Broke up recently. He wants to be friends. Not sure if I want it

Siobhaninlove

So.. here I am. Sharing my pain wih strangers. I broke up with a guy just recently. We had been on and off for about a year now. He now wants to stay friends and I agreed to it. But now it gives me tummy aches. What should i do?

Nevyn

Cut contact with him, he wants you in life so that he can feel better and it's making you feel worse you have to put yourself frist. Cut contact for a month, tell him you have to
and that if he cares and respects you he will honour that.

karma403

Definately agree with Thaedydal, you need some time apart to think things through in your own head and learn how to live without an on/off boyfriend always hovering in the background.

Siobhaninlove

Thanks for your advise. My problem is I keep on thinking of him all the time and I don't know really how to distract me. Even my friends have a hard time to cheer me up and everytime he writes to me I feel good, but then I remember that we broke up. It sucks sooo much!

Nevyn

It wont' be easy but you won't be able to move on while he is able to make you feel that way.

fonpokno

Thaed is bang on the money, as usual. It's almost impossible to get over someone if you're still trying to be friends with them. I've tried it many a time and it just doesn't happen at all at all.

It'll be much better for yourself to stop contacting him altogether for a while to give yourself a chance to move on.

Siobhaninlove

I know... I know all that
I am afraid he might have left by the time I feel ready to be friends again. I am afraid of losing him completely.
My distraction strategies aren't the best either... I date other guys and jump into the next catastrophe. But a new guy is the best way to forget the old one, right? Sometimes I think, I am doing everything wrong in my life. Maybe I should start with loving myself. Love sucks. Who invented love?

cantdecide

Siobhaninlove wrote: »

...I feel ready to be friends again....I am afraid of losing him completely....

Unfortunately this happens every day and unfortunately, most of the time it requires that you have to cut contact and yes, you have to be ready to be in love...

fonpokno

Ahh I know it sucks hun. We've all been through. Last year, just after Valentine's I was dumped by a guy who I thought was just the most amazing thing ever. I cried and ate ice cream and watched chick flicks and felt sorry for myself. Hung out with all my friends, started having great nights out and just had fun. Then after 5 months of being single I met a guy that I have fallen for big time.

Give yourself time to heal. There's no point in rushing into another relationship. By all means, go out, have fun, flirt and kiss and everything, but don't throw yourself into something that you aren't ready for.

star-pants

fonpokno wrote: »

Give yourself time to heal. There's no point in rushing into another relationship. By all means, go out, have fun, flirt and kiss and everything, but don't throw yourself into something that you aren't ready for.

Good advice ^^ and from Thaed.

You can't be friends with him when you still feel for him how you do. I've done that, tried to be friends with guys who broke up with me, and I completely understand, even generic texts or msgs mean the world to you and it lifts you whilst you're talking to them. But then it stops, and you remember you don't have that connection anymore and that puts you down again. You'll keep going through this in a horrible circle until you *need* that contact to get through the day/week.

I really really understand how you're feeling, I had a break up nearly 2 years ago that messed me up for a while, and I wanted to stay friends - anything to stay connected to him. It was torture after a while, trying to talk to him and trying to remember I'm a friend. But it was never going to work, but I couldn't let go, I had to hold on to whatever little bit of conversation/contact I could because I didn't want to lose the chance of friendship. After a very long time (I had other issues at the time too but this was what I focused on) I knew I had to cut loose, or else I was going to do my head in.
For yourself you need to do this, for you to get past it you need a break. It's the only way hun. It's horrible and it's tough, but when you manage a week without contact you kinda think to yourself that it wasn't toooo bad. Then weeks get easier and they turn into months and you find the urge to stay in contact lessens.

I know I came up with all sorts of excuses for myself to stay in contact, but all it does is hurt *you* and it makes it harder to get over. If when things are easier and time has passed, you may be able to be friends. If he's not around or willing to be friends then, he's not worth the friendship.

Ginny

Siobhan cut contact with him until it stops feeling so raw, I've been where you are and honestly they usually only want to stay friends to ease some sort of guilt they're experiencing, or for their own selfish reasons.
You have to do everything you can to help yourself cope and heal from the breakup, and a daily constant reminder will only bog you down rather then let you move on.
I remember everyine telling me to cut contant and obviously I thought I was different, that I was fine that it would be nice to be friends with the person I'd spend a considerable amount of years with, but in the end all he caused me was pain and hurt and no friendship is worth that.

SunnySideUp

Some really good advice there!
I came out of a 7 year relationship a while ago and i never thought i would be able to live without him.......i couldnt get him out of my head. I would literally be thinking about him every second of every day. We tried to be friends but it just wasnt working. It was stopping both of us from moving on with our lives. So 2 years on, i have to say that life couldnt be better. I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for (how corny does that sound!) But its not that bad being single - actually its a lot of fun!!! I've met a few guys but noone that i've really fallen for. But sure as they say - whats for you wont pass you! Enjoy single life and with time it will get easier - i promise!:)

Siobhaninlove

Thanks so much girls. I really appreciate your opinions.
I spent the day grieving. I sobbed all evening until I remembered why I initiated the break-up. I did it for me, to be happier. I wasted my precious love on a guy who doesn't appreciate it and is unable to reply it. I deserve to be loved back. I have suffered, my self-esteem has suffered, but I m weak.
"on and off" says everything. this is the... 4th? time we "break up". he wanted a break. for the first time i was sure: i wanted an end. an end to mood swings, to mistrust, to jealousy.

When I suggested to break up he asked me if there was someone else. I said no, but in fact there is! ME!

Thanks for reminding me and thanks for supporting.

Miss Fluff

Your username says it all love. You are still in love with this guy eventhough you know he's no good for you. A transition to the friendzone just isn't possible right now, ask him to respect your need for time and space and start working on "Siobhan Inc." and looking out for yourself. Spend lots of time with your friends and make sure you have plans for fun activites over the next month or two to help take your mind off him. The pain will subside but having him in your life right now is not going to help that.

Bluebell55

Along a similar note, I have been in this situation before- but found it hard to get space, move on, etc. How can you move on and get on with being single, but still see them in every pub you go to, and every club?? We both mainly socialised at home, thats where all our friends are....

Siobhaninlove

I know. That's the problem. We are living in the same district and I am so afraid of running into him.
My advice: Try out new things, new places. Do things you haven't done before and discover places you've always wanted to go to. I have planned a trip to Paris and Barcelona by myself And I am looking forward to it. And maybe think about moving into another district?

I have said good bye to him. Forever. The thought of maybe being "friends" with him again stressed me so much. I was afraid I might not be able to move on and it would repeat itself all over again. I don't want it. So I said "NO!" to friendship. It's very unlikely anyway that we will be able to be friends in the next 6 months anyway.

I am staying away from his favourite places and he is staying away from mine. And if I want to go to "his" place, I tell him not to be there. It's a weird situation, I know, but it works best for me. And he has to live with it.

adzer86

Siobhaninlove wrote:

I have planned a trip to Paris and Barcelona by myself

why not invite friends? Trips are always better craic when there are a few of you.

Siobhaninlove wrote:

And if I want to go to "his" place, I tell him not to be there. It's a weird situation, I know, but it works best for me. And he has to live with it.

Dont know about doing this. He could/would tell you to piss off if he wanted to go to his local but you told him he couldnt because you wanted to go.
You could simply just avoid each other in that place. A mutual respect could quickly turn into mutual distain for each other.
Just a thought

Siobhaninlove

Well, first of all I don't have too many friends who I could ask. And I enjoy traveling by myself, cause I meet more people and am more open towards them. I also arranged to met up with a friend in Paris. So I won't be lonely.

He could/would tell you to piss off if he wanted to go to his local but you told him he couldnt because you wanted to go.

It's not like that. I ask him, if he's going to be there and whether he might change his plans if he planned on going there. I mean, we still respect each other. The places we go to are just too small to "avoid each other". And I don't wanna see him with another girl. Wouldn't be able to handle that yet.

Salome

Personally, I believe that it's virtually impossible to be "just friends" with someone you've had strong emotional feelings for - it's so painful to be with them as a friend but not as a lover.

I agree with the others - cutting contact is the best way to go.

MIN2511

I have mixed feelings on this...

I am freinds with exes, guys who i have been on dates with that end up in the freind zone etc...
And there are guys i have been with who i know treated me badly and i would never keep in touch with such men.

It all depends on how you feel, did he treat you right? Was the break up hurtful, mean and malicious? If the answer is yes then you don't need to be freinds with him.

If you see him in public, just be cordial, hello wouldn't kill you


Just re read your post-why would you text him if you are going to his fav place? It's a free world, how do you expect to move on if you keep informing him of your whereabouts???

Doesn't make sense! If you cut contact be prepared to bump into him, it wouldn't kill you-there's life after a relationship

Siobhaninlove

MIN2511 wrote: »

why would you text him if you are going to his fav place? It's a free world, how do you expect to move on if you keep informing him of your whereabouts???

Doesn't make sense! If you cut contact be prepared to bump into him, it wouldn't kill you-there's life after a relationship

OK... it's not like I am telling him about every place I go to. I go to a lot of places where he could be as well. It's just about a very particular place. When I know that there is a 80% chance that he's there. At the moment, I just don't want to see him. So I ask him not to be there. I am pretty sure that I will be able to handle it in two or three months from now.
Sure there is a life after a relationship. But the transition state of the first one or two months isn't easy.

G-Money

Hmmmm, I agree with other posters in that trying to be friends is a bad idea if you want to move on. I often wonder why people suggest that after breakups. Sometimes I think it's selfishness on the person who suggests it. Othertimes I guess it's them feeling bad that things are ending.

I met a girl towards the end of last year. We got on well but she had said from the start that she wasn't looking for a boyfriend etc. Despite that we got close and really liked each other and some stuff happened. After while she kind of freaked out about it and said it was getting serious and she couldn't handle it. Part of me understands this but part of me doesn't.

Anyway she said she just wanted to be friends and I basically said I didn't want that but I reluctantly decided to try. About 2 weeks later she met some other guy and started going out on dates with him. Needless to say this was soul destroying and immediately made me realise that the friends thing was never going to work. Although I was pretty sure it was a bad idea from the start.

I knew staying in touch with her would just make things harder for me and I suppose being selfish, I felt hurt and thought why should she have her cake and eat it too. I said I needed some space and we should cut off contact for a while. I started out thinking a month would do but she'd text/email me every few days or weeks saying she missed me etc. While that was nice to hear, I thought it was unfair of her to say that when she knew the situation between us and wasn't willing to go that route.

Shortly after I said I wanted a few months of a break which seemed to shock her. I had her as one of my friends of Facebook but the last thing I wanted was to see her pic and see some status update saying she was in a relationship with someone else or something. I knew deleting her from my friend list would just lead to an awkward conversation when she noticed so I just completely closed my Facebook account, deleted all pictures, emails that she had sent, deleted my email account, and deleted her number. I was also about 2 seconds away from changing my number. I wrote down her number on a piece of paper in-case I wanted to contact her. But to be honest, I have no intentions of ever doing so. Since then I've bought a new phone which came with a new number so there's still a chance I may change my number and say nothing.

So the gaps in contact got a little longer but never more than 4 to 5 weeks. She text'd me a couple of weeks ago asking how I was. As luck would have it, I had arranged a date the following night with someone else so it was almost inevitable the universe would throw that one up

We swapped a few texts and I basically told her that I couldn't really be friends. She asked had the time apart not helped and I said it had, but I knew if we just started talking etc like we had before, I'd probably just slip back into wanting something to happen and I know it won't. She said she understood and wishes things could be different. I said I would have liked things to be different too.

Since then though, I feel like I've finally started to get some closure on it. As much as I was going out, it was still nagging away at me how things went. Even now if I think about it too much, I get pissed off about it all. But I definitely feel like I've started to close that chapter anyway. It's still not all the way there, but I definitely feel like I've made huge strides in the last couple of weeks.

I don't know if it's just because I'm me, or if all guys are like this, but I'm not really that bothered about being friends with a girl. I mean if I like her and want to be with her, being friends is no consolation whatsover. In fact it's probably worse as you have to sit and watch them off out with someone else. It's like having what you want dangled in front of your face but not being able to do anything about it.

