What are your opinions on jealousy?

MonicaBing

Have been battling the bloody green eyed monster for a few months now and it's my first time dealing with the boll*x, have you guys any suggestions on how to conquer it?

Am an independent smart, sassy gal in her 30's in a long distance, but strong, loving relationship and its pishing the hell out of me as im not used to this feeling...

(He finds it amusing which annoys me even more about it!):o:o

star-pants

Are you saying you feel jealous when you're not around him or ?

MonicaBing

Arrggh, see i'm even embarrassed writing this because i know its unwarranted and unreasonable! Anyway here goes, he has an ex f**k buddy and she knows him longer than me. They travelled together and he told her about me, and how serious it was etc, but they always got it together when they travelled together before and he thinks that maybe she didn't believe him this time as she still made the moves..he politely told her no and again why and she was shocked as she presumed he would still be with her and not tell me...

So he tells me anyway about the moves, which should prove to me alone how much i can trust him...But she reg contacts him via a social network site and all her msgs seem to be throwaway references to their past adventures and slightly intimate stuff that happened between them, she's recently posted pics pf them together and commented quite personally on each pic..

She knows im on his site as im his ''other half'', so she knows i can see these comments...I know im being completely irrational here and im not allowing it to interfere with us, only u guys knows my feelings, but i cant seem to get past the fact that she's giving me the 2 fingers!

Stheno

MonicaBing wrote: »

She knows im on his site as im his ''other half'', so she knows i can see these comments...I know im being completely irrational here and im not allowing it to interfere with us, only u guys knows my feelings, but i cant seem to get past the fact that she's giving me the 2 fingers!

You are being irrational tbh.

You need to trust in your relationship, and just give two fingers back to the silly girl who is successfully winding you up

If you trust your OH then you've no issues imo.

MonicaBing

nouggatti wrote: »

You are being irrational tbh.

You need to trust in your relationship, and just give two fingers back to the silly girl who is successfully winding you up

If you trust your OH then you've no issues imo.

I KNOW!!! its sound's ridiculously petty in comparison to other people's problems, but having not dealt with it before, it kinda side-swiped me tbh!

Thank you Nougatti..:o

star-pants

I would be fairly annoyed at this ex of his. She's over stepping the mark big time, she knows exactly what she's doing and is trying to get to you. (which would work with any of us!) But your OH has explained this all to you and has told you about her trying it on etc. So if you trust him, then you'll bug this girl more by not rising to her bait.
Ignore any comments etc made by her, trust me she'll just get annoyed that you're not responding to her childishness.

lolli

hi op,

Some girls kick out if winding other peoples girlfriends up. It annoys me at the amount of people who will try it on with someone knowing that they are in a relationship.

Your boyfriend is being honest to you and telling you what this girl is doing. As long as you trust him there should be no issue. Just ignore her and hope that she'll get bored. I can understand where your coming though.

bubblewrap

Yes at least he is telling you this because if you found anything out through her that he never made you aware of, you will be thinking something is going on whereas he knows what she is playing at and is making you aware to stop any misunderstandings.

Why can't he just tell her once and for all to back off? Looks like she isn't getting his present hints.

Don't get jealous, he is with you, she is an ex...for a reason.

I know how horrible it is to get jealous, I am terrible for it but at the moment I am working on it by thinking well if he really does prefer X to me then so what, nothing I can do, I just do my very best to be confident within myself and not compare myself to others because there is only one of me and I am special, if my man doesn't appreciate it then someone else will.

shellyboo

Just ignore it, MonicaBing. The minute she knows she's getting to you is the minute she's won - just be totally oblivious. Your bf's not doing anything wrong, don't let his ex affect your relationship with him.

Your realtionship is about you and your bf, not about his ex. And the more you ignore her childish behaviour and just get on with being happy with him, the more you'll realise that. Let her be the bitter and jealous one - it's more fun being the bigger person

prinz

If I was you I'd have no problem telling my OH to have a quiet word with her to knock-it on the head. Basically whether it's intentional or not she's interfering with your relationship with your fella, end of. Put a stop to it. I wouldn't have that going on affecting how I view my other half or making me feel jealous (with reason or without). She's being unfair and selfish, and part of me suspects your fella actually quite enjoys her attention and your reaction to it. i know a guy like that, he goes out of his way to have his current gf's interact with his ex's, via social networking sites, getting text messages that he then doesnt show his gf, etc. He plays a game. It's crap.

There's no reason to stop him seeing his friend, but I would definitely draw the line somewhere. If she wants to chat and send him pics fine, but not in front of the whole net.

