help i need help with bestman speech

hughspark

hi there. im going to be bestman for my mates wedding at the end of the month. i need help with the speech. he is mad into cycling and i was trying to get 5 funny resons why he likes cycling. can anyone come up with a few funny resons or an funny things to put in the speech about cycling. thanks

AstraMonti

1) He likes to get "wet"
2) He enjoys tight lycra on his body

Can't think of anything funny or smart actually.. good luck though!

scottreynolds

hughspark wrote: »

hi there. im going to be bestman for my mates wedding at the end of the month. i need help with the speech. he is mad into cycling and i was trying to get 5 funny resons why he likes cycling. can anyone come up with a few funny resons or an funny things to put in the speech about cycling. thanks

I'd describe not cycling but a special one who he pops out and rides during the weekend and occasionally during the week. She never seems to have a headache and is always up for it.etc etc.

Chris Peak

Fill yer boots

Why Bicycles Are Better Than Women

1. Bicycles don't pregnant.
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don't have parents.
4. Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you've ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don't care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don't care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don't care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You'll never hear, "Surprise, you're going to own a new bicycle"
unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don't have to discuss
politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.
16. You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.
17. If you say bad things to your bicycle, you don't have to apologize
before you ride it again.
18. You can ride your bicycle as long as you want and it wont get
sore.
19. You can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it wont
get frustrated.
20. Your parents wont remain in touch with your old bicycle after you
dump it.
21. Bicycles don't get headaches.
22. Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
23. Your bicycle never wants a night out with other bicycles.
24. Bicycles don't care if you're late.
25. You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
26. If your bicycle doesn't look good, you can paint it or get better
parts.
27. You can ride your bicycle the first time you meet it without
having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
28. The only protection you need to wear when riding your bicycle is a
decent helmet.
29. When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you
had the last time you were on your bicycle.

Hungrycol

Similar to above...

Why women shouldn't marry Cyclists

1. Their legs will be smoother than yours.
2. They are more likely to wash their bike than the car
3. Not even 'Super Domestiques' do dishes.
4. They will expect drinks handed up to them at 30mph during races (& even faster than that at home).
5. Wont go out on Saturday night coz they are racing on Sunday.
6. Too knackered to go out on Sunday.
7. You will be expected to understand 8/9 speed gears, 12/18/24/32 spoke wheels and the mystery of the Swords handicap system.
8. More likely to complement a fellow cyclist on his legs than to compliment you on yours.
9. They are always hungry/tired/ worried about their form.
10. May keep their favourite bike in the house, some even keep it in their bedroom and some women may not wish to share this space with something they are happy to ride for hours on end.
11. Will spend more on a pair of Oakleys than your birthday present.
12. Once they find a comfortable riding position, they are unwilling to change.
13. Always want to come first....usually after an 8 second sprint.
14. Will watch Eurosport for hours to watch it all coming down to sprint with Zabel winning again.
15. Drag you to Club get togethers where they will relive their fantasies with the fellow inflicted.
16. Buy loads of Cycling magazines which they never actually read.
17. They have more clingy numbers in their wardrobe than you do.
18. Spend hours on end stuck up some other cyclists arse!
19. May wish to go to Spain for a week 'to train'. (May even bring back photos to back up their story).
20. Are never happy with whatever they are currently riding.

Courtesy of Swords CC humour page.

roadmanmad

For the insecure women (99.99999%)

A cyclist is a great person to marry.

When he has that lost look in his eye, you know he his thinking about 1 thing. How to climb That huge hill on the next cycle and not die in the process.

He well used to see load of 'ass', particular the rear view, but they likely to be taking mental notes of various vital statistics such the tyre type, wheels, rear cassette and frame.

They tend to make excellent drivers in cars. So there will be very little need for comments on one's driving.

Downside,

A good cycle will take longer than a game of golf.
There is loads of washing.
There a bicycle magazines everywhere.
There is cycling gear falling out of every cupboard.
In fact there are bicyles everywhere, room, shed & attic.

And if you are clever, you will not tell her about the additional 4 in storage at the bike shop which you have purchased over a year ago because the price was right.

They also smoke and drink less.

What can I say - Cyclists are just perfect marriage material.

hughspark

thanks for the tips. could anyone just write the whole speech for me. lol
:D:D

Caroline_ie

i hope your man doesn't read the boards ...

hughspark

i hope not.

hughspark

any boby ant other funny reasons why he likes cycling so much.