Funniest Lyrics

bullpost

What are the funniest lyrics you've heard?

Mine would be (they do sound much funnier than they read):

"Mention The Lord Of The Rings one more time
and I'll more than likely kill you.
Moorcock, Moorcock, Michael Moorcock you fervently moan.
......"

from Dickie Davies Eyes - Half Man, Half Biscuit.

Rigsby

One of my favourites is from "Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem" (muppets band ) and it goes :

Her hair is in the closet,
Her teeth are on the shelf,
I'm gonna put the best bits in a bag,
And go out by myself.

Placid_Casual

The Queen Is Dead by The Smiths always brings a smile to my face

"I broke into the palace
With a sponge and a rusty spanner
She said 'I know you and you cannot sing'
I said 'That's nothing, you should hear me play piano'"

callaway92

Bloc Party. - Flux

If your right hand i causing you pain, cut it off, cut it off
If your colours are starting to run, let them run away with you

F@rrell

no it has to be bell x 1's latest single the great defector

the best line ever : "YOUR THE CHOKOLATE AT THE END OF MY CORNETO"

ha brilliant

nicky distance

it's gotta be Lil Kim'

"I've slept with more (w)rappers than the homeless..."

Peyton Manning

Ludacris - Stand Up

"Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are wreckless,
Feels like a midget is hanging from my necklace"


The Game - 300 Bars & Runnin

"I dont need 50 Cent, we make collect calls"

delbertgrady

Do you sing like Olive Oyl on purpose?
You guys must be into the Eurythmics.

Rhythm Section Want Ad - They Might Be Giants

Kold

MC Chris, early Eminem (think Rawkus), Flight of the Conchords, They Might be Giants, Tenacious D would all be known for their amusing lyrics.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6-XBTHiBHY

MC Chris song about getting off his face on codine.

1mcampo1

N*E*R*D - Anti Matter

Mother****er, are you A.D.H.D, A.D.H.D, A.D.H.D.
You jump around like you A.D.H.D, A.D.H.D, A.D.H.D.
:pac: :pac: :pac:

meldrew

Divine Comedy National Express "Now her arse is the size of a small country"

hallelujah

meldrew wrote: »

Divine Comedy National Express "Now her arse is the size of a small country"

But its hard to get by when your arse is the size of a small country.

conchubhar1

Hate the Ku Klux Klan, they abuse curtains and sheets
And I need 'em at home, but that's a personal peeve

hate the artist but ''I've been through it all the fails the falls, like Niagra
But i Bounced right back up like Viagra''

You cursed it, but rehearsed it
I drop unexpectedly like bird ****

Ask Beavis I get nothing But head

I'm really calm and peaceful
I like birds, bees, I like people
I like things that make me happy and gleeful
like when my teacher sucked my wee in pre school

again hate the artist but ''I luv ya like a fat kid loves cake''

Wearing visors sunglasses and disguises
Cause my split personality is having an identity crisis
I'm Dr. Hyde and Mr. Jekyl
Disrespectful
Hearing voices in my head while these whispers echo

lots of others - googled all these as my brain is sleepy

keefg

There's plenty of joviality to be had on this entire album.

"Give me another drink Mr. Bartender........if you don't I'm gonna stick yer d!ck in a blender"
"Coz I..........I'm gonna drink 'til I die!"

Dan Dare

bullpost wrote: »

What are the funniest lyrics you've heard?

Mine would be (they do sound much funnier than they read):

"Mention The Lord Of The Rings one more time
and I'll more than likely kill you.
Moorcock, Moorcock, Michael Moorcock you fervently moan.
......"

from Dickie Davies Eyes - Half Man, Half Biscuit.

Brilliant. But then again almost any song by Half Man Half Biscuit is hilarious.

Tchaikovsky

Yeah, HMHB have fantastic lyrics; really witty stuff!

davylee

Lyrics to the kinks "lola" are hilarious. should have a look.
Joe Jackson's "is she really going out with him is good too.

Look over there! (Where?)
Here comes Jeanie with her new boyfriend
They say that looks don't count for much
If so, there goes your proof.

YoungPayters

"Fu cking croissants!"

Grand New Bass Guitar - Jamie T
Always makes me laugh everytime I start that album

niallon

"I had a friend, his name was Frank
He walked on water but Lord he sank
We used to go stag, now he's got a hag
It looks like Frank has got a brand new bag"

Frank's Song by Tom Waits

Most John Prine lyrics are coated in some wonderfully witty themes, excluding his more serious stuff of course.

