Boyfriend lost interest??

LegacyUser

without making this a really long story i think my boyfriend is falling out of love with me even though he says things are fine.

have been togther 3 and a half years, hes 27 and im 25. we were the envy of all our friends when we got together cos we got on so well,did everything with each other and were madly in love,we actually never fought over anything. we were both big into partying every weekend but about a year ago i just stopped going out all the time and partying,id been doing it every weekend since i was 16. basically hes gone from the best most loving boyfriend who adored me to being barely interested in seeing me. we've been fighting alot cos he only seems to be in great form when hes with his friends, we'd arrange to meet on a saturday night and he'd be so wrecked from the night before that he'll just fall asleep, we used to meet nearly every night and id stay in his house most nights but now he seems to think meeting 2 nights in a row is too much. i used to be a really laid back girlfriend and he could do what he liked but that was beacuse i knew he missed me when i wasnt around and that he loved doing stuff with me and he made plans with me.we used to talk about getting married thats how good we were together. now he seems so uninterested all the time.

another thing is i think he has some kind of depression cos since ive known him he gets "down" as he puts it but it can be so regularly that i think its depression but he wont acknowledge that it could be. i really dont know what to do, the reason ive noticed changes in him is because he was actually the perfect boyfriend when we met and now he really seems like hes not bothered. dont know what to do, really dont to break up with him but im sick of always hoping he'll go back to how he used to be, when i mention anything he says im overreacting.

im so sad when i think of how we used to be,how can i fix this!!

Oh The Humanity

we were both big into partying every weekend but about a year ago i just stopped going out all the time and partying,id been doing it every weekend since i was 16.

Theres your answer right there, ye were compatable as you were both in the same life stage ie partying

But now you've stopped and by the looks of things his partying lifestyle is taking its toll on him and he is starting to have a few problems with it.

Depression and things falling apart can be an occupational hazard of a continuing party lifestyle especially if there are white drugs involved.

He may want to continue indefinitely, some people do, or he may decide to retire as you have, but to find out you need to talk to him.

If you cant get any chat out of him, if he fobs you off or continues indifferent then you have your answer.

A party lifestyle is alright when you are young but when you start bringing it into your older life you will have problems, also women who party will age much quicker so think on.

LegacyUser

OP here. i do think the fact that ive lost interest in the party scene and he hasnt makes things a bit harder but i dont think our relationship was based on that from the start. he has actually calmed down on the partying cos i said i was sick of him being wrecked when i met him the night after, i cant expect him to stop altogether beacuse we were both doing it when we met. he thinks im trying to change him so anything i say to him he says im overreacting, but im not gonna be walked all over like,i want him to show me he loves me if we're to stay together, dont know if he just couldnt be arsd to show it or if he just doesnt feel it anymore.

Craft25

After 3 years is when the exstatic love chemicals wear off in the brain, partners take off the rose coloured spectacles and begin to see the reality of each other, including their respective flaws.

Scientists have suggested this may be enough time for our hunter gatherer ancestors to get 'up the duff' and raise the child through the most vulverable years.

The 'Three year itch' can be the end of a relationship or the beginning of a more fulfilling one. This is the point where you can together make a clear decision to accept each others faults, to commit to putting hard work in, and to share your lifes experiences and memories together.

Would you like to leave him, find new love again and then have the same decision to make again after 3 years? Or to work through it?

If you are to work through it both parties will have to be aware that everything will not always be hunky dory, and that there will come times when you are attracted to other people and will consider leaving, but that you are both committed to taking the rough with the smooth, and wait for that next profound moment of shared love to come around.

Gone Fishin

This is a tough situation for you. There definitely is some problem and you need to acknowledge that with him. Sit down and talk to him and explain to him that something has gone wrong, if he can't admit that or see that, then I think that he may be covering something up. You say that he is always in good form when he is with his mates, is he never in good form with you? If you are not going out partying all the time, do you still do stuff together? Do you go for dinner, cinema etc? The first post reply was right, if there are drugs involved - pills, powder or herbs, then depression and withdrawal are definitely factors which could be affecting him.

You need to show explain to him in your words what the relationship meant to you and how it made you feel before. You also need to explain to him that the current situation is not enjoyable for you. Its always hard to break up with someone but sometimes things just run their course - don't waste your life hoping it will get better, go and change it, make your life better. You sound like a really nice, sincere girl and you deserve better. It sounds like he is in the period were the lads are king and its "party on" all the time, it stops and people grow up but he might just not be ready right now. You have to accept that also.

Have "that" chat. If the result is not what you want, bite the bullet and move on. Life is short, enjoy it.

LegacyUser

OP here,thanks for the replies!!just needed advice from people other than my friends, even though they did give me some good advice too. we still do stuff together but not as much as we used too,we're going away this weekend for a few days so ill see how that goes,maybe bring the subject up gently over dinner but as much as i love him and couldnt imagine my life without him hope isnt enough any more, i cant make him want to be with me and want to do stuff with me or make him see my point of view so ill just see what happens in the next week or 2.thanks again!!

LegacyUser

OP here,dont know if anyone will even see this now cos the forum is a few weeks old. anyway my boyfriend and i broke up a few days ago. it just all came to a head and i finished with him but the next day i said i regretted it and could we try sort it out but he said we need time apart cos we havent been gettin on.that is true but we havent been getting on cos when we both say we'll both make an effort he seems to do the opposite. i just said i dont see how a break will help cos if he wont make an effort in our relationship now then why will he after time apart? i think its more about him wanting time on his own to do his own thing but he wont admit it. im not gonna wait aorund til he gets bored and decides to come back to me and just forget all about it. i love him so much though and i am so heart broken i dont know what ill do without him.
he keeps saying he loves me so much and hes in bits too and all this but i dont understand why he wont try and make it work if he really means all that.
i think ill just have to try move on but i actually feel quite panicy when i think about never being with him again.i know ill probably get over it in time but dont know how ill get through the next few months or however long it takes. havent been sleeping the last couple of nights and when i do and wake up for even a second im thinking about him. im so heart broken.