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To wait a bit more ?

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  • 13-03-2009 4:46pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok a thread here "too soon" got me thinking ....

    Been out with this lad three times, i know hes dying to sleep with me but i want to wait a while to see how things go rather than it just being a one nighter or him kinda losing interest after gettin some. I'm actually dying for some as well if truth be known but would prefer to wait another few weeks.

    So is it some kind of double stands from me seen as he knows i want it but am much happier just "making out" etc for the time being? He said it really frustrated him the last night as he was just so turned on and didnt get an luvin

    Help ?


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    #2
    Wagon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Wagon


    Nothing wrong with waiting till you're comfortable :) But don't start using it as a weapon. ie. holding out cos you're pissed off he didn't buy you that diamond necklace :p


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here again

    No not using it as a weapon! Just don't want it to seem like teasing, or what is going too far making out wise seen as i want to wait a bit longer for full sex


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    #4
    ubique
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭ubique


    Make him wait and don't believe the rubbish..... just hope its worth it!!


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unreg2009 wrote: »
    OP here again

    No not using it as a weapon! Just don't want it to seem like teasing, or what is going too far making out wise seen as i want to wait a bit longer for full sex

    He should have no problem with a bit of teasing. If he has then you're better off without. Wait as long as you want. You'll learn more about him in the meantime.


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    #6
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    It would surely be better if he were respectful enough to wait until you were ready. I'd be concerned that we all know that it can be a deal breaker to some girls and you obviously know he's mad for it already so I'm inclined to think he's not taking things very seriously??


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    #7
    Femelade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,820 ✭✭✭Femelade


    When i got with my boyfriend first,things got heated the first night i was with him, but i had really liked the guy, and wanted to be in a relationship with him so i stopped anything from happening. after a few weeks i told him i wasnt prepared to sleep with him for another while, he was totally fine. we finally did on our 2 month anniversary.

    It was lovely and totally worth the wait.
    He later told me he prob wouldnt have had much interest if we had gone all they way the first night.

    Its better to wait..
    and for as long as you like....or can! ;)


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    #8
    calahans
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 225 ✭✭calahans


    A little while will just sharpen his appetite ... but not too long though :D


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    #9
    aye
    Closed Accounts Posts: 991 ✭✭✭aye


    cantdecide wrote: »
    you obviously know he's mad for it already so I'm inclined to think he's not taking things very seriously??

    Just cos he is human and wants some?
    Femelade wrote: »
    He later told me he prob wouldnt have had much interest if we had gone all they way the first night.

    Tbh, as a guy, i never really understood that. i know ppl that think that way, personally i dont get it. So he wouldnt have missed out on the chance to have a relationship with you cos you slept with him on the first night, even though he slept with you on the first night also. Double standards maybe?


    Op if you wanna wait then wait, he should respect that, but i dont see why he should lose interest when you do start.


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    #10
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    aye wrote: »
    Just cos he is human and wants some?

    Who doesn't?

    It's because he has declared it already and he knows her two minutes...


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    #11
    Shinners23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 265 ✭✭Shinners23


    Femelade wrote: »
    When i got with my boyfriend first,things got heated the first night i was with him, but i had really liked the guy, and wanted to be in a relationship with him so i stopped anything from happening. after a few weeks i told him i wasnt prepared to sleep with him for another while, he was totally fine. we finally did on our 2 month anniversary.

    It was lovely and totally worth the wait.
    He later told me he prob wouldnt have had much interest if we had gone all they way the first night.

    Its better to wait..
    and for as long as you like....or can! ;)

    + 1
    Same for me and my boyfriend. I held out for 2 months bascially because I liked him alot. Try and hold out but when the times right you'll know.

    Best of luck x


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    #12
    shellyboo
    Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    cantdecide wrote: »
    Who doesn't?

    It's because he has declared it already and he knows her two minutes...


    They've been on three dates! Some people are just more forward about sex than others. I don't think there's anything wrong with letting a girl know you want her, if nothing else at least she knows he's interested.

    But if the OP wants to wait, then she should wait. Just make it clear to him you're not going to sleep with him in the short term - if he backs off and hangs around you'll know he's in it for the right reasons. If he keeps hassling you, that's bad form.


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    #13
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    There's an old Italian saying that goes men never stay with a woman who cedes immediately or never, so really the trick is when to take things to that level?

    When you're comfortable sounds fine in theory, but the reality is that it really depends on what guys are used to in the culture they live in. Putting it bluntly, you may feel comfortable after two months, but if a guy is used to having sex after two weeks, then you've essentially priced yourself out of the market.

    But then again, maybe not. And even if that is the market, maybe some guy will wait - but only as long as you are realistic and don't take your romantic cues from Hollywood romcoms.


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    #14
    MIN2511
    Registered Users Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    Don't have sex until you are ready to....
    Simple as, if he wouldn't wait then he's not worth the hassle.


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    #15
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sure no problem in making him wait. If he doesnt hang around then I guess you wont be missing much then. I actually turned down my girlfriend on the first night and second I think!! It was prob 2 months or so into going out before we had sex. The only reason I hung around is because I had known her from before we got together but had she been a random girl and offered it up on the first night id have probably run!!


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    #16
    aye
    Closed Accounts Posts: 991 ✭✭✭aye


    Unregistered wrote: »
    The only reason I hung around is because I had known her from before we got together but had she been a random girl and offered it up on the first night id have probably run!!

    Why?


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    #17
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Sure no problem in making him wait. If he doesnt hang around then I guess you wont be missing much then. I actually turned down my girlfriend on the first night and second I think!! It was prob 2 months or so into going out before we had sex. The only reason I hung around is because I had known her from before we got together but had she been a random girl and offered it up on the first night id have probably run!!


    Hi OP here again

    Just interested in this response as its from a guys perspective... OK so 2months before having sex, so what was acceptable to do in those 2months without going too far? How intimate is being intimate without going too far? I'm 28 so its not like we are kids, i love lying in bed with him but just not in "that place" for sex just yet


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    #18
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Make him wait till your ready. Any girl I liked enough I would happily wait for, if I was only after sex I wouldnt hang around too long so if he pulls a runner then you know what he was after in the first place. When people talk about the double standards of men who say they would not go out with somebody who slept with them on the first date well I remember a survey a little while ago where women said that men who refused sex the first night or waited had a much better chance of being a long term partner so its sort of the same thing really, just phrased differently.


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    #19
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Unreg2009 wrote: »
    Hi OP here again

    Just interested in this response as its from a guys perspective... OK so 2months before having sex, so what was acceptable to do in those 2months without going too far? How intimate is being intimate without going too far? I'm 28 so its not like we are kids, i love lying in bed with him but just not in "that place" for sex just yet

    While a girl putting out on the first night would certainly be offputting 2 months is ridiculous if you want it. If I really liked a girl and she wasn't having sex with me because she thought I'd disappear I'd be pretty upset/offended.

    People keep saying do it when you're ready but you've said yourself you are ready, you just think he's going to lose interest in you.
    How intimate is being intimate without going too far?

    What does this even mean? Are you asking for specific non-penetration sexual acts? Do what you want with him, why would something be going to far?

    Are you sure you're actually physically attracted to him? If you're lying in bed I just think something would have happened by now.


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    #20
    yellowcurl
    Registered Users Posts: 787 ✭✭✭yellowcurl


    If you're not 100% comfortable with it, then wait. There's no harm in that whatsoever.

    Never sacrifice your own comfort just because you think it's expected of you or 'not the norm' or whatever. There is no 'norm'.

    If this guy really likes you then he should be happy to wait until a time that you're completely ok with it. And if/when you are, have fun!


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    #21
    TomMorgan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13 ✭TomMorgan


    To the people who were wondering-
    Guys lose respect for girls who f*ck straight away because it means they're slutty. if they'll sleep with you immediately, how many other people have they done that with? nobody wants to go out with the village bike.

    In saying that, this thing of "if he respects you, he'll wait a few months" is bollox. it's normal to want sex. if you respect him, don't act like a child, as if sex is a gift that women graciously bestow on men. also, if you think after three dates he's gonna drop and roll, that's pretty insulting really.

    i slept with my current gf after a 2-3 weeks. i think she's the coolest person ever, but if she had've decided to "make me wait" i'd never have known that, cos i would've been out of there.

    OP, your past the point of him losing respect for you. If he wants to and you want to, just go for it.


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    #22
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    TomMorgan wrote: »
    if you respect him, don't act like a child, as if sex is a gift that women graciously bestow on men. also, if you think after three dates he's gonna drop and roll, that's pretty insulting really.

    +1

    Also, I've often thought that I'd LOVE to see the scenario reversed; just imagine for a second that him saying "I'm so turned on and want to" was that "playful tease" mentioned earlier, and that if the OP said "let's do it, so", the guy said "nope, don't want to, not yet".

    Y'see that's the thing; if you don't trust someone (male or female) or reckon they're around for the ego-boost of knowing you want them, or think they'd feck off immediately afterwards, then you probably shouldn't be with them.

    Yes, it takes a while to get an idea of that, and THAT'S how long you should wait; plus we've all probably made dodgy (disastrous?) calls on that front along the way....

    But this crap about treating guys like children and that sex is somehow a gift is as sexist as it comes......this thread should be about the OP being comfortable (and apparently she's not, not yet)....

    Sex is an activity between two consenting adults; and just like you shouldn't bring a stranger home for the night if you have a nagging doubt that you might wake up to find money or some stuff stolen, you don't have sex if you have a nagging doubt......but if you're comfortable with either scenario, there's no problem.


