Sick of being single

What_To_Do

I'm a 31 year old female, have been told I'm attractive, could probably do with losing half a stone but I dress well. I'm successful, have my own house, I'm friendly and compassionate. But I've been single for coming up to 2 years now. The first year of that was by choice, I needed that year to get over my previous relationship.

My problem is I never seem to meet men, or certainly not men that I could envisage having a relationship with. I'm self employed and my work means I don't really meet many people. My hours aren't 9-5, I have extra work that I do Monday - Thursday evenings which rules out me signing up to an evening class.

Nearly all my friends are now married with kids so when I do go out to pubs, restaurants etc. it's not exactly an opportunity to meet other people.

I signed up to a couple of dating websites and had lots of contact requests. Spoke to a good few of these people for a while and met up with a few but there was nothing there, I just wasn't attracted to them.

It's really starting to get me down now. And pathetic as it sounds, I'm really starting to question what the hell is wrong with me. I'd love to settle down one day in the future, get married and have children. But I'm watching the years go by and beginning to think that it will never happen.

I don't even know what advice I'm looking for. All I know is that it's really starting to get me down now.

impr0v

Internet dating is like trying to pick a nice perfume out of a sales catalogue. Plenty of people have had success with it but, like all things, you need an element of luck to do so.

Have you seen guys out and about that you are attracted to? In the pub or even in a business context? Have you approached them?

What_To_Do

I think the main problem is that I rarely get to meet guys. I don't meet any through my work, when it comes to going out, because so many of my friends are already coupled up, a night out will usually involve meeting up for dinner in a restaurant and then heading to one of the same old pubs. Because the group of friends that I socialise with are scattered around various different parts we meet kind of half way between everyone which leaves us with a choice of about 3 pubs to go to.

I've always been pretty happy as a singleton. But it's just recently where it's started to really bug me. I hate being the odd number at the restaurant table, or the thoughts of another wedding invite with a token + guest tagged on the end of it.

I'm open to ideas to meet men, but because of my workload I'm limited in the time that I can do it. That's why internet dating appealed to me I suppose. I could reply to emails etc. in my own time. But I've become quite disillusioned by the differences between potential dates online personas and the "real life" them!

I've just read back on this post and I sound so negative, and that's really not me. People would describe me as one of the most positive, optimistic they know. I hate that this is getting to me.

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP.You have mentioned a couple of times that you work alot of hours.Is this absolutely neccessary to your job?Is there anyway you can decrease your workload to give you more you time?I know how hard it is to meet people.I tried online dating for a while and was very non-plussed with it.
Surely you have some single girl or guy friends that are in a similar prediciment that you can go socialising with?You seem to be stuck in a rut of the same restaurants/bars etc.As you obviously know already,following the same pattern makes it incredibly difficult to meet new people.Try and get some more free time and think about joining a social group to do with something you are interested in.Could be film/sports/dancing etc.Keep the chin up anyway,at 31 you are hardly past your sell by date you know!:)

What_To_Do

Thanks for your reply. It's not so much that I work very long hours, it's just that they're irregular, so I might start later in the morning, but have to work late in the evening. This makes it difficult to try to join any groups as typically they tend to be on a certain evening each week. I need to do these hours unfortunately - mortgage and bills have to be paid

I'm off to google to see if there's anything on at weekends that I could sign up to. I have plenty of interests, it surely can't be that difficult, can it?

Otis Driftwood

Ah,I see.There is alot to be said for the 9 to 5!Personally I dont think its that difficult but I do know where you are coming from in terms of it been frustrating.Its preying on your mind alot so when each week goes by you get more frustrated and think about it more.Its just a matter of plugging away and being positive plus being able to recognise potential partners when you do come across them!Best of luck to you.:)

clones1980

Hey dere, just copied this from another forum. Im heading to it and seems to be great interest. Why dont you come along as well if your in Dublin. Great way to meet new people.

Offishul 'Recession-Me-Hole" €5 Cocktail Night - 27th March, Capital Lounge 5:30pm
Ladies and Gents!

In these dull and dreary times of doom and gloom we thought it only right that we do our bit in boosting the economy the best way we know how......drinking!!

The colourful contents of the cocktail menu should bring some light into these dark days

So the proposal is...

Date: March 27th 2009
Venue: Capitol Lounge, George's Street (to start off anyway...)
Time: 5:30pm onwards



And in case anyone isn't sure...the boys are very welcome to attend!!

cantdecide

You sound lovely. Attractive, ambitious, charming. I'm sure there are guys out there dying to meet you. Think about those poor guys being deprived of you:D Do it for them!!

Maybe you haven't told your friends that you're lonely. They might just assume that because you're a bit of a catch that you don't need any help??

Online dating seems to either work well or not at all depending on what kind of person you are. I fell into the latter category. I suppose I don't have an instant likeability and I'm not known as a handsome dude so trying to come across as a 3 dimensional person is very difficult. Give some other guys a chance, it can't hurt.

At the end of the day, you only need to meet one good guy. It's a numbers game. Get out there in whatever way will work for you. Don't let it stress you, you could meet the man of your dreams in a queue at the bank.

Miss Fluff

Seems that the happiest couples I know met through friends and friends of friends. Do your best girlfriends know you would like to meet someone?

Try and avoid going out with a gang of couples, it can be terribly dull. Try and go out with a few friends at a time and if one of them has work drinks on a Friday for example arrange to meet them there and get to meet new people that way. Also don't limit yourself to the same 3 pubs.

It's all about expanding your social circle. You sounds like a catch m'dear but Prince Chaming isn't going to land on your lap either, you need to accept invitations, meet as many people as possible and cut down on your working hours!

What_To_Do

Thanks for all your nice replies.

Just to answer a few questions - my friends don't know how much this is getting to me, but they do know that I've tried the online dating thing, so they're aware I'm looking so to speak. I suppose pride is getting in the way of me telling them how much it is getting me down. They're so used to me being the upbeat and positive one, and I hate the idea of them feeling sorry for me just because I'm single - I hate the fact that I feel sorry for myself!

I would know or have met most of their male friends at their weddings and what not and there's nobody I was really interested in. God, I sound like such a choosy cow and I'm actually not lol. I'm not one of these people who is looking for Brad Pitt or someone like that, but there has to be some sort of attraction there. I really don't think I have unrealistic expectations (you only need to look at some of my exes to see that haha).

I am making an effort to get out more. Was out a couple of times over the weekend and heading out again tonight. Suggested going somewhere new tonight but was shot down with a list of excuses from various people, so I'm just going to go along with it for tonight but when I'm out make more of an effort to socialise beyond our group, and maybe even try to arrange for a night out somewhere else with a few of the girls that are out tonight.

Lock up your sons Dublin, I'm on a mission

Miss Fluff

What_To_Do wrote: »

I would know or have met most of their male friends at their weddings and what not and there's nobody I was really interested in. God, I sound like such a choosy cow and I'm actually not lol. I'm not one of these people who is looking for Brad Pitt or someone like that, but there has to be some sort of attraction there.

I know but that's not my point either. By meeting friends of friends and becoming friends you then in turn get to meet their friends if that makes sense?!:) What I'm saying is, don't disregard a friendship with a guy just because he is not what you are looking for in a partner. If you get on well with them and enjoy their company, they in turn will introduce you to more men. Do you get me?

couerdelion

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I know but that's not my point either. By meeting friends of friends and becoming friends you then in turn get to meet their friends if that makes sense?!:) What I'm saying is, don't disregard a friendship with a guy just because he is not what you are looking for in a partner. If you get on well with them and enjoy their company, they in turn will introduce you to more men. Do you get me?

That's exactly what I was going to say! great minds and all that...

I met my missus after she came along with a friend to watch my team play rugby, something she had never done before and it got her away from her usual friends too. To be fair she had the choice of a few but was drunk enough to choose me

What_To_Do

Good advice Miss Fluff and couerdelion. I've taken it on board, thanks.

Miss Fluff

What_To_Do wrote: »

Good advice Miss Fluff and couerdelion. I've taken it on board, thanks.

I'm a hot totty in my early 30s as well and single too so maybe my advice should be taken with a pinch of salt

Way I see it, you can never have too many friends and doing new stuff is a great way of meeting people. Good luck girl.

LegacyUser

What_To_Do wrote: »

I'm a 31 year old female, have been told...

I'm 45 and she's 37 and today we met up with the wedding registrar to get our wedding licence. She was a tenant in a house owned by the first person I dated on an internet dating website. And that "landlady" - my first date - happened to mention me to her tenant. The rest is becoming history..

The web is a wonderful way to create potential leads. Although I didn't have to do so in the end, I started out with the realisation that I'd have to be prepared to perservere. Just about anyones company is tolerable for an hour or two. So what harm in shotgunning the market. Get out and about and utilise the medium..

You've plenty of time yet and the wait will have been worth it.