me out. We go out a couple of times, nice dates, not amazing but nice. Anyway, he has told me since he is not into starting a relationship, which is fine as I'm not either (I'm just out of a long term relationship). Thing is, it's becoming obvious he's only really looking for a f**k buddy, i reckon. I just don't get it though, if i'm into someone, i'm into them. I like to meet up with them, get to know them better etc. How do people decide this person is only worth having sex with and not having a relationship with? Maybe I'm very naive, but would appreciate any insight please.

LegacyUser

I asked a girl to do this before. At the time i felt she was more into me than i was into her, i'm pretty sure i could have stringed her along and shagged her for a while until i met someone else & then dumped her, but i decided to tell her instead, she didn't go for it.

Perhaps i would have been better to continue the relationship in the hope i would develop something more for her but i just didnt really connect with her too much. Time spent together wasn't the great laugh it had been with other girls, i didn't feel we had many things in common or that she was especially someone i would share my intimate thoughts & feelings with: but she was pretty hot and as i said she was really eager and i was very single.

maybe i made a mistake, i dunno. it's hard to say to somebody that you dont really see any future & it's hard to turn down an offer of sex when you're not getting much. I know alot of lads would have just made her beileve there was a future just to get the sex!

IzzyWizzy

Well, if you start going to the cinema and on dates as well as sleeping together, what's that if it isn't a relationship?

LegacyUser

IzzyWizzy wrote: »

Well, if you start going to the cinema and on dates as well as sleeping together, what's that if it isn't a relationship?

Im a guy and Id think like you. If I was doing all that stuff then id tend to think I was in a relationship but for others they would think this was just dating and unless the two people have had "the discussion" and confirmed that they are exclusive than its still fair game to see other people too.

LegacyUser

OP here. No, thing is, since we had the "not into anything serious" little chat, there haven't been anymore dates. But there hasn't actually been any sex either, (ever btw)! Confusing, I know. Basically, since then he has asked me if I'm "up to anything tonight" a few times, but only ever on the day though, never with any notice and I've never been available, genuinely. I have done the same tho, except usually when I'm drunk and he hasn't been available. I've decided a few times to give up on it but he keeps getting in contact. So I suppose it's just for sex, which brings me back to my original question, how do guys/people come to that decision - that they are only interested in sex, nothing more?

IzzyWizzy

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here. No, thing is, since we had the "not into anything serious" little chat, there haven't been anymore dates. But there hasn't actually been any sex either, (ever btw)! Confusing, I know. Basically, since then he has asked me if I'm "up to anything tonight" a few times, but only ever on the day though, never with any notice and I've never been available, genuinely. I have done the same tho, except usually when I'm drunk and he hasn't been available. I've decided a few times to give up on it but he keeps getting in contact. So I suppose it's just for sex, which brings me back to my original question, how do guys/people come to that decision - that they are only interested in sex, nothing more?

Well, if they don't want all the drama and hassle that can come with relationships but want the sex. Especially if they've just come out of a relationship. I think when you start going on dates and whatnot (even things like the cinema or drinks) it's extremely difficult not to end up as boyfriend and girlfriend. This is my experience. I've been in the situation you describe (but without the sex, just kissing etc), texting randomly and nothing really came of it. If someome is really into you, they'll make a lot more effort than that.

gaeilgegrinds

I've done the just sex thing. I've also done the just sex thing but we were going to the cinema and having dinner too. Men often seem to equate relationships with agro which is sad, show him you're not like that but don't hold too much hope for him actually caring that much.

star-pants

It sounds like he just wants the sex side of things, hence no more 'dates' and last minute 'booty calls' - if you're up for nostrings sex, go for it. If not, politely tell him you're not interested in that.

I know guys & girls who just want to get their sex fix, don't want a partner or someone to date because they're happy with themselves at the moment, but some people have needs. This is why they can decide to have fck buddies.

Madame Razz

Some people can do the no strings thing OP.

It suits them for all kinds of reasons.

But just because other people can do the f*ckbuddy thing doesn't mean that you have to.

And a lot of people can't.

But if you feel that you can't you need to be very direct in terms of telling this guy where to go.

Afterall he has made his feelings clear to you(and it is good that he has been honest tbh, albeit it wasn't the nicest thing for you to hear) and if you don't feel comfortable with the f*ckbuddy thing you need to tell him this, stop contacting him and walk away.

He has been upfront about what he wants from this. Sleeping with him will not make him like you.

I don't mean to sound harsh when I say that but it's the truth.

Bottle_of_Smoke

If you think someones sexually attractive but not the best you can do its no reason to not have sex with them

Thats what he thinks of you