As for the rationality of what you're feeling. Well Monica Bing springs to mind. Hardly the most rational of role models :rolleyes:

Das Kitty

I wouldn't count this as jealousy at all tbh.

You're just pissed off at the neck of this girl.

Had a similar situation when I started up with my fella. The ex (who had dumped him) was none to pleased that he had moved on and used to beg him to leave me, spread rumours about how the two of them were together behind my back (pretty much impossible because we never got out of bed at the time!), went to his friends asking them to try to break us up! I hated her, I had no jealousy issues with my OH but I was soooo annoyed with this girl it was painful. In fairness my fella told her to Fupp off.

My advice is ignore her, and if you ever see her when you're together give your boyfriend a good squeeze and a nuzzle in front of her. Slightly evil but ever-so-satisfying.

Nevyn

MonicaBing wrote: »

I KNOW!!! its sound's ridiculously petty in comparison to other people's problems, but having not dealt with it before, it kinda side-swiped me tbh!

Thank you Nougatti..:o

The joys and perils of social networking sites.

MonicaBing he's with you, that is what counts.
Don't go looking at that stuff, really it's hassle you don't need.

There is nothing worse then logging in to a place and finding yourself
confronted with the goings on of an ex of your partner or the current of an ex
you end up with far to much information which you don't need.

Yes he has a past but that is what it is the past and let her spin her wheels
the only person she is making a show of is her self but have a talk
with your bf about finding away to cut down on how much info about
him and your relationship which she has access to.

It could well be that reading his stuff about how happy he is with you is
upsetting to her for what reasons and so you are seeing her reaction to that.
Yes she needs to not be flaunting her past with him at you but he/you also
don't need to be even seeming to be rubbing his current relationship in her face.

An Ex is ex for a reason, he has moved on he's with you, all you can do is
take steps to lessen her impact on you and you on her.

cantdecide

From a males perspective, female jealousy can be quite funny. It generally has a lesser effect on men IME. It's something that I've observed that if you're seen talking to a stunner, all the other girls start sniffing around...

I once had a friend who I had feelings for a for a while but she turned me down and we remained friends. She had a friend who I found to be deliberately irritating and I didn't like her. After some time, I decided I'd better be nice to her because of our mutual friend.

At our mutual friends' birthday bash, I ended up having a big chat with the irritating girl, just to be friendly and diplomatic. I suppose we appeared to get along quite well. My friend was very upset with me- it transpired she was very jealous because she thought I was chatting her up.

Trust me, what your BFs ex is doing is probably going straight over his head. At least, he probably finds it amusing so don't be insecure. Talk to him about it.

LegacyUser

I had a similar problem recently, except it was not his ex it was friend of his. (she was txting him flirty txts), i told my bf that this annoyed me and he said he was not encouraging them, we were out last weekend and she was there, I spoke to her briefly but when i did i was as nice as pie to her, (these girls love winding people up so i wouldnt give her the satisfaction of being impolite) told her she looked great, enjoy your night etc,,,, now up to this point my bf had always thought she was a lovely friendly girl, however by the end of the night his opinion of her had greatly changed, as when we got home he told me he couldnt believe what a b**ch she was... dont ask me what brought this change on - (dont know, dont want to either) but whatever she did during the night really pi**ed him off.. generally these peoples true colours are shown and your bf will realise what a dangerous person this girl is,, yes you are jealous but if there is one piece of advise i can give you its not to show it in front of her,,

best of luck

small

Sounds like you can trust your boyf OP...though it does seem like she's giving you the two fingers alright (lovely choice of expression btw). Unfortunately the only thing you can do is ignore, as mentioned before any sort of ackowledgement to her is only giving her what she wants. Might be worth pointing out to him though, that she's not exactly being a great friend by screwing with his girlfriend like that.

I just don't get why some chicks do this.....it's totally toxic.

MonicaBing

Ah lads thanks a million for all the responses...and especially the ones from the guys!! Im glad out to know im not being an irrational wench when it comes to this gal....and have taken all of your advice duly on board and will be utilising it....

Oh and Prinz, im trying to convince myself my username is for my ocd for cleaning and not being irrational!! But she did get her man in the end?!:D

joanbrent

I think everyone has a tiny bit of jealousy. Excessive jealousy ruins relationships. I’m learning to control my emotions and confront my fears and suspicions in a rational manner. I had come across an interesting opinion poll on ‘Jealousy can kill a relationship’, and some 97% voters agreeing to it.

SarahSassy

Listen she was only ever his ****buddy and never got past this title, you are his serious girlfriend and you have nothing to worry about...

She is trying to rise you and cause trouble but dont let it happen...

Mind you, if you trusted him you would not be jealous????