Friends opinion

LegacyUser

Here it is....with a guy, absolutely amazing and could not be happier.

However, two of my friends have blocked themselves off from getting to know him in any way. They think that he has ulterior motives and is trying to take advantage of me (age gap)

Should I listen to them or follow my heart? I really like him and its the first relationship I have ever had where I felt things were right.

Considering that they are all single, could it be jealousy disguised in concern?

Has anyone else ever had this problem?

Please help because I am falling for this man and I need advice.

lau1247

i assume you're quite young as this is your first relationship and age gap

what i tend to find is real friends will always be on a look out for you..
sometimes you may be clouded within your situation which you may not see..
that's when friend's opinion may help..

they act as a guide, you make the decision!

LegacyUser

Just as friends can sometimes see things from the outside that we can't, so too can we often see things from the inside that friends can't.

It is very difficult to know whom to trust in this, even when knowing that your friends have your best interests at heart. They could be totally well-intentioned and still be wrong, perhaps due to overprotectiveness. Or they could be jealous yet there still may be some wisdom in their suspicion of the guy.

I wouldn't presume to tell you who to trust based on the information presented here. What is the exact nature of this age gap? Do your friends give examples of his behaviour that make them think he's out to exploit you? How long have you known him? What does the guy have to say for himself?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Here it is....with a guy, absolutely amazing and could not be happier.

However, two of my friends have blocked themselves off from getting to know him in any way. They think that he has ulterior motives and is trying to take advantage of me (age gap)

Should I listen to them or follow my heart? I really like him and its the first relationship I have ever had where I felt things were right.

Considering that they are all single, could it be jealousy disguised in concern?

Has anyone else ever had this problem?

Please help because I am falling for this man and I need advice.

Yes I can advise you. My boyfriend is 11 years younger than myself and very goodlooking wheras I am average albeit I do have a good figure.

At the beginning, my friends were pleased but didnt expect it to last. But one in particular has always been cold to him. I am a very street smart person myself and would never have kept my boyfriend on if he had given me any cause for concern.

I moved VERY slowly with him, as it turns out he is more than a good egg. I am not rich so he wasn't after any imaginary money, in fact HE helps me out financially. You should see the waitresses faces when HE pulls out his card at the end of meals. ha ha ha Anyway I digress

This one friend of mine of whom I have always been very supportive and unjudgemental really dissappointed me, she has always been cool with him. At the start she sent me a very discouraging email urging me to drop him.

Thankfully I relied on my own instincts and observations, as I say I am not fool. Even now almost two years later when my boyfriend has proved himself a sincere darling she still doesn't give him any credit. I know he hasn't made a secret pass at her or anything, I think its more just that people dont like what they cannot understand. Also this friend would have been used to being the centre of attention, when it came to my turn for a day in the sun ....well she didnt want to know eh....c'est la vie ...nothing you can do.

It is sad but there is nothing you can do, rely on your own instincts, search quietly for any supsicious ulterior motives a young and handsome man might have for seeking an older woman. Money, just sex etc

I was lucky in my case but maybe its not as uncommon as we imagine. There is DEFINITELY a case for concern disguised as jealousy and never from those you would expect either.

I would say BOTH listen to your friends AND go with your instincts, proceed with caution but proceed all the same. Do what YOU feel is right.

cantdecide

The age gap MIGHT be a problem. If you're 18 and he's 28 then I'd agree with your friends but if you were 21 and he was 31, I'd ease up a bit. A lot depends on your age, rather than the age gap itself...

LegacyUser

Sorry, I am the Unregged poster above, I realise I have jumped to the conclusion you are older and he is younger when it could be the other way around.

LegacyUser

Hey thanks everyone..(I am the one who asked for help)

I am 19 and he is 26. I never feel like there is any age gap with us and even by looking at us, you wouldnt think there to be much of a difference.

The friend who is being particularly awkward has been single for quite some time and has self esteem problems. She has basically built a character profile of him without even talking to him. In the last two months she hasn't spent any more than 20 minutes in his company and barely said anything to him then. Can she possibly have a valid opinion?

I am going to trust my instincts simply due to the fact that none of my friends have ever had any decent relationships. Am I being a bitch for disregarding them? I do listen to what they have to say but they can't seem to back any of their thoughts up as they haven't given him the time of day.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey thanks everyone..(I am the one who asked for help)

I am 19 and he is 26. I never feel like there is any age gap with us and even by looking at us, you wouldnt think there to be much of a difference.

The friend who is being particularly awkward has been single for quite some time and has self esteem problems. She has basically built a character profile of him without even talking to him. In the last two months she hasn't spent any more than 20 minutes in his company and barely said anything to him then. Can she possibly have a valid opinion?

I am going to trust my instincts simply due to the fact that none of my friends have ever had any decent relationships. Am I being a bitch for disregarding them? I do listen to what they have to say but they can't seem to back any of their thoughts up as they haven't given him the time of day.

I'm in a relationship with an age gap also, I'm 18 and he is 24.
The guy I'm with is lovely, I'm more comfortable with him than I have been with any guy in the past and my closest friends can see that and so they have no problem whatsoever.
However, when friends or girls who I'm not as close to ask how old he is I have got that reaction your friends are giving you and I've always felt they're just being closeminded.
Your age difference isnt one that needs to be worried about in the least in my opinion and at the end of the day if you're happy with him thats all that matters.
I would just tell your friends youre grateful for the fact theyre looking out for you (whether you feel they really are or not) but just explain you really like this guy and if it fails and theyre right, theyre right. But until then youre not gonna throw the relationship away on a 'maybe'.

Good luck!