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No balls

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  • 16-03-2009 11:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    hi
    ive been with my girl for the past 10 years and have a 7 year old daughter.
    over the course of our relationship i got depressed and she really helped me get thru it.
    then she went off with sombody else behind my back.my brother found out about it and got her to admit it to me.i was in shock as a deed like this had never even crossed my mind.
    i was very naive i think.
    anyway time went by and we got things rolling again.i dont think tho my trust was the same after that and i couldnt love her the way i wanted to.
    anyway only this time last year she wanted to go on a relationship break for a month.
    i said ok and being naive i didint relaise she was going off with sombody else .i had to find out for myself as she began acting strange.
    i still found myself being back up at her house as i have my daughter there nearly everyday even tho i was trying to stay away from the house because i was trying to pull away from the relationship.it was hard and painful.
    there was name calling and all that and all was happenig was people getting hurt.
    eventuallty the relationship with the other fella didnt work.
    so i was back on the scene again. we agreed to get back together and try again.

    so i moved back in and the going got tough.every time her phone rang id jump wondering is she txtin sombody else,basically my trust in her was gone.
    this has been like this for the past year.its all wrong.i went to a counseelor to try help my situation and it helped a bit.but it keeps comin back to haunt me.
    it s so bad now that i dont leave the house in the evenings because i think if im there il kno if she is up to no good again.
    ive tried to get past that by forcing myself out in the evening but i find myself on edge and not enjoying my friends,because im busy thinkin whats she up to.

    its making me go mad in the head and i know it has to stop,it aint healthy.i dont know how i got myself here and i want oout.
    thing is tho from my counsellor she said dont act on things that u dont know to be true.

    in a nutshell i dont know if i want to be here anymore .
    i dont feel anything its like im numb from all the pain and its demolising my soul.

    i cant see myself walking out of the relationship
    i dont kno if i need to grow bigger balls or stop being "paranoid"
    i dont want to turn my back on my daughter either.

    this is only a fraction of how i feel,but id appreciate some help please.
    thanks


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    #2
    EPM
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,822 ✭✭✭✭EPM


    Pick yourself up and get out of there for your own sanity. She obviously sees you as an easy way out and there more than likely will be more other guys over time. It may also be worthwhile quietly speaking to a solicitor about visitation rights to your child


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    how do ya mean easy way out


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    userno1 wrote: »
    its making me go mad in the head and i know it has to stop,it aint healthy.i dont know how i got myself here and i want oout.

    i think this really is the nub of it. you know what you should do, but maybe don't want to do it. if it was me i'd probably feel the same as you, but because i'm objective i can say this is a one way ticket out of there.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    she is out on the town tonight and i just txt her there now to see when shed be back
    she replied dont kno why?
    i answered coz im sittin here wonderin.
    she replied keep wonderin then.
    i txt bac ya dont talk to sombody like that.
    she replied dont know what ur ****tin about see u later.
    i rang her then and let on she hadent a clue what i was sayin.
    now her phone is turned off.

    thats really upset me reallly bad


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    #6
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    If the trust is gone (and you've a damn good reason for it to be, given that she cheated) then do yourself and your sanity a favour and give up on it......been there with the second-guessing due to odd behaviour and it was only when I realised that it wasn't normal that I copped myself on and gave someone an "ultimatum" of sorts.......took a few weeks more to realise just how damaging a situation I was in, with my self-confidence, trust and my usual outlook taking a battering.....

    Get out now, give yourself a month or two, and you'll look back and say "wtf was I thinking...."


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    its to hard because she can be nice also .
    makes me think love is blind
    is the nice part of her just to keep me here.


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    #8
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Unregistered wrote: »
    she is out on the town tonight and i just txt her there now to see when shed be back
    she replied dont kno why?
    i answered coz im sittin here wonderin.
    she replied keep wonderin then.
    i txt bac ya dont talk to sombody like that.
    she replied dont know what ur ****tin about see u later.
    i rang her then and let on she hadent a clue what i was sayin.
    now her phone is turned off.

    thats really upset me reallly bad

    OMG seriously? She sounds like a selfish b1tch who doesn't care about you or your feelings.

    Staying with someone so utterly horrible will not help your mental health. You have suffered from depression in the past and if you stay with this monster you're only going to suffer more. Get out while you still can.


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    OMG seriously? She sounds like a selfish b1tch who doesn't care about you or your feelings.

    Staying with someone so utterly horrible will not help your mental health. You have suffered from depression in the past and if you stay with this monster you're only going to suffer more. Get out while you still can.



    thats the problem i feel that i cant walk away.i feel stuck
    i told her la
    dt night i was leaving today,but im still here with my bags packed.
    she hasent told me to leave either.the parade is starting soon i want to go for my daughter.


