About to be dumped

LegacyUser

Heres the story, have been going out with my girlfriend for the last 9 months and these 9 months have been without doubt the best of my life. Besides the bit of an age difference that was the only minor problem at the start but i got over that quickly and within two months we had fallen in love...fairly quick i know but everything just felt right.

Ok fast forward to the present, we were out last night and basically she wasn't happy with me in the night club, i was tryin to talk to her but she wasn't having any of it but after a while we got talking but that didnt last long and she was again ignoring me and all that, she does this a lot when she,s out...now i kinda at the time just got fed up and started shouting at her, saying things i shouldn't. All of this i regret but thats not the worst, she says that i scared her! I hadn't intentionally but now she's putting the relationship under review and tbh its not looking good, i cant see myself being her boyfriend this time even tomorrow!!!

I shouldnt have lost it like i did and im very sorry about it, think it was months of just holding stuff in, i dont like fighting so instead of saying anything thats bothering me i just hold it inside!!
I love this girl and its going to kill me when (and this is how its looking) break up, what will i do??
How can i even maybe in the unlikely event try and keep this relationship alive??
We got on so well, i honestly cant see myself finding another girl like her...ah iv messed up so bad!!!

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

I shouldnt have lost it like i did and im very sorry about it, think it was months of just holding stuff in, i dont like fighting so instead of saying anything thats bothering me i just hold it inside!!
I love this girl and its going to kill me when (and this is how its looking) break up, what will i do??
How can i even maybe in the unlikely event try and keep this relationship alive??
We got on so well, i honestly cant see myself finding another girl like her...ah iv messed up so bad!!!

It can't have been all that great if you were holding stuff in?

Had she tried to talk to you about problems in the past?

Have you tried to meet up with her to talk about it?

I'm afraid once you start yelling at someone in a nightclub, it will scare them, and make them think twice

Salome

Why were you holding things in anyway? Part of being in a mature relationship is being able to talk to each other when things are bothering you. Of course the girl is going to get a fright when you explode at her. Was there drink taken at the time? This could have just made things worse.

You need to grovel and then you need to talk things through. Explain where you're coming from and if you both think the relationship is worth a damn, try harder to communicate next time.

LegacyUser

Silverfish wrote: »

It can't have been all that great if you were holding stuff in?

Had she tried to talk to you about problems in the past?

Have you tried to meet up with her to talk about it?

I'm afraid once you start yelling at someone in a nightclub, it will scare them, and make them think twice

Yea she has talked to me in the past about problems that iv had, i could never fault her on that, most of the time she just knows if somethings up but if she doesnt then i just keep it it especially if i feel it will lead to confrontation its not her fault.

Yea we'r texting at the minute since morning really and she doesn't know what to do but of i had to put my money on it i think its over...ah im seriously depressed cant believe iv ruinedd such a good thing!

LegacyUser

Was it all shouting or was there anthing physical?
You should try and prove yourself. But mabye you just went to far, you don't want a good thing be remebered badly if things got worse.

who007

Why does she ignore you a lot when yo uare in a club? That doesn't sound good!

I would leave her alone a few days and let her start wondering if she was hasty about her decision and to let her miss you and see what happens tbh..

LegacyUser

who007 wrote: »

Why does she ignore you a lot when yo uare in a club? That doesn't sound good!

I would leave her alone a few days and let her start wondering if she was hasty about her decision and to let her miss you and see what happens tbh..

Well last night it was because she wanted to leave the club and go outside for a fumble would be the best way to put it, i didn't want to...just id prefer to be in a warm bed when than outside doing that sorta thing!
Anyway she wasnt impressed and thats why she wouldn't talk to me last night....still went about it the wrong way, ah why did i lose the head.....this girl means everything to me....she's on about going on a break but i dont know always viewed breaks as a way to kinda ease the break up thats coming.....with her last boyfriend she went on a break when she really wanted to finish with him!
Its not looking good

sardineta

I fear you're right in your assessment. Perhaps you should pre-empt and tell her you don't think it's working out - you'll learn a lot from her response.

Wibbs

Silverfish wrote: »

It can't have been all that great if you were holding stuff in?

Had she tried to talk to you about problems in the past?

Have you tried to meet up with her to talk about it?

I'm afraid once you start yelling at someone in a nightclub, it will scare them, and make them think twice

+1. How do you move forward is the thing. Ok first apologise which I assume you have already. Apologise and agree with her that she was right and that your actions last night were OTT. Don't overdo it though. There are always two sides. She has hers, you have yours.

Look back and see what the actual issues she may have with you. What have her arguments been about? Don't talk too much about your side of the issues, it's not the right time, just listen to hers. Don't play the blame game or defo not the guilt trip. Both will backfire. If you think she may have a point, I wouldn't advise telling her you'll change. Too many do this and too many hearing this, feel its BS that'll be forgotten in a week. If you do get back on, show her you've changed. Again only if this is change you need to make for you.

If she keeps asking for a break, I would say agree with her. Agree to a break. Agree that she's right that maybe you both need space. Tell her that you would like this relationship to grow and you do see a future on your side, but if she doesn't, you understand. If she agrees to this break, then give it to her. Give her all the space you can. Let her make the move back.

The way I see it, a break is usually a preamble to a breakup, but more often than not the person getting dumped makes sure it becomes one. Needy behaviour, emotional panic, talk of them "changing" and talk like, "but, but I love you" or trying to pull a guilt trip etc all make up the other persons mind if they're 50/50 on the idea.

Lets say she has already made up her mind and wants to leave. OK well agreeing to a break, just means you have started a lot earlier on the road to recovery. If she's not sure, or is even trying a bit of emotional bluffing or simply trying to make a point, this is much more likely to make her ease up on that.

My 2 cents anyway.

LegacyUser

How are you doing OP?