How do you get over somone years and years later

LegacyUser

Hi everybody ,
I guess my post is what its says on the tin, we got together for about a year when were 17 and were now 28!!!!!!
She broke it off at the time, since then Id say Ive been through every emotion I could possibly be through. It started off with your typical teenage being dumped obsession (hating her because she'd kiss someone to loving her etc) but over years it changed from ups to downs.

She went out with other people as did I over the next few years, sometimes between relationships we'd end up kissing or whatever, telling each other how mad we've all been about each other.
But then other times Id hear about her getting with other people I know.

Ive never been really as good with women as she has men, so sometimes I wonder am I just hanging on to some sort of nostalgia, as she was the only person I really felt that way about.
There has been times over the last few years I thought I was COMPLETELY over her, genuinely not caring about her being with someone , and even encouraging someone to ask her out etc. It always varies. There was a time about 3 or 4 years , when we were both very drunk, and we had a long chat,she told me she had always wanted to marry me and how she always imagined her name changed with my second name, and she had tried to get with me properly previously.

We always had the same group of friends, and were always close, but shes now living in a different county, something Im happy with I think. Now that Im older its a strange sort of 'mature' love if you get me, i.e. Im happy for her as she is going out with someone at the mo. I dont find myself bending over backwards trying to impress her either. I dont think I ever want to get with her despite my feelings, because even though Im crazy about her , the thought of being with her brings up loads of other sad emotions and insecurities (jealousy, wondering if it will end with us if we do get together etc) as well. The internet doesnt help now with bebo and facebook constantly putting people in your face.

Ive always wondered how she felt at the moment as well, I know Im very significant in her life, but love? I dont know. I dont think its worth asking her. Id prefer just be over her. I would say I have her pretty much convinced I have no feelings for her at this stage. All my friends for the last few years are convinced I have no interest in her anymore even though they all used know how mad I was about her. They even see me having a laugh with her new boyfriend.
I know all this sounds a bit obsessive , but please dont take it that way,Im just a normal bloke wondering how I get over someone I dont even talk to or think about as much anymore.

The only reason it all came flooding back recently was because a few of us went on holidays a couple of weeks ago so I spent alot of time with her, and I realised my feelings for her will never be just numb harmless feelings like they would be for any other female friend.

Anyway it helps writing it all down, Im just wondering has anyone else experienced anything similar.

who007

I don't think you feel obsessive at all.. I have never been in your situation but from how you describe it I think I understand how you are feeling.. but I don't have a clue how to go about resolving it. Would you still see yourself getting married etc in your mind's eye? I think once yuo figure out the answer to something serious like that, the rest will follow..

LegacyUser

I can relate to you in that I went out with a girl for two years and then we broke up. We even lived together for 4 wonderful months, but she went away with work for a few months and we just split when she came back (my fault). We tried to be friends but I couldnt handle the new boyfriend when he eventually came.

I was 25 then and I'm 35 now, married and have a kid. I still think of her at least once a month (I havent seen her in 8 yrs). I love my wife, but I think that when you love someone there will always be a piece of you that gets left behind with the broken relationship.

I would suggest ending ties with her. It not healthy as you dont fully move on. Then you are left with what will always be a nice (little bit sad) memory.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, 10 years , married and a kid and you still think about her really says something, I guess people never leave your mind. I actually have made attempts to cut all ties with her, most of them successful, despite knowing each other longer than most of our mutual friends do , she keeps in contact via phone with all of them except for myself.

Im also cutting down on the facebook and bebo (although I think Im just growing out of that to be honest). I headed off travelling for a year and half, thinking that would be my final exit from my life, but I wasnt back 2 months and it was like nothing changed.

But just when I think Ive lost interest or forgotten about her I end up going on a session or whatever with her after a few months, and all the feelings come back.

I just hope if I do meet someone else Ill feel the same way, otherwise Ill be spending the rest of life like this!!!