Am I being too possessive?

LegacyUser

Hey,

On the surface everything is great with my girlfriend. We see each other, see out friends. We tell each other we love each other and generally are happy together.

She is just back from a 10 day holiday with her girlfriends and has now decided to go on another weeks holiday in a few weeks time. She works an awful lot so I barely get to see her as it is. We spent a good bit of time together at the weekend and now I won't see her at all this week as she is working loads. I'll likely see her maybe two or three times between now and her next week away. So by the end of this month I'll have seen her approximately 5 - 6 times, certainly not much more than that. We've been together nearly 9 months now and I feel like a good relationship would have more....

The thing is now I feel like I'm nowhere near the top of her list of priorities now and I'm starting to wonder if I'm wasting my time with her. Am I over reacting?


Thanks.

puglover

9 months isn't a very long time, and people move at different paces. It's not unusual that you wouldn't both be at the same place.

Maybe you should try talking to her, tell her you would like to see more of her, maybe go on a holiday together. IMO 5-6 times a month is fairly ok too so I wouldn't be worried.

LegacyUser

puglover wrote: »

9 months isn't a very long time, and people move at different paces. It's not unusual that you wouldn't both be at the same place.

Maybe you should try talking to her, tell her you would like to see more of her, maybe go on a holiday together. IMO 5-6 times a month is fairly ok too so I wouldn't be worried.

Yea I suppose. She was the one who started the "I love you" thing. But she also has told me before that it takes her time to let people in.

I have a tendency to over think things and can get insecure about my relationships (with friends too, I tend to worry a lot about things)

I haven't said anything to her about this at all, and wanted to see if I'm being neurotic again before I say anything at all about it.

puglover

No you're definitely not, but just don't come on too strong. I'm sure it's all fine, we can all be capable of rushing ahead where matters of the heart are concerned, relax & take it easy. what will be, will be :pac:

LegacyUser

puglover wrote: »

No you're definitely not, but just don't come on too strong. I'm sure it's all fine, we can all be capable of rushing ahead where matters of the heart are concerned, relax & take it easy. what will be, will be :pac:

It's just that I feel like she isn't that motivated to see me if she's planning all of this time away from me in between long shifts of work where I won't see her at all. I know I may be rushing ahead of myself but I just want to see her more than every few weeks. She's been planning all of her summer holidays around doing things with her girlfriends oo and by the looks of it she'll be gone around 4 weeks with them but she said: "I'll keep a week for you too" which is good except that I only have a week or 2 to take and now I'm thinking that if she's going to go away with her friends as often as she plans then I'm going to go away with mine in my 2 weeks off.

star-pants

OP I can understand you feeling a little left out, but some of these plans may have been semi talked about from ages ago?
There's no point taking the attitude of 'well if she's going away with friends then I will too'. That's not productive hun. She wants to spend time with her friends, as you said she works long hours and is trying to see you inbetween. So she doesn't want to fall out with her friends either. She does make an effort to see you, as well as her friends. She also has said she'll have a week for you too - ok some people may read that as 'gee thanks, a whole week' but it is only 9 months and she has to share her time.

I would suggest not to worry, she's still with you, says she loves you and does try to spend time with you. You said she finds it hard to let people in, maybe she doesn't want to make too many longterm plans as she might be afraid of tempting fate.
You can start planning your week together, or seeing if ye can get a night away before then.

LegacyUser

star-pants wrote: »

OP I can understand you feeling a little left out, but some of these plans may have been semi talked about from ages ago?
There's no point taking the attitude of 'well if she's going away with friends then I will too'. That's not productive hun. She wants to spend time with her friends, as you said she works long hours and is trying to see you inbetween. So she doesn't want to fall out with her friends either. She does make an effort to see you, as well as her friends. She also has said she'll have a week for you too - ok some people may read that as 'gee thanks, a whole week' but it is only 9 months and she has to share her time.

I would suggest not to worry, she's still with you, says she loves you and does try to spend time with you. You said she finds it hard to let people in, maybe she doesn't want to make too many longterm plans as she might be afraid of tempting fate.
You can start planning your week together, or seeing if ye can get a night away before then.

OP here. I've been thinking about this a lot the last few days but haven't been online to write back. I can understand what you mean about not wanting to fall out with her friends, I said to her at the start of the relationship that I didn't want us to be one of those couples that never see their friends because they become really clingy with eac other. I told her I wanted balance. But presently I feel like I'm living in the reverse of this. I feel like she barely sees me whereas she goes out of her way with her friends. Don't get me wrong, I love her friends, I WANT her to keep her friends. But she's just back from a 10 day holiday with them, she's now oing away for 7 more days with them, and in between she's working a whole load so I have barely really seen her. I just feel undervalued and under appreciated. I go out of my way to see her, I turn down nights out with friends because if I don't see her that night I won't see her for a few more days, and I don't feel like I'm getting the same back.

I'm not going to see her properly until next Tuesday or Wednