I'm really falling apart and want her back so bad

LegacyUser

Hi there, i really need some help and advice....

I had been going out with my gf for just over 8 years until three days ago. She told me that she loves me very much but she doesnt think she is in love with me anymore and its not fair to me to continue on going the way we are. She did mention this to me about 5 months ago and I asked her to wait and give us a try. i explained to her that I had gone through the same confusions previously during our relationship, but I didnt want to end it unitl I was sure. And I felt so relieved one day wen I woke up and it was like it slapped me in the face that I was well and truly in love with this girl and I could see us having a long and very happy futher together.
When she said this to me three days ago, I told that I think she is confused and kind of afraid of growing up and doesnt want to leave her youth behind her. I told her that obviously I have to accept the break up, but would she consider a kind of official break up but just a break at the same time, if that makes sense to you. I told her that I will give her all the space she needs to sort her head out, cos she has been reluctant for quite a while to finish things cos she is afraid that after ending things that I would eventually move on and maybe find someone else and then she mite relaise that she actually is still madly in love with me.
This is killing me and I really need help and advice, cos I cant lose the girl I love more than my own life. I know some of you may say that its only been three days and time will heal the pain and I will eventually move on. But I know for sure that I dont want to move on I just love this girl so much and these past few days have been the worst in my life. I havent ate in three days, I cant sleep properly and I feel I am hurting my health.
I need advice cos I have read quite alot of messages of forum boards lately and people advise to give her her space and maybe eventually time will tell, i.e. absence makes the heart grow founder. But then on the other side of the coin wot if I do cut of completely all contact with her for some time and she just moves on cos she thinks that I have. Im in such a mess, i'm thinking stupid things in my head and I really need help, I just cant let the love of my life go without fighting.

LegacyUser

Hi op, sorry to hear what you are going through I went through the same thing about 3 years ago. My ex dumped me because she wasn't sure if she loved me anymore and needed space as we had been together 7 years (from the age of 16). She felt she lost her youth and was too young to be in such a longterm relationship, unfortunatley she never came back to me and it turned out that she met someone else who she started going out with. It's really hard at the moment for you I'm sure but the only thing to do is give her the space she needs & wants, I know it's a cliche but if it's meant to be it will be and if not at least you have had 8 happy years. I can't stress enough to not contact her otherwise you may be pushing her further away and making yourself look desperate.

Best of luck mate.

ellie1

So sorry to hear what you are going through. I dont know if can win her back or fight for her. I would advice you to put yourself first, fight for yourself even for a couple of weeks. You go away and do something you enjoy. Spend time with friends and family. I know its so painful and its made worse by lack of sleep, worry, not eating. Lack of energy and sleep will not help you to put things into perspective at all. While I admire your desire to fight for her, if she wants you she knows where you are, she knows how much you care about her.
Hope it all works out for you.

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

I can't stress enough to not contact her otherwise you may be pushing her further away and making yourself look desperate.

+1000. Back off, give her space. Accept that what you had is over. It may come back, but for the moment its over. Try to start moving on. Re start your life. This will be hard, but you're going to have to sooner or later and better you start sooner. If its any help, you can be sure that you moving forward with your life will increase the chances you have of getting her back. Which would you be attracted to more? The guy who is moving forward in his life and acting like he did when you first met and fell for him, or the guy sitting in the dark moping? Because that's how she'll feel. My 2 cents anyway.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

. It may come back, but for the moment its over. Try to start moving on. Re start your life.

+1. Couldn't agree more. Do NOT contact her. What if she doesn't reply? How sh1t will you feel? You need to start moving on and preparing yourself for life without her.

Snowie

Hey Op hope things go better and sorry for hearing about your troubles....

Take a pen and a peace of peaper and wright out everything how you feel the uncertanitys, etc and really just let it come out you may cry you may not cry its not a easy thing to do but it will help...

Don't contact her, at all there's no point, respect her space its only fare.

Its oke to feel how ever way you feel thats good it shows after all it shows your human which is a good thing...

LegacyUser

Hey Op here,

Thanks for the messages of support. A few more days have past now, and although I'm still really down and I know I'm still in love with my ex I know I have to try and move on. Ive decided that i need to stop mooping around the place, friends have been really supportive and are always ringing me lately to plan things together which is nice and really helps. I also decidied to make small changes in my life, like im just after trying to give up the cigeratess, get way more active and fit and im looking forward to seeing and feeling the benefits from both of these things. I'm going to try and look after myself again, the same way I did when I first attracted my ex gf. And I know I would be navie to think that just changing a few things about my daily life is going to get her coming running back to me, I know I just doesnt work like that. But at the same time if I can pick myself up and look and feel better who knows. I still havent been in contact with her and I'm not going to make contact for another few weeks at least, i'm just going to try and get on with my life and think postive and hey who knows maybe when we do make contact again what will happen.

But then there is just the one thought in my head, if I have this plan to get back on track and stick to it, what happens if one day soon she makes contact with me? Do I ignore her calls and texts and only take them when the time is right or do I take them in the chance that she is making contact to rekindle? because obviously that is what i want most of all.