4 yr old daughter bit a boy advice please!

galwaygirleen

Bit of background im expecting 2nd child in September we told our daughter very early on to get her used to the idea, shes very happy bout it and always asking questions.

This week I noticed a real change in her behaviour she has become very defiant has become a battle and very frustrating for all of us.
I noticed her talking about a lil girl in school constantly who when im there in the morning have seen her acting up the same way as my lil one is this week I know there have been some problems with her too but of course wouldnt ever infulence my daughter on who she should play with.

I had a chat with the montessori teacher and asked them to keep an eye on her as i noticed the change in her and didnt like the way it was heading so really praised my lil one when she was good and when she was bold tried not to make a big deal out of anything and talk to her calmy and explain right from wrong to her.

Picked her up today and her teacher called me in said she bit another boy on his shoulder thank god she didnt leave a mark but the poor boy was of course upset. They had been playing together and she wanted something he had and he said no and she then bit him. They explained to her that this wasnt nice and she apologised to the teacher and the lil boy and then to me when the teacher had told her to.

Got to the car my mam asked her why she did it and she just said cos ! i told her i was upset and dissapointed and she said that she was sorry and wont do it again. I explained to her when she was little she too was bitten and was very upset by what had happened, she then said that she was pushed and punched in the face by another little girl, I dont know if this is true or not cos there was no mention of it from the teachers.

Really upset by this, just want my lil one to be happy and enjoy playing and school. Can anyone offer any advice ? Sorry post is so long just needed to get it all out !

seanybiker

At her age i wouldnt be worried about it to be honest. She knows she was wrong for giving the little dude a hickey. It would be a lot worse if she didnt realise she was wrong.
All kids do wear their parents heads at some stage. Everything will be grand.
Sorry i cant give any advice but it does depend on the child.

killwill

Hey OP, I would not be too concerned. All you can do is teach her right from wrong as you are doing and hopefully she will turn around again. Kids will be kids.

Crea

Galwaygirleen,
If it's any consolation my daughter bit her montessori teacher a few weeks ago (well they do say misery loves company). She is also strong willed but this is just them asserting their personality and testing authority. Keep up with the praising good behaviour and explaining the bad, just don't dwell on the bad in case she relates bad behaviour to more talk time with mammy.
It's just a bad time for you cause you are prob wrecked with being pg and worried cause she's your first. Keeping calm is my key piece of advice as kids will reflect your behaviour.

galwaygirleen

Thanks everyone for the replies a bit of a relief reading them, have decided not to dwell on it with her cos I think it would just upset both of us more.

Her dad just said kids will be kids that they all go through it at some stage. I just thought it happened at an earlier stage than 4! I was also told today u can have terrible 2's and awful 4's so suppose theres some truth in it!!

irishgrover

Hi Galwaygirleen,

I have four daughters, (6 and under). At various times the 4 and 6 year olds have made me been with pride and made me consider that I most the the most fantastic children in the whole wide world :-) and at other times I have been genuinely disappointed and shocked at their behavior.
I would agree with the other posts that you should not really worry about your kids acting out now and again. But to be honest when one of mine does something behavior wise which I feel is seriously unacceptable, hitting, biting, bullying etc I always make a point of specifically punishing them for it and ensuring that they associate the punishment with the action that caused it.
Normally I will sit down with them calmly, and normally on our own, without distraction and explain that although they are a very good girl normally, and I love them very much, what they did was wrong and that because of it they will be punished. The punishment could range from 5 minutes on a step, to no bedtime story, to no TV or no going outside for a day or two, or removal of a favorite toy etc. I will always try to ensure that the punishment is explicit, simple and easy to understand from the child's viewpoint and is well defined.
From my point of view, a child as they grow and learn will always very naturally attempt to identify (and push) their behavioral boundaries at any opportunity. One of my roles as a parent is to ID when they have clearly overstepped that boundary and try to 'educate' them into understanding that they cannot do that.
Please understand that I'm not advising you to do anything, just sharing what I do

In your specific case, there could be any number of things that caused your daughter to bite the other child. He may have taken something off her, or been taunting him, or generally annoying the sh!te out of her! Instead of biting him, she may have shouted at him, or shoved or pushed him, or grabbed something (back) from him or whatever. However instead she bit him, probably because it was an opportunistic reaction. Maybe he had taken something off her and then thinking he had 'won' the situation, turned his back on your daughter... and she is sitting there, annoyed and angry, and there he is with his back turned and his shoulder just offering itself .... in that kind of situation you could hardly blame her

Anyway my very long winded point is that your daughter probably is not old enough to differentiate between somewhat questionable and completely inappropriate behavior, so you may need to educate her.... (again not that I'm implying for a minute that you are not already doing that)

....finally if it makes you feel any better, this incident will feel very trivial when compared to the first time she screams at you "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you", but that's probably another couple of years down the line :eek:

..all the best with you your daughter and your pregnancy

galwaygirleen

Thanks Irishgrover, yeah i get what you are saying i do agree with you in associating the punishment but after she saw how upset I was, was nearly punishment enough for her! Shes been a doll all day and we had a good chat at bedtime so I think its just been a tough frustrating week for her so please good this run of bad behaviour has come to an end !

Banrion

I know youre worried but I really think its ok. The problem would be if this behaviour was consistent. Which it isnt. You said yourself your reaction was punishment enough.
Keep an eye on things. Watch out for that comment....other children hitting her. Ask her everyday how her day went. Keep in touch with teachers.
Good luck