Problems with a Male Friend

LegacyUser

Im having a bit of a dilemma.
I have a good friend, im female he is male, im late 20s he early 30s. We have been friends for about 6-7 years and for past 3 years probably would have been close enough that we talked about everything and nearly everyday for that matter. Approx 6 weeks ago he started acting a bit weird with me like not replying to my texts or when id say i was calling over he would say he was going to the gym, or ending the phone call after a few minutes whereas we would normally talk for ages. Anyway about past three weeks he just stopped answering them altogether, if i ring he hangs up. I have no idea what i have done. My friend said she saw him last Sunday nite with another girl in a night club and they looked very cosy. Anyway last night i text him saying i was very annoyed at been treated like this and that if he didnt was us staying friends he should at least have the decency to tell me. He replied telling me i was fu@king nuts and to just leave him alone that he was fed up with my childish carryone. I have no idea where that came from or what to do, do i just sit back and hope he calls me, do i move on. If so how can he just cut me out of his life after all this time. Is that something men can do?

wasper

If he doesn't want to contact you, then just leave it at that. He might be going out with a jealous girl that he he cares about & doesn't want to jeopardise it.

UrbanSea

This sounds like he is just bein very selfish. Has he done this to anyone else during the course of your friendship?
If it were me i'd send one more text asking him to outline what it is exactly what you have done,as ye seem to have been very good friends,and you cant just turn on someone over night like that. If that doesnt work than perhaps its best to try and move on no matter how hard it is.

Karlusss

wasper wrote: »

If he doesn't want to contact you, then just leave it at that. He might be going out with a jealous girl that he he cares about & doesn't want to jeopardise it.

This.

eden_my_ass

Is it possible that hes been one of these guys stuck in the "friend zone" as people often suggest here, and is trying to break free of his addiction to being so close a friend? It seems that if he was in that situation, and had a sudden eureka moment where he realised there was nothing more than friendship there he might have reacted in a whiplash fashion wanting nothing to do with you and finally hooking up with someone....just a possibility, but doesn't explain his rudeness or aggressive response, unless he feels you're aware of some feelings and are messing with his head (again I might be guessing too much, you should know the relationship between ye better)

clones1980

wasper wrote: »

If he doesn't want to contact you, then just leave it at that. He might be going out with a jealous girl that he he cares about & doesn't want to jeopardise it.

That is no reason to stop speaking to someone you have been friends with for years. What if this "jealous girl and him" don't work out, then what, does he think then its ok to pick up the phone and starting ringing the op again. I think not

Move on doll, move on quick. And should he contact you again i wouldn't bother answering and if he persists send him back that last text he sent you.

jim o doom

Have you always just been "good friends"? or was there ever anything more to it?
And if there wasn't - was there any chance that one of the two of you may have been harbouring feelings for the other..
in either direction, him for you or you for him?

The suggestion he is with a jealous new girl is of course a possibility - but there could be something that altered your relationship with each other - or even his perception of it..

Any possibility he had feelings of unrequited love for you and got over them recently and cut contact as a symptom of it? - this is just a suggestion as it's hard to guess without more background info!

LegacyUser

eden_my_ass wrote: »

, unless he feels you're aware of some feelings and are messing with his head (again I might be guessing too much, you should know the relationship between ye better)

No it would be other way around if anything.

LegacyUser

jim o doom wrote: »

Have you always just been "good friends"? or was there ever anything more to it?
And if there wasn't - was there any chance that one of the two of you may have been harbouring feelings for the other..
in either direction, him for you or you for him?

The suggestion he is with a jealous new girl is of course a possibility - but there could be something that altered your relationship with each other - or even his perception of it..

Any possibility he had feelings of unrequited love for you and got over them recently and cut contact as a symptom of it? - this is just a suggestion as it's hard to guess without more background info!

I def would have had feelings for him, but he has known about that a long time. He told me no so i just accepted that. It was him that initiated most of the contact between us so i cant understand now why things have changed.

eden_my_ass

My next theory - Is it possible then that in the blindness of your underlying feelings for him, you've perhaps overstepped the line and become akin to his stalker. Hard to self diagnose but try to take a step back and see if from his point of view you were getting more and more clingy and attempting to become a girlfriend by proxy?

LegacyUser

eden_my_ass wrote: »

My next theory - Is it possible then that in the blindness of your underlying feelings for him, you've perhaps overstepped the line and become akin to his stalker. Hard to self diagnose but try to take a step back and see if from his point of view you were getting more and more clingy and attempting to become a girlfriend by proxy?

I def dont think so. I was very aware of that so i would mostly have always waited for him to ring me or text me first or id wait for him to say wanna meet up for a drink or whatever. It was only when i han not heard from him in way longer than normal that i contacted him.

Craft25

^^yes.. you cant expect him to be the same if he has a girlfriend.. i mean you said you would talk for a few minutes on the phone, and then he would try to end the call - you obviously showed your displeasure at his new way of being with you!

Even if his new girl was the most open and patient you cant expect him to rabbit on to you for hours, while she's there beside him - you know what the early days are like they probably wanna be all over each other!

OK. he should still be a nice guy and remain your friend - but to me it seems like he tried that already.

He will become your friend again when you finally accept that his no meant no!
If you are honest with yourself you hung around him in the hope you could change his mind and become his girl by stealth. Think of all the potential boyfriends you missed out on meeting in that time!!

He should have told you himself about the new girlfriend though, that's the only wierd part.

eden_my_ass

I'm out of theories so I'll just have to agree with the above, nothing unusual at all, except that his behaviour is about 15 years behind his age.

Mensch Maschine

He might be going out with a jealous girl that he he cares about & doesn't want to jeopardise it

That's what it is.

RacoonQueen

wasper wrote: »

If he doesn't want to contact you, then just leave it at that. He might be going out with a jealous girl that he he cares about & doesn't want to jeopardise it.

My thoughts exactly. But, you know what they say, mates before dates.