Move in with my boyfriend?

collegegal

Im in a bit of a pickle as to move in with my boyfriend or not....here is the scenario: He is living in a house now for three months and just asked me to move in with him. We are together now over six years and have never lived together. The hesitation that I have is the fact im still in college. I'm finishing my thesis in the next few weeks but I had planned on doing a masters before I settle down. I dunno what to do now....I really love my boyfriend but dont want to lose him if I say no. Yet if I do move in with him, I dont know how well we will be able to survive if im only working parttime and doing a masters fultime! Any advice

LegacyUser

collegegal wrote: »

Im in a bit of a pickle as to move in with my boyfriend or not....here is the scenario: He is living in a house now for three months and just asked me to move in with him. We are together now over six years and have never lived together. The hesitation that I have is the fact im still in college. I'm finishing my thesis in the next few weeks but I had planned on doing a masters before I settle down. I dunno what to do now....I really love my boyfriend but dont want to lose him if I say no. Yet if I do move in with him, I dont know how well we will be able to survive if im only working parttime and doing a masters fultime! Any advice

My advice is to wait. You've been together six years, surely another year won't hurt at that stage. Moving in together is stressful enough and requires a lot of work, time and effort. Doing a thesis and starting a masters is a tough enough time.

RedXIV

After 6 years, you might be confusing moving in together with spending the rest of your life together. Anyone here will tell you that you should live with someone before you commit for life and to be honest, at 6 years, your in the contention for that. So why not try it? Tell him its a trial thing and if you don't like it, you can move back out. From his point of view, if you're doing a masters and a part time job, this might be the best way he can spend time with you.

LegacyUser

RedXIV wrote: »

Anyone here will tell you that you should live with someone before you commit for life .

Anyone? I hope you're not implying everyone. You should no more live with someone before you commit than you should do x y z. Your contention is bull.

thegame

I would wait i had been going out with my girlfriend 5 years and we moved to dublin we lasted 6 months and it was over.it was stressful for the two of us.:(

Oh The Humanity

Maybe dont overthink it and see it as 'settling down' -just move in see how ye get on, if it doesn't work out no biggie!

I think people put far too much angst into moving in, I would see it as much more casual and convenient to live together, its reversable, you can get out of it quickly.

Its not like you are buying together or getting married!

ellie1

Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and take the plunge. Relationships which seem almost perfect can quickly fall apart when people live together. Often people find the pressure too much. However, a friend of mine is going out with somebody for the past 7 months and I encouraged her when she asked to move in with him. The reason being...why wait? Find out if you can make it work living together.
On the other hand, if your really not happy with the idea, then dont do it.

Miss Fluff

Wait. If you are find where you are living right now condusive to getting your study done etc then stay put until that's out of the way imo.

Gyalist

RedXIV wrote: »

After 6 years, you might be confusing moving in together with spending the rest of your life together. Anyone here will tell you that you should live with someone before you commit for life and to be honest, at 6 years, your in the contention for that.

Anyone who gives that advice would be quite wrong as every study that has looked at the subject has found a much higher incidence of breakups among cohabiting couples.

ellie1

Gyalist wrote: »

Anyone who gives that advice would be quite wrong as every study that has looked at the subject has found a much higher incidence of breakups among cohabiting couples.

I think this is because people really get to know each other when living together and realise they are not compatible. i think you have to live with someone to really know them. I even found it easier to get an with my parents when i moved out.:D

Gyalist

It also applies to couples who cohabited before marriage.

ellie1

I still think its better to get to know somebody by living with them first. I wouldnt live my life my the results of studies anyway:)

pookie82

Gyalist wrote: »

Anyone who gives that advice would be quite wrong as every study that has looked at the subject has found a much higher incidence of breakups among cohabiting couples.

Which means thaaaaaat.........they weren't very compatible or suitable in the long run and any kind of long term commitment which includes cohabitating (like marriage) would never have worked out.

It's silly to suggest not moving in with someone in case you guys break up IF it looks like the relationship is headed for serious waters. If she wants to hold off on making such a commitment for a while, then fair enough, but if she holds off because she thinks moving in together will spell the end for them, I hope she has no intention of ever settling down with him, and that she tells HIM that.

dudara

Posters, stick to the topic at hand. Dont' get detracted.

dudara

collegegal

No,it's not that I am afraid of settling down,I love him and can't wait for a life with him,I'm just confused if I should wait until I finish my studies,or just take the leap now?

dudara

collegegal, I've always found that when it comes to relationships, you practically know instantaneously what you want to do.

You might think about it, and dwell on it, but you'll probably end up going with your first instinct.

So, what did you think first?

collegegal

You know what...your right dudara....I have been spending too much time worrying about the if's and but's ...my first instinct was to pack my stuff straight away and make the bed warm! I think I just needed a little clarity on the situation.