"Woke up this morning, put on my slippers
Walked in the kitchen and died
And oh what a feeling, when my soul went through the cieling
And onward into heaven I did ride"

Please Don't Bury Me by John Prine

And of course, Lawless by Christy Moore (can't remember the name of the composer at the moment)

"And the couple were blessed, with one of God's miracles
Before six months had elapsed
Dolly gave birth, to a nine pund black baby
And lawless was fit to collapse"

A Neurotic

Gunther - Ding Dong Song

Oooh, you touch my tra-la-la
Mmmm, my ding-ding-dong

It remains a mystery if the lyrics are tongue-in-cheek or not.

Mensch Maschine

"I like naked ladies,
I like making babies,
I wanna make with girls all around the world..........."

"..........I like looking at boobies,
I like porno movies,
I wanna make em with girls all around the world."

Ok silly lyrics but the whole situation is ****ed up.

Tom Green and Jurrasic 5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KFnInO9ffs

davylee

Flight of the concords
Business time
Yeahhhhhhhhh!!

rednik

Broken hearts are for assholes by Frank Zappa and many other of this genius's titles.

Mac Masters

It has to be Big Bottom's by Spinal Tap!

"My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo, I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo!"

rathgorma

She asked me for some collateral so i pulled down my pants....
Bob Dylan.

I could go out tonight but i have'nt got a stitch to wear.. This man says its gruesome that someone so handsome should care..
Morrissey.

Dante09

"its so easy" by Guns 'n Roses

"i see you standing there
you think you're so cool
why dont you just......
**** OFF!"

"you get nothing for nothing
if thats what you do
turn around bitch ive got a use
for you besides, you aint got nothing better to do
and IM BORED"

vincenzo1975

On the national express theres a jolly hostess
Selling crisps and tea
She'll provide you with drinks and theatrical winks
For a sky-high fee
Mini-skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle
Back in 63 (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
But its hard to get by when your arse is the size
Of a small country
And everybody sings ba ba ba da...

Devine comedy....National express

D'Agger

Flight of the Concords - Bowies in Space

"Do you smoke weed in space Bowie? Or do you smoke Astroturf?....I'll bet you do...you crazy old bastard you!!"

They're quality!!

CDfm

From Alice Coopers Go to Hell you have

You're something that never should have happened
You even make your Grandma sick
You'd poison a blind man's dog and steal his cane
You'd gift-wrap a leper
And mail him to your Aunt Jane
You'd even force-feed a diabetic a candy cane

Pure class and could have been written by Morrissey

I just got the Billion Dollar Babies reissue with bonus Live CD and some of the tracks like Dead Babies and I love the Dead were really out there for the late 60s early 70s and wouldnt be out of place in Marilyn Mansons back catalogue let alone what became a pop band with Schools Out - a teen anthem.

razorblunt

Long Island - "I'm on a boat"

"I f**cked a Mermaid"

dioltas

Bloodhound Gang - Nothing but mammals, or whatever it's called.

fobster

Careful with that Mic by Clutch

"What's the matter with you?
How come you rhyme monosyllabically?
Has atrophy stricken your entire vocabulary?
Your style's like a garbage can,
It's meant to be taken out on a weekly basis.
Ever since you first reckoned you been in a state of suspended animation."

Great few lines that.

Paparazzo

Goldie Lookin Chain. Almost all of their lyrics are brilliant.
I've been into fighting for most of my life,
And when I gets married I'll beat the wife

CDfm

I nearly forgot Loudain (dad of Rufus)Wainwrights I.W.I.W.A.L

I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight.
I'd sleep with women only. Man, it would be great.
I'd throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate.
I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight!
I wish I were a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke.
I'd sleep with k.d. lang. Mel Gibson, take a hike!

davylee

CDfm wrote: »

I nearly forgot Loudain (dad of Rufus)Wainwrights I.W.I.W.A.L

I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight.
I'd sleep with women only. Man, it would be great.
I'd throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate.
I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight!
I wish I were a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke.
I'd sleep with k.d. lang. Mel Gibson, take a hike!

Brilliant:p

Insect Overlord

dioltas wrote: »

Bloodhound Gang - Nothing but mammals, or whatever it's called.

It's called "The Bad Touch" :rolleyes: