Can I trust her?

LegacyUser · 16-03-2009 8:34am #1

Hi all

I started seeing a girl a while back and we've been having our fair share of sex , but we've been using the pill alone as contraceptive, as I hate condoms and she has a mild latex allergy. The thing is that she has had a miscarriage with a previous bf and an abortion, which made me nervous. She assured me that she wouldn't let either happen again and that she is like a robot with her pill and never would have sex when she was sick or on antibiotics which are the times when the pill fail the most, but its still always at the back of my mind. I want to trust her but at the same time I couldn't handle her being pregnant and the super difficult choices we would have to make. I'd to know what other people think, thanks.

LegacyUser · 16-03-2009 9:28am

That's extremely risky in my opinion. The pill is by no means 100% safe and while it can claim 99.99% effectiveness I'd say your risks of pregnancy can be quite high. Take it from someone with experience, the pill WILL NOT GUARANTEE safety!!!!!! You really need a condom accompanied by the pill to be secure or else you'll need to consider another form of contraception or simply engage in oral more often than sex. I've been caught out by this sense of "sure the pill will be plenty and we'll be fine" I'm just lucky that we love each other in our situation and can handle the responsibilities that we've given ourselves through our risk taking. Be very careful of what you do together, a baby is no laughing matter.

Dragan · 16-03-2009 10:17am

If you can't handle the thoughts of dealing with a possible pregnancy then don't have sex.

quinnie123ie · 16-03-2009 10:21am

Why dont you discuss other options? perhaps you could take the pill i believe there is one available... or the coil... or you could do as the other person suggested, keep it in its cage!

Wibbs · 16-03-2009 10:22am

quinnie123ie wrote: »

perhaps you could take the pill i believe there is one available...

Eh nope. The male pill is some time away, if ever.

fleet · 16-03-2009 10:27am

Durex Avanti condoms are made of polyurethane.

Have you tried them?

LegacyUser · 16-03-2009 10:28am

Dragan wrote: »

If you can't handle the thoughts of dealing with a possible pregnancy then don't have sex.

Unfortunately we're not all sexless Boards moderators

Seriously though, I am of course aware there is a small risk of any properly-used contraceptive failing. I really like this girl and we get on really well, but given the fact she has had two accidental pregnancies before the age of 25 makes me nervous. I would like to have an active role in contraception in our relationship, both to take all of the burden off her and also to give me that added peace of mind, but we can't use condoms for the two (very good) reasons I stated before, and there are no alternatives to condoms for men *whatsoever* that dont involve abstinence or a permanent re-plumbing of my goolies. So, a dilemma.

Eric Cartman · 16-03-2009 10:40am

fleet wrote: »

Durex Avanti condoms are made of polyurethane.

Have you tried them?

im sorry, but those feel like rubbing your pork sword accross a truck tyre , very uncomfortable experience imho

i know some people really wont like to hear this op but atleast you know that if she did get pregnant you do have the abortion option that she is open to.

but id recommend a better form of contraception than just the pill alone

shellyboo · 16-03-2009 10:43am

UnsureBoy wrote: »

Hi all

I started seeing a girl a while back and we've been having our fair share of sex , but we've been using the pill alone as contraceptive, as I hate condoms and she has a mild latex allergy. The thing is that she has had a miscarriage with a previous bf and an abortion, which made me nervous. She assured me that she wouldn't let either happen again and that she is like a robot with her pill and never would have sex when she was sick or on antibiotics which are the times when the pill fail the most, but its still always at the back of my mind. I want to trust her but at the same time I couldn't handle her being pregnant and the super difficult choices we would have to make. I'd to know what other people think, thanks.

fleet wrote: »

Durex Avanti condoms are made of polyurethane.

This ^^^

Polyeurethane condoms are practically designed for people with latex allergies. They're also thinner, for your pleasure :P Do a search for non-latex condoms, you'll find they're widely available online.

If you're not comfortable with not using condoms, then don't sleep with her without one. If she questions it, it's not a case of not trusting her... tell her you just don't want to take the risk of her getting pregnant again after what she's already been through.

You say, though, that you hate condoms... which would imply to me that you don't want to wear them. Beyond wearing a condom, there's no other option but not sleep with her. If you do keep sleeping with her without a condom, you've little to be complaining about if she does get pregnant.

EDIT: "Two (very good) reasons"??? Sorry, I lolled. A latex allergy = a good reason not to use condoms. I don't like them, boohoo = not even a reason, never mind a good one. Nobody LIKES condoms. Except people with a latex fetish, mayhap.

Wibbs · 16-03-2009 10:50am

Try the avanti route. It may work for you. I'm like eric cartman, they were not a good option for me. Felt even less with them and that's saying something. I would defo not rely on the notion that if it happens again that she'll take the abortion option. You could practice withdrawal along with the pill. That will certainly decrease the odds.