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    #23
    aye
    Closed Accounts Posts: 991 ✭✭✭aye


    TomMorgan wrote: »
    To the people who were wondering-
    Guys lose respect for girls who f*ck straight away because it means they're slutty. if they'll sleep with you immediately, how many other people have they done that with? nobody wants to go out with the village bike.

    so then the guy is pretty slutty too no?
    how many other ppl has the guy done it with?

    TomMorgan wrote: »
    as if sex is a gift that women graciously bestow on men.

    well by your above comment it is then. your saying a girl shouldnt sleep with someone on the first night cos its slutty, but a guy can do it no bother, essentially saying that yes sex is something that women gift to men.

    i know whats your saying about the 'village bike' bit, but if a girl really likes a guy and sleeps with him early as it were, it can also show she is comfortable with her sexuality and conifdent enough to know that she wants the guy.


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    #24
    Armin_Tamzarian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,833 ✭✭✭✭Armin_Tamzarian


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Sure no problem in making him wait. If he doesnt hang around then I guess you wont be missing much then. I actually turned down my girlfriend on the first night and second I think!! It was prob 2 months or so into going out before we had sex. The only reason I hung around is because I had known her from before we got together but had she been a random girl and offered it up on the first night id have probably run!!
    +1

    If I meet a girl and end up getting off with her the first or second time we meet, then it's pretty much definite that I wont want to see her again.
    Perhaps this doesn't say much about me, fact is that's the way it is.

    Like the other poster, I've met girls that I've really liked and it's been me
    who has said no to sex and not them.
    It backfired this one time though, she started accusing me of being gay and all sorts.
    Well I showed her, well actually I didn't that was the problem...
    anyhow, I digress...

    I held off having sex because I liked them and wanted to get a chance to get to know / respect them and see where it goes.

    Blokes will be different, but to me there are two types of girls.
    There's the one-night stand type and then there's the
    potential girlfriend type.

    So I say hold off for as long as you like.
    Preferably until you feel totally comfortable in the relationship.
    The sex should be the icing on the cake, not the be-all-end-all.

    If that guy keeps going on like, "oh we've had 4 dates so I get sex, it's in the rule book", then he doesn't sound like he's worth bothering with.

    If he's really into you he should be patient and have enough respect
    to wait until it's obvious that the time is right and not be constantly pestering you.


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    #25
    Jimmy Bottlehead
    Registered Users Posts: 10,118 ✭✭✭✭Jimmy Bottlehead


    Funnily, I always had the thought that if a girl put out too soon, I'd not consider her relationship material.

    But my girlfriend and I slept together after our second date, and we've never looked back since. Then again, that second date lasted a whole weekend together, so we got to get to know each other really well and grow very close over those three days...

    I guess it depends on the relationship between you - no matter when you sleep with him, if he likes you he'll stay around. And if he's only in it for the sex, he'll stay around as long as the sex is good or til a prettier girl comes along.


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    #26
    TomMorgan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13 ✭TomMorgan


    aye wrote: »
    so then the guy is pretty slutty too no?
    how many other ppl has the guy done it with?

    No, nobody really cares how many people the guy has slept with. That's just how it is. Don't hate the player, hate the game.


    aye wrote: »
    ...your saying a girl shouldnt sleep with someone on the first night cos its slutty, but a guy can do it no bother, essentially saying that yes sex is something that women gift to men.

    again, i'm not saying that she shouldn't. i'm just saying why some guys are bothered by it. i hate the whole double standard thing.


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    #27
    Mmmm_Lemony
    Registered Users Posts: 891 ✭✭✭Mmmm_Lemony


    Unreg2009 wrote: »
    Hi OP here again

    Just interested in this response as its from a guys perspective... OK so 2months before having sex, so what was acceptable to do in those 2months without going too far? How intimate is being intimate without going too far? I'm 28 so its not like we are kids, i love lying in bed with him but just not in "that place" for sex just yet

    At 28, 2 months is way too long, and I imagine that would push any bloke I know away. If he's 28 and still with you after 2 'weeks' then he's not looking for a one nighter.

    Having said that, its your decision, and dont do anything you dont want to or feel ready to.

    Slightly off topic; I'm a bloke and I would have a much better chance to get to know someone if they made me wait, than by having sex on the first date. I may decide they are not my type after a one nighter but if I havent slept with them Im much more likely to be a bit more tolerant and interested...


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    #28
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    If he is genuinely interested in having more than a fling then he wont mind waiting.Simple as that.


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    #29
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    nedtheshed wrote: »
    If he is genuinely interested in having more than a fling then he wont mind waiting.Simple as that.

    You don't have to tell him that he's on a two month cycle but I think I'd have no problem waiting if I thought it was going to be something really good.


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    #30
    Mmmm_Lemony
    Registered Users Posts: 891 ✭✭✭Mmmm_Lemony


    Sex is a very important part of a relationship, and to figure out whether a relationship is going to work you are eventually going to have to have sex.

    Waiting 2 months is ridiculous in my opinion, 2 weeks is more than adequate to filter out the one nighters.


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