What can I do?

LegacyUser

hi all
looking for some advise on this one.
right story goes, met my bf through work
and have been together now 2 years
the issue well dont know how to describe it really
he has two kids from a previous relationship
which he sees on a daily basis.
the kids themselves are not the issue here its just i have never met them
i have asked on numerous occasions as to when i can meet them etc
and the answer being mostly that he doesnt want them to get hurt
if anything should go wrong between us.wtf...
no relationship i can see is set in stone,
his relationship with his ex is fairly ok although i do
think she takes him for a ride at the best of times.

i brought up the subject again at christmas as it is really beginning
to get me down and he said that he would "sort it"
no change so far,
like when he does talk about them he tells me about what they get up to
etc and how funny they are, how am i meant to feel
if i havent met them!!
i have met his sisters and brother but not his parents
although they know about me.
lots of family things i have missed and that are
coming up but i cant go cos the girls will be there.
how do i approach him on this once and for all???
we get on amazing apart from this and i know
that if i had kids i would want my partner to meet them...
thanks in advance guys
i can say for myself

cantdecide

I'd just come out with it.

"It really hurts me that you won't let me meet your children. Am I supposed to be happy that I'm in a stable relationship if you won't?"

UrbanSea

fed up lass wrote: »

the answer being mostly that he doesnt want them to get hurt
if anything should go wrong between us.wtf...

This sounds like a lack of commitment.
Perhaps he thinks that hiding you from his kids means that he doesnt want to 'scare them' by daddy being taken away from his new girlfriend.
Get serious with him.Do what the poster above has mentioned.Outline how upset you feel that he cannot introduce you into such a huge part of his life,his children.Also after two years it is time enough you met his parents,they are in the country are they?
Talk to him seriously about bringing you to an upcoming family event,and hopefully you'll make a great impression on his kids and family.
The best of luck:)

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I really sympathize with you. It’s not easy to feel left out of your partner’s life!

What age are his kids? Do you live with him? Have you discussed the future? Why has he not introduced you to his parents?

My partner has a 4 year old daughter who I have started to see regularly (last six months). This came about as we had decided that we wanted to move in together/get married in the next year or so.

I was introduced to her as Daddy's friend as we felt it would be easier for all parties if she was allowed to grow accustom to having me around. This has meant a lot less pressure and we actually get on like a house on fire now. She quickly copped on that I was more than her daddy's friend but that didn't matter as she isn't bothered!

I think there are so many factors involved in this type of decision.
Each case is different.
You need to sit down with your partner and discuss the pros and cons. Explain how you feel and let him explain his fears to you. You need to understand that as a parent no matter how much he loves you his children will always come first no exceptions. On the other hand he needs to respect your relationship.


Good Luck

LegacyUser

Op - I'm in the same situation only I've met the kids and his family. Love his family get on really well with his mam and dad but his two girls hate me. He hasn't told them that we are 'boyfriend/girlfriend' but they aint stupid and they play it up.

It is incredibly difficult and unless you are a strong person with a thick skin... get out.... relationships are hard enough without the added stress and strain of kids. I'm in the process of thinking it out but I'm beginning to think the easier option.

i know its not what you want to hear op but you know the saying " A new broom sweeps clean' and it may be fine now and you think you can handle it but they will come first.

Its tough. Best of luck though x x x x

Gyalist

I suspect that it is nothing to do with his kids reaction but that he's trying to keep his ex onside - especially if she hasn't moved on into another relationship.
He probably fears that if his ex is aware of you and that the kids have met you, that his access to his kids will be cut.

Salome

I'm going to be devil's advocate here - perhaps he hasn't introduced to you the children as he might not want to confuse them - he doesn't see himself committing to you so there's no point in bringing a new person into their lives who might not be around too long? He'll only introduce you if he's sure you will be their new step-mum. At the moment, he's not sure.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies
like cant decide said i did tell him even before christmas
how hurt i was not being able to meet his girls,(8, 10)
yes his parents are near enough and dont know why
ive never gotten to meet them either
we moved in together last june and he did say it
to the ex who went off her rocker, generally being a
pure b****, lasted bout two months and levelled off
he did sat once that to give it a month or two and see
how we get on living together first before meeting them
i thought what did it have to do with her really, there just seems to
be no real drive there at all , he just keeps saying
i know baby......

LegacyUser

cantdecide wrote: »

I'd just come out with it.

"It really hurts me that you won't let me meet your children. Am I supposed to be happy that I'm in a stable relationship if you won't?"

used cantdecides quote to himself last night and the answer i got
was you will just dont be "at me"
hes gone m=now for the day to his sisters house with the girls
and me im at home again.
feel like im fighting a losing battle here,
made up my mind to give it just another three months
and if i havent met them then i am calling it a day
because this is just not right in my opinion..
am i right in doing this???

Victor

Hi, fed up lass, to be fair on other users (some have reading difficulties) could I ask you to take some time to use proper sentences and paragraphs.

But post away.

cantdecide

errr.. I'd hoped that he was simply being a lazy f****r and lighting a fire under his arse would make him do the right thing. I myself feel now that you should ask yourself if you think the two of you want the same things at this stage. It's possible that moving in together was supposed to be a catalyst that to him hasn't worked.

The last two years, in the eyes of his children has been an eternity and they aren't exactly toddlers. I just think that the question is 'if not now- when?'.

Would you consider showing him this thread??