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How Do You Let Go ?

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  • 18-03-2009 9:45am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    going unregistered for this one, would really appreciate some advice. I broke up with a girl in January after 9 months, amicably enough, and I know why it ended etc etc - still hurt and still hurts but I can accept why it ended. We agreed to stay in touch and be friends, which I was genuinely pleased about, I wanted this, and it seemed healthy and mature etc.

    Now though, a few months have passed, and I am still getting emotional and upset when I think about the past, and when we meet its quite hard for me, I get choked up, and get upset. I dont want to get back with her, as I can understand the reasons it didnt work out, but I feel sad and lonely when I think about her, and I have begun to resent her a little bit for the way she can move on so easily and get on with things, and "be friends" - Apart from everything else, and the travails of being single, I fear that ill lose a friend as well. But can ex's be friends ? And should I be waiting for a while before I start dating again ? Would really appreciate some advice...thanks guys


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    #2
    who007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 711 ✭✭✭who007


    Had the "can we be friends" speech only recently and my answer was and is "no!". I thought far too much of her to be able to be 'mature' enough to do that. i know I would be cut up with jealousy when she met someone else and I don't think it would be long before she did cos she is a very sexual person and very very attractive. So I spared myself the pain and just said no. I think you should just do the same and that way whenever you think of her, for the rest of your life, it will be in a positive way that will reinforce good feelings. Better that than with bitterness - which I think will happen if you keep up the friends thing.


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    #3
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,108 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Agree with who007. If you've had a long term relationship(and 9 months would count IMHO) and the love word was bandied about and futures together were considered, then friends is simply a downgrade. Don't get me wrong, some can do it. I can't. More to the point I wouldn't. Not unless there were no residual feelings.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I want to be friends with her..maybe in time it could work on some level, even slight contact when I feel a bit stronger...its the letting go that I cant seem to do..


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    #5
    starchild
    Closed Accounts Posts: 211 ✭✭starchild


    I think the problem lies in that you can accept why it ended but as of yet you havent accepted that it has ended.

    While you are still feeling like this being friends will not help. Perhaps you should consider a couple months with no contact

    try not to be bitter when you see her moving on, she will have had her bad moments in private too


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sounds very similar to my situation - except I'm the girl. He broke up with me 6 weeks ago after we were togerther for 1 year. The question I have for you is ... Is it possible that you still love her? Like why do you get so upset and emotional over her? I get the impression you might have initiated the break up? Maybe I'm wrong....

    I was at a party on sat night, my ex was there - he confessed that he wasn't happy about me being there because he can't handle seeing me and he has mentioned that a few times since we broke up about other stuff - a song or something that he can't listen to. I don't get this mentality AT ALL!! I mean I am the one who was rejected and broken hearted but I could handle us being at the same party.

    If it is the case that you finished with her then why do you have all these feelings? I asked my ex the very same question and he said the same thing you did - he has his reasons for why he wanted to end it and he also doesnt want back but he can't handle seeing me and being in contact with me. He also said he thought that maybe he did love me after all. Thats why I'm posting - these emotions you are feeling don't come when you are feeling them towards someone you don't want to be with. Have a think to yourself - before it's too late.

    From the girls prospective - you either want her and go get her or you get over it and leave her alone! I'm sorry if I seem rude. :)


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