Clingy "friend"

LegacyUser

Hey,
Lookin for some advice,
I have a friend whos married and has a 4 year old and is 24,which is fine no problems there.
But im single and out going etc and she constantly calls and txts me to make sure i go up to her house and i mean every day,and if i dont shes goes mad at me!!
Dont ask me how i let it go this far because i dont know!!
i mean im at the stage that i wont even answer the phone to her because i dont want her to bully me into going up to her!!
All she does when i gp up is bitch and moan about her husband and her son and scream at him(not a nice place to be as you can imagaine)
And she constantly uses me for lifts everywere and i mean everywhere and anytime.
Im ver easy going which im sure is my down fall,nut as soon as i build up the guts to say any of this to her she turns around and says im using her and that shes always there for me why cant i be there for her????
What the hell like!!!
im not married to her im my own person like but even if i go for a drink with my brothers and dont tell her i get quizzed about it and told by her"thanks for the invite"....

Any advise please

bubblewrap

A serious chat is needed here, you need to sit her down and tell her she can't use you and have you there all of the time, explain you want to be there for her but it is impossible every day, especially when it is you having to make the effort to meet.

I have a similar friend, she always wants me round but her child is a demon and tbh I feel bad but I always cancel because she can't be arsed with her kid and expects me to watch over him even if I am a guest at a party or whatever, it is difficult isn't it because you kind of feel sorry for them in a way but on the same hand, they are using us in some ways.

LegacyUser

OMG thats exactly it!!!
I do like her when shes not using me which isnt very often!!
Iv tried speaking to her about it and she doesn lidten at all she turns it around into poor me i cant believe your doing this to me etc bla bla bla crap!!
I mean i have my own problems and thigs going on without having to deal with her....
I do actually feel like screamin realy relay load at her sometimes im that frustrated!!!!

EG...
She went for a rootein womans checkup last week and i txt to see how she got on,...grand....then i was tired and very stressed from work so i didn go up to her and turned my phone off...
So the next day i went into work and had 10 messages from her why arent u answering your ohone or wb etc etc so i txt her sayin sorry phone went dead and was tired...
And all i got back was so that doen stop you from coming to see if im ok,i mean its realy hurt me that you wernt even bothered to come and see me for 20 mins,im realy worried after yeaterday etc etc................
So ijust lost the plot and told her to f**k off and i aint txt her since......
Now i feel terrible for it but what else can you do you know!!!!

bubblewrap

My friend isn't that bad with the messages lol but I guess it is similar, because she is so nice (but lazy), I do feel bad for not wanting to be there but a lot of other people are the same, even her parents don't come round much because as soon as another person is in sight, that kid is theirs! :eek::D

Blue_Wolf

If she's not a great friend have you considered taking the approach of changing your number?

Oh The Humanity

Just blank her altogether, she's no loss!

bubblewrap

Sounds like a good plan, however I could not do that as she lives next door to my parents!

Maybe you could do that OP if all you are getting out of her is an expensive petrol bill.

Bottle_of_Smoke

What do you have to benefit from this parasite?

She's just using you, you just need to blank her, live your life and spend time with real friends.

Its her child, her husband, your basically filling in for his inadequacies. She needs to cop on and when she does she might start treating you like a normal friend.

Do you really think she'd do the same for you when you have kids?

All she does when i gp up is bitch and moan about her husband and her son and scream at him(not a nice place to be as you can imagaine)

Tell her shes being a bad mother behaving this way. She wont like that and will probably contact you a lot less.

LegacyUser

Yeah thats very true,she probably wouldnt do it for me,shes never once made the effort to come over and see me either is always me thats goes to see her because shes too lazy to get off her ass and walk 10min down road to me!!
I know it probably is for the best that i am ignoring her rite now but a part of me feels guilty for bein so harsh with her and ignorn her

ellie1

Sometimes people dont recoginise or cant or wont recognise their own behaviour and the impact it has on others. If you dont want this person in your life, leave it as it is.
However if there is anything worth saving write her a letter explaining how you feel and tell her you can pop up to visit once a week or whatever. Sometimes when things are written down , people can recoginise the error of their ways. However, sometimes some people are so blinded and deluded by their own self importance they cant /wont ever see the error of their ways and change. It could be the lightbulb moment she needs.

Sephiroth_dude

Unregistered wrote: »

OMG thats exactly it!!!
I do like her when shes not using me which isnt very often!!
Iv tried speaking to her about it and she doesn lidten at all she turns it around into poor me i cant believe your doing this to me etc bla bla bla crap!!
I mean i have my own problems and thigs going on without having to deal with her....
I do actually feel like screamin realy relay load at her sometimes im that frustrated!!!!

EG...
She went for a rootein womans checkup last week and i txt to see how she got on,...grand....then i was tired and very stressed from work so i didn go up to her and turned my phone off...
So the next day i went into work and had 10 messages from her why arent u answering your ohone or wb etc etc so i txt her sayin sorry phone went dead and was tired...
And all i got back was so that doen stop you from coming to see if im ok,i mean its realy hurt me that you wernt even bothered to come and see me for 20 mins,im realy worried after yeaterday etc etc................
So ijust lost the plot and told her to f**k off and i aint txt her since......
Now i feel terrible for it but what else can you do you know!!!!

You did the rite thing by telling her to f**k off she might cop herself on now.

stupidsometimes

The day I told my stalker friend where to go was the most liberating day of my entire life. I must say life has been a joy and a ton of fun ever since.