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    #10
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    You need to sepearate in your head the roles of partner and father.
    You can be a father to your daughter and not be her partner.
    Atm you have them intwind in you head and can't see away to be one and not the other.
    You still want the dream of being a happy family and it looks like that is not now possible.

    You need to talk to the mother of your child and assertain that the realtionship is over
    and if she wants to try and make it work at all. If that is not possible then you need
    to look at mediation and figuring out what happens next.

    It could well be that there are no chances what so ever of restoring your realtionship
    with the mother of your life but you will still have the fact you have your daughter
    in common and will have to learn to be able to work together as co parents.
    But you will not be able to do that while you are grieving and clinging on to hope
    of getting back with the mother of your child.


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    #11
    who007
    Closed Accounts Posts: 711 ✭✭✭who007


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    You need to sepearate in your head the roles of partner and father.
    You can be a father to your daughter and not be her partner.
    Atm you have them intwind in you head and can't see away to be one and not the other.
    You still want the dream of being a happy family and it looks like that is not now possible.

    You need to talk to the mother of your child and assertain that the realtionship is over
    and if she wants to try and make it work at all. If that is not possible then you need
    to look at mediation and figuring out what happens next.

    It could well be that there are no chances what so ever of restoring your realtionship
    with the mother of your life but you will still have the fact you have your daughter
    in common and will have to learn to be able to work together as co parents.
    But you will not be able to do that while you are grieving and clinging on to hope
    of getting back with the mother of your child.


    +1 to that and would it be possible to move out on your own and go see your daughter regularly? Be less available to her mum and statr making new friends and dating other people. You don't have to go for a full on relationship with somone else but going for dinner and movies with nice women might have the knock on effect of making you realise that yes, in fact you can get along very well without your current "partner".


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    #12
    Salome
    Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Salome


    Once the trust is gone, it's very hard to get it back. Do you seriously think you can live like this, with this woman, forever? I don't - it will eat you up inside and it definitely won't be good for your head.

    I think she is using you as her "fall-back" - when relationships with other men don't work out, she comes back to you because she knows you're there. Please do yourself a favour, end it with her and don't take her back.

    She has zero respect for you otherwise she wouldn't treat you the way she does. She is hurting you, don't let her keep doing it.


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    #13
    cnocbui
    Registered Users Posts: 19,915 ✭✭✭✭cnocbui


    Move on. Perhaps ask a solicitor as to the best way to go about this.


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    il try talk to her aboyt my chid as i dont want to go to a solicitor.
    i told her already i have t oleave and it didnt seem t bother her so maybe i can see now that she dosent care.


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    #15
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    il try talk to her aboyt my chid as i dont want to go to a solicitor.
    i told her already i have t oleave and it didnt seem t bother her so maybe i can see now that she dosent care.

    You MUST go to a solicitor. You're an unmarried father, for God's sake; you won't stand a chance in court alone.


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    #16
    Wagon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    I saw right through your post, you absolutely resent this women (with bloody good reason) but you are staying for your daughter. Very honerable and all that but it isn't right. Please get yourself some legal advice. It's crucial that you do. Then have access to your child and you can keep being a father. You sound like a better parent than her anyway. So get that solicitor now!


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    #17
    Gholimoli
    Registered Users Posts: 3,450 ✭✭✭Gholimoli


    Dude im certain you know what you have to do but you just will not do it.
    I don’t think any one here can help you.
    Every one is saying that you should leave and get out etc but sure you know all of this your self.

    You are saying that you stay at home because this way you think you have more of a chance to “know” what she is up to and if she is with some one else.
    But what are you going to do if you find out that she is?
    I mean what good is that notion going to do for you if you are not going to do anything about it?
    You have already found out not once but twice that she has been some one else, and what have you done about it?

    Don’t make up excuses about why you can’t leave. you can make all the excuses in the world and you may well be able to justify it to any one in the world but the one person who will always know that it’s an excuse is your self. you cant lie to your self and it’s that internal struggle that is driving you mad.
    You need to face reality and the reality is that your GF has sensed that she can getaway with anything and she will do so until you stop it.
    No one here can help you mate .
    I’m sorry if I’m being harsh but I think you need it.
    Yes leaving her may be hard and this and that but if you don’t it’s just going to be more of the same.
    You decide which option suits you more.


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    #18
    adzer86
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭adzer86


    OP - No balls??? She is the one with some set on her!! The bloody cheek of her imo. Has she no respect for the fact that there is a 3rd party being affected by her selfish actions i.e. your child. Taking her back the first time is acceptable and understandable but the second time is just taking the piss after she wanted a month break. You basically gave her permission to go do what she wanted for a month. Do yourself a favour, grow a spine and drop this girl quick sharp. Why havent any of your friends/family given you this advice yet? As it seems very obvious what you should have done long ago.


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