I have to admit I've not read all the replies to the original post. However for me, I was never really good friends with this girl to begin with. I was always interested in being more than that. I don't feel like I'm losing anything by not being friends as I never wanted that at any point. For me, if I want to be more than friends and I can't, there's nothing else to lose.

Regarding bumping into him, that's always a risk if you set foot outside your front door. I don't know where that girl likes to socialise so I know I run a risk of bumping into her. If I did end up in a bar and she was there, if she didn't see me, I'd probably either leave or try and stay there without her noticing me. If she did notice me and approached me, I'd be polite and civil but I'd end the conversation and leave the bar and go somewhere else as soon as possible. The last thing you want to do is to stand there and pretend you aren't bothered while they are off snogging someone else.

I think its normal to be civil etc, but there's no point staying around and letting yourself get emotionally beat up. Especially when you have the power to just leave.

I don't know if you need/want/have to meet up with this guy again, but unless you have some sort of financial or work situation or something which means you've no choice but to meet, I would probably stay away. I know that girl, I've no desire to meet up with her again. I suppose I'm worried if I do meet her, everything will come just gushing back and seeing there's no possibilty of anything ever happening, there's no poing putting myself through that.

I think the only way to move on is to cut off contact and not re-initiate it until such times that you feel completely over it and won't suffer a relapse. If not, leave it.

banshee_bones

Siobhaninlove wrote: »

OK... it's not like I am telling him about every place I go to. I go to a lot of places where he could be as well. It's just about a very particular place. When I know that there is a 80% chance that he's there. At the moment, I just don't want to see him. So I ask him not to be there. I am pretty sure that I will be able to handle it in two or three months from now.
Sure there is a life after a relationship. But the transition state of the first one or two months isn't easy.

GO.SOMEWHERE.ELSE.

Find new places for yourself that have no connections to him. and OP i *know* its hard to cut contact *(believe me i have had friends bleat on to me *still* about doing it 6 months on because there are still emails and messages to a certain social networking site)*

But just stop responding to the emails,the texts and whatever you do dont you iniate anything,delete his number if you havent memorised it already.

Seriously out of sight out of mind.

and that goes for seeing his number in your phone,seeing messages texts and emails.
I know its doubly hard if you live close by but its do-able. Trust me.
If you are not willing to take any of the advice on here which has been given to help you move on and cope well then im really sorry but it will be your own undoing and you will just be prolonging the grief.

Siobhaninlove

@ banshee bones
I have moved on and I am doing great! Finally I feel happy almost every day and I go to work whisteling. I am fine, I am having a lot of fun. I have deleted his number shortly after I started this thread and it feels like a relief to know that I don't have to be friends with him.
I have realized that even the thought of maybe being friends in 2 months or so made me feel stressed and so I decided to say "no" to friendship. Maybe it's possible to be friends again in a year. But he'll have left the city we live in anyway.

@ grandmaster
I have gone through the same. I have been on and off with him for a year and it started as a "I don't want a relationship" relationship. But you can't change who you fall in love with. It just happens, but I didn't wanna admit that I was actually in love. It hurt me to see him with other girls and knowing that he was sleeping with other girls. He said, he is fond of me. I think I overinterpreted this. I wanted it to mean more, but it was never more. The last thing we did, was going exclusive, without calling it a relationship still. The last thing he did to me, was asking for a get out of jail free card to sleep with his ex-gf.
I dunno how I could be so blind and how I could go on with that for such a long time. He's not worth my love. I have given up. After a year a guy should know that he wants me. And if he doesn't know, he's not worth fighting for him anymore.
Like you, I can't imagine being friends, cause it'd break my heart to see him with other girls. I don't want it to start all over again.

banshee_bones

Siobhaninlove wrote: »

@ banshee shoes
I have moved on and I am doing great! Finally I feel happy almost every day and I go to work whisteling. I am fine, I am having a lot of fun. I have deleted his number shortly after I started this thread and it feels like a relief to know that I don't have to be friends with him.
I have realized that even the thought of maybe being friends in 2 months or so made me feel stressed and so I decided to say "no" to friendship. Maybe it's possible to be friends again in a year. But he'll have left the city we live in anyway.

Theres your problem. You are already thinking down the line that theres hope for your friendship. (and i guess you are thinking a possible reconciliation out of that?) Which leads me to belive that you are still hanging on to some shred of hope.
Please just forget about him entirely. Focus on yourself and what makes you happy and get on with your own life and meeting new people.

Blue_Wolf

It seems that you have already made up your mind so not to sure what you want from the feedback of the boardsies..??!

Siobhaninlove wrote: »

I know. That's the problem. We are living in the same district and I am so afraid of running into him.
My advice: Try out new things, new places. Do things you haven't done before and discover places you've always wanted to go to. I have planned a trip to Paris and Barcelona by myself And I am looking forward to it. And maybe think about moving into another district?

I have said good bye to him. Forever. The thought of maybe being "friends" with him again stressed me so much. I was afraid I might not be able to move on and it would repeat itself all over again. I don't want it. So I said "NO!" to friendship. It's very unlikely anyway that we will be able to be friends in the next 6 months anyway.

I am staying away from his favourite places and he is staying away from mine. And if I want to go to "his" place, I tell him not to be there. It's a weird situation, I know, but it works best for me. And he has to live with it.

Siobhaninlove

I dunno why you start picking at me?

I have moved on and how stupid would I be to go back to someone who only hurt me and who doesn't know what he wants.

And yes, I have made up my mind. If you read my post a few posts above, you'd realize that I already said thank you. But I needed you all to make up my mind.

CathyMoran

Sorry, maybe I am picking this up wrong but you wanted the break up? If so, surely he is trying to get you back? These things can work but only if both sides have had a serious change of heart and mind. If nothing else give yourself a break from him for a while. People can and do grow up sometimes.

Siobhaninlove

Nah, I wouldn't want that. I have been hurt too often before and wouldn't be able to trust him at all. I also don't think he will grow up that suddenly. Would be a miracle and I don't believe in miracles.
For more than a year I believed that there was a chance, that he might grow up, show emotions, but it never happened. I can't wait any longer, I can't give any more. I feel like he sucked all my energy out of me. I don't have any more to give.

Nevyn

As hard as that realisation is and as hard as it was for you to get there, well done Siobhaninlove.
At least you know you did your best and you tried and if the other person can't or won't
invest as much in the relationship then you are right to want better for yourself.

You have to look after yourself.

As for those who think that there maybe a second beginning, sometimes that just
is not possible when you have given too much and hung on to hope for too long.
Even if a miracle was too happen some times they happen too late.

Think about where you would be in your life and your own development if you had invested
even half the time and energy you spent on his.

G-Money

There's no point compromising your own happiness in order to keep someone or hang on desperately to something that isn't working. It's good to give things a chance and try to work through a problem. Eventually though, if two people are not on the same page, something has to be done.

As I say, I don't think you've much to lose by cutting off contact for a while. Best case scenario, he realises he's made a mistake. Worse case scenario, nothing changes and that stings. But at least you have taken one step in the right direction.

Also, don't feel obliged to "stay friends". I really don't get this whole staying friends with an ex bit. In my head, if you went out with someone and now you don't, it means one or both people didn't want to be with the other anymore. It's almost like you are obliged to agree to staying friends no matter how uncomfortable and unhappy it makes you.

I say "f*** that". I mean the other person is often out happy as can be with someone else. They don't need you there as their cheerleader wishing them the best.

MollyRo

heya... best thing I found was to cut contact and be straight with him. tell him you need a few weeks without contact. if he respects that he'll leave you be. you'll get into a better space. your phone will beg you to text him etc but what have you got to say at this stage?
then all you can do is go on the raz with your mates and have a good laugh... very therapeutic and highly recommended! Then see if you even want to stay in contact. you might find yourself forgetting about him quicker than you thought. its actually not as hard as it might sound... trust me!

G-Money

Everyone says try and not think about them but that's the easiest thing to say and the hardest thing to do. I used to get reminders everywhere, a tv show, a song, see two people together etc etc. The simple fact of the matter is that at the start you are upset, closely followed by anger, bitterness and resentment. After a while those subside and the pain goes away.

As soon as I knew that girl was going out with someone else I just went off the deep end regarding going out. I went out loads of times with the lads to meet girls, signed up to a couple of internet dating sites and met up with quite a lot of girls from those. Some went well, others didn't, but regardless it made me feel like I was out doing something and trying to get over it. I remember a few weeks after I took that bullet in my chest I met up with a girl. It was amazing that in the whole time I was with her, the other girl who I liked only popped into my head for about 2 seconds and just as quickly disappeared. I had been a bit worried I was going to spend all night thinking of her but it was a relief to know it was only a split second then it was gone.

To be honest, I was doing all that to try and get over that girl and get past it. I'm going to be a bit crude but lads have a saying that they often say to each other when one of them is hurting over a girl "The best way to get over one girl is to get under another". I don't know if that's called being on the rebound or not. But stuff it, if someone you like isn't willing to be with you, you are perfectly entitled to do whatever you want with whoever you want.

I say, forget about it. I don't really believe so much in 2nd chances in these types of situations. I mean if somehow the universe makes things come together in the future, fair enough. But I wouldn't exactly be making it easy for that to happen. In my mind if you give a person the opportunity to be with you and for whatever reason they turn it down, then just put a line under it, move on.

Also, one other bit of advice. Don't be secretly thinking or hoping that somehow, in the future, maybe something will happen again. I'm not saying that's impossible, but let's be honest, how many times do things work out like that? As much as I'd like some romantic film story like that to happen, it never does, at least not to me. So my advice is to cut off all contact, and move on. Also don't be holding on to some hope that maybe it might happen in the future.

For me anyway, I try to just forget about the person and get to the point where its like we never met. You can't really move on if they are always in your thoughts. At least I can't.

I don't mean to sound like a harsh fecker and if you knew me, you'd know I'm definitely not like that. It's just the stupid text making it seem like I'm an angry nordy when in fact I'm just a very calm nordy

polevault

I agree with 90% of the advice here. Although i would have reservations about cutting contact forever. I just know from experience that cutting contact and trying to forget someone ever exsisted is a huge insult into the love you guys shared in the past and over time when both of you have moved on you will be the one that had the sour trait in their personality. I have seen this with two of my close guy friends and one of them went into melt down for a year because his ex told him to stay away and never ever make contact with her again. he is a nice guy but has been crippled by this lack of respect for other people's emotions. Only the weak see sense in cutting contact forever and ever. whats the saying? " the faster you rip off the plaster the less it will hurt"", "BUT the longer it will take to heal!!". I totally agree with a few months away to find yourself again but casting someone into distant memory only sets up for a very insecure and possessive girlfriend to your next boyfriend! Thats a fact! I've seen it, and experienced it. I had to get a girlfriend to go and say hello to her ex bf in cork after she saw him for the first time in 1 yr. She nearly fainted when she saw him. We went over and he was a lovely guy and afterwards she was so happy i made her do it. She appretiated me more after, she even agreed that she regreted ever telling him never to talk to her again. He had moved on and we were all happy for eachother. Life is too short. I think we can all agree that you would rather be known as a lovely girl who went out with that guy once or that ignorant B""*h who didn't care about him. Believe it or not between friends of the people this happens to, the last impressions are the lasting ones!. Another thing to realise is that if you cut contact with someone and you loved them, how do you know when the time comes when you are no longer in love with them. Its not when you meet someone else. Alot of the time breakups happen when you in love but meeting someone else could put u in a tricky position for your own heart.

Siobhaninlove

a few weeks have passed and I can't really say that it's much better now. I went away for a few days and had completely forgotten about it. But as soon as I was back in my normal life, I got kicked in the face with memories that really hurt me.

I ran into him a few days ago and he seriously asked me "how are you?". I was sooo angry at him.

G-Money

I think you need to completely avoid that guy. I know what you mean about going back to your normal life and things reminding you of him. My advice? Change those things. For example. That girl I liked always used to email me. When things went bad I used to hate checking my mail and seeing a message from her as it would just bring it all back. So I went and deleted my email address and created a new one. Now I can go check my mail and I don't have to worry about seeing some message from her that's going to bring back a load of bad feelings.

Remember I said I made a note of her number? Well guess what, I've thrown it out. I still have a couple of phone bills with her number on them but they are going into the shredder by the end of the week. I can kind of still remember the number but I'm hoping I will forget it soon. But if I forget it, that's it. I'm still not ruling out changing my number as well.

I really think you just need to get rid of all the reminders of him. Delete his email, his number, anything and everything you have of him, get rid of.

And if the worst comes to the worst, sure I will take you out some night to help you forget about him

Siobhaninlove

Well, it's not so much that he contacts me. He still owes me money and I am waiting for him to give it back to me. So I have been contacting him a few times now asking for it. And whenever he replied I sent a personal message to get rid of all the **** I could never say to him. I know it's bad and I know I shouldn't. I hope, it's all gonna be over when I got that last bit of money.

My best friend lives next to a place he visits really frequently. So, I ran into him a few times already. Trying not to look at him, which feels childish, but I don't want to talk to him cause I got nothing to say anyway. But whenever I pick her up, I run the risk to see him sitting there with some pretty girl. I know his life goes on and he's always been lucky with picking up girls. I dunno if it's bad or good for me to see it. I think I gotta get used to it - the sooner the better. Maybe it helps me to see that I didn't mean that much to him. Maybe it helps me to forget him quicker cause then he's not worth my thoughts of him. He isn't anyway....

It's getting better. I talk a lot. I try to get over it. I hang out with my girlfriends. I avoid going to the typical pick-up-places though, cause I am sick of guys who just want to get into my pants. It will take a few more months and maybe I need to move away to really forget about it. But I am optimistic

Siobhaninlove

grandmaster wrote: »

And if the worst comes to the worst, sure I will take you out some night to help you forget about him

Are you trying to pick me up here?

G-Money

Siobhaninlove wrote: »

Are you trying to pick me up here?

A man chatting up a female, perish the thought

Dido1

Hi Siobhan, just read the thread and it's like reading about myself. I just broke up with a guy ater a year, we broke up once before. Thing is he is in my every waking thought and it's driving me round the twist. Think my girlfriends are getting so sick of hearing about it.

Thing is, even tho i'm a very level headed and logical person and i know that this guy has issues with relationships and is always waiting for something better to come along, i can't help missing everything about him.

He wants to stay friends and i was up for that but just when i think i'm ok, he texts, i start thinking and reading into every text and driving myself nuts again, so have decided that i'm gonna cut contact, for my own sanity!! Anyway hope you feel better soon girlie. Men!!!!

SarahSassy

Girls, you can continue to wallow in this, you an analyse every thought and every word and you can spend (waste) another full year doing so without moving on... The bottom line is that at some point you need to draw a line on this behaviour... Its getting you no where and it surely isnt bringing your ex back or making him miss you...

I am not trying to be harsh and have had my heart broken more than once but the reality is that most of the time he is not coming back... Staying in touch with him will not make him love you, but it will let him know that you are available to be used and played with if he sees fit.

Why are you tying yourselves up in knots for guys who are not good for you? You may as well put your hand in the fire every day as relive the pain you are putting yourselves through... I know you are hurting but at some stage you need to make the decision not to hurt anymore, not to obsess and not to give into him when he comes running.

There are absolutely fantastic men out there who would love and cherish you so why torture yourselves with someone who doesnt care enough..

Grow a spine and have some pride in yourselves. No one should be there for the taking and no one should waste this precious life wallowing in misery. Its mind over matter ultimately and as I said before you can wallow for the next 5 years ( I wasted 2 years so I know what I am talking about) but in the end its only you that you are hurting.

Dido1

I hear you and believe me I know first hand that time heals all, but it does take time to heal a broken heart. I think cutting all contact is a step in the right direction tho.

SarahSassy

Dido1 wrote: »

I hear you and believe me I know first hand that time heals all, but it does take time to heal a broken heart. I think cutting all contact is a step in the right direction tho.

Its the only way... Time can heal but only if you let it and make the decision to heal. Otherwise it can take all the time in the world.....