LegacyUser · 16-03-2009 10:53am

I couldn't put her through that again. She was very traumatised by the first one, and she did it mostly because her a***ole ex-boyfriend ballyragged her into it. Not to mention the fact I'd be crippled with guilt and it would probably haunt I'm so frustrated by the fact that men have basically one contraceptive option

Eric Cartman wrote: »

im sorry, but those feel like rubbing your pork sword accross a truck tyre , very uncomfortable experience imho

i know some people really wont like to hear this op but atleast you know that if she did get pregnant you do have the abortion option that she is open to.

but id recommend a better form of contraception than just the pill alone

shellyboo · 16-03-2009 11:03am

UnsureBoy wrote: »

I couldn't put her through that again. She was very traumatised by the first one, and she did it mostly because her a***ole ex-boyfriend ballyragged her into it. Not to mention the fact I'd be crippled with guilt and it would probably haunt I'm so frustrated by the fact that men have basically one contraceptive option

I understand that... I'm frustrated at the moment too, having tried all but one of the forms of contraception there is available to women, and none of them suit me. Waiting to get the Mirena fitted at the mo, and if that doesn't suit me then I'm going to have to become a nun or something.

But the point is... there IS an option. You're just choosing not to use it.

Wibbs · 16-03-2009 11:09am

He has a few options really. trust her and the pill. Trust the pill and condoms. Trust the pill and withdrawal and for the truely paranoid, trust the pill and condoms and withdrawal. With that last method, if she does get pregnant, I'd be checking the wardrobe for the angel Gabriel.

shellyboo · 16-03-2009 11:14am

Wibbs wrote: »

He has a few options really. trust her and the pill. Trust the pill and condoms. Trust the pill and withdrawal and for the truely paranoid, trust the pill and condoms and withdrawal. With that last method, if she does get pregnant, I'd be checking the wardrobe for the angel Gabriel.

LOL

The pill and withdrawal is a decent enough option. Also, I SUPPOSE he could talk to his gf about also using a diaphragm. Though if I were here, I'd be a tad peeved that I was having to take all the precautions while he takes none.

Wibbs · 16-03-2009 11:21am

I think it also comes down to how and when contraception effects each gender differently. Hormonal contraception can be hard on a woman's body. Weight gain, emotional upheaval, risk of some diseases. All bad. For the most part though, female contraception options don't effect the sex act itself or the sensations nearly as much. Of course women can feel a condom(or femidom) is not as good as without, but many men feel damn near nothing wearing one. I would be one of them TBH. I've gone without intercourse more than once as it just didn't do it for me. So a lot of this comes down to the diffs between the genders on that score. Then again some men don't have this problem. I can think of one that eve prefers a condom, which to me is :eek:

lau1247 · 16-03-2009 11:26am

not sure if there is a non-latex version, but you can get these condom made by a japanese company.. their condom is called "0.03" which signify their thickness.. feels like wearing nothing at all..

though sometimes I would be afraid of them breaking :eek:

the two reason you give is not a reason as said by someone.. alternative for latex alergy is available.. not wearing it because you felt that you can't truly feel it is just plain stupid for what you're trying to achieve - not getting pregnant

shellyboo · 16-03-2009 11:26am

Wibbs wrote: »

I think it also comes down to how and when contraception effects each gender differently. Hormonal contraception can be hard on a woman's body. Weight gain, emotional upheaval, risk of some diseases. All bad. For the most part though, female contraception options don't effect the sex act itself or the sensations nearly as much. Of course women can feel a condom(or femidom) is not as good as without, but many men feel damn near nothing wearing one. I would be one of them TBH. I've gone without intercourse more than once as it just didn't do it for me. So a lot of this comes down to the diffs between the genders on that score. Then again some men don't have this problem. I can think of one that eve prefers a condom, which to me is :eek:

That's insane, and I don't even have a penis!

I totally get that for some men, wearing a condom is only slighty preferential to not having sex at all... but you can't say "Oh I don't trust the pill on its own" and then refuse to wear one. I'm a firm believer that the onus for not getting pregnant lies with the owner of the womb, but if HE is worried about his gf getting pregnant then HE should be taking precautions.

Wibbs · 16-03-2009 11:30am

Oh I agree, it was just as an explanation form the other side as to why some men can be bloody reluctant about condoms. Put it another way, how many women would continue to have sex if they felt next to nothing?

I agree that he should take responsibility and if he doesn't like condoms, then do other things or trust the pill and withdrawal.

Nevyn · 16-03-2009 11:45am

Polyurethane non latex condoms and additional lube tbh

There are many types of non latex out there, just be glad you as a guy don't
have a latex allergy.

http://www.safesense.com/condoms-non-latex.shtml

Non latex condoms transfer body heat where latex condoms do not and so have been said to be more intimate.

http://www.contraceptiononline.org/contrareport/article01.cfm?art=243

or there are more effective delivery methods for hormoanal contraception
such as the patch, the nuvring, the Implanon or the I.U.S..

And additional contraceptives such as the contraceptive sponge maybe an option.

Can I trust her?

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