Why those this keep happening?

LegacyUser

Just looking for some advice or suggestions on a situation that is a constant pattern throughout my life.
I always seem to meet guys that treat me with little or no respect. This is really wearing me down and is constantly eating away at my self esteem and trust in meeting new guys. I have been in a very abusive relationship in the past, which took many years to recover from. However, I never seem to meet a guy who is decent. Even if they come across as nice from the start they soon start being horrible to me with a few weeks.
Many people have described me as a kind, sweet, considerate, respectful. Even with these qualities, I dont understand though, why I always attract this type of guy. As this keeps happening to me Iam starting to thing something is very wrong with me (another small part says that its not me).
Friends tell me Iam "too nice", however it is hard to change a part of you when its not in your nature to be unkind or bitchy to people.
This weekend I spent it with a guy who turned out to be a very selfish and inconsiderate person, and i ve told him that I do not want to see him again. I think this guy was the last straw for me, as Ive been feeling very hurt that Ive ended up in this negative situation again.
No matter how much I try, it just keeps happening. What is wrong with me ?

yermandan

There is nothing wrong with you.

Your confidence and self-esteem seem to be shot at the moment and it seems as if you are stuck in a circle of CHOOSING the wrong people. IMO it is all about selection here. Do you know what you want in a partner?? How long do you usually spend getting to know a guy before you consider a romance with him??

Do you love yourself?? Do you do things that make YOU happy and give yourself the attention thats required to grow as an individual. There's a saying that I love and its this;

' in order to attract the right person for you, you need to be the person that you want to attract first, then the right ones will come into your life'

So no there is nothing wrong with you hun you just need to work on building yourself up and then you will attract the right people, I promise.

Be kind to yourself x

ellie1

If you do one thing, i recommend this book "Women who love too much". its by Robin Norwood. Its fantastic and I think you may find it particularly helpful. You may be attracted to a particular type of man in the hope of changing them or helping them or fixing them.. You are not at fault for being a nice person but do you put up with a lot of ****?
Give yourself a break from men for a while and figure out what you want in a man. Put yourself first for a while. Dont give yourself too hard of a time, many women are guilty of going out with a few creeps, losers, wasters etc but you will find someone special when you figure why you go for these type of men. Often we continue making the same mistake over and over because we are unable to see where we are going wrong. Read the book as I cannot even explain how differently you will see things when you read it. A few friends have also read it and think its fantastic too.

cantdecide

Don't beat yourself up. I think you're problem is that you may be too nice to see the bad that is in all people to varying degrees. You don't have to become critical, bitchy or judgmental person but turn up your Judge-o-stat a little for your own mental health

It could still just be simple good old fashioned bad luck. Don't tar all of us guys with the same brush and don't be afraid to wait for the right guy.

LegacyUser

thanks to those who have replied so far,
I have had one relationship with a guy who did treat me with some genuine respect, but that ended very unexpectedly and I was gutted for a very long time afterwards. Since then (2 years ago) I ve been single, bar dating this guy who started of being very nice but turning into a not so good person. Most guys I tend to meet that I find some attraction to usually end up as unavailable, dont contact me after the initial meet up, or just place me into the freindzone.
I know what I would like in a guy, but somehow guys that possess those qualities never appear to be interested in me. Which leads me to think that something is wrong with me as a person.

cantdecide

Unregistered wrote: »

Which leads me to think that something is wrong with me as a person

Don't think that. I bet there are tons of guys out there waiting for you just to go and find them. Life can be tough for the more sincere and thoughtful. You sound perfectly lovely but you're at a low ebb so don't indulge any of these funny ideas...

LegacyUser

Ellie thanks for recommending that book. I ve read some parts of it, I didnt feel that I could relate with much of the book, but I did find some useful information which I hope to work with!
I do know what I want in a man, but I just find that guy hard to meet. Generally if i do meet a guy that I would be interested in, he never appears to be interested in me, is unavailable, or I just get placed in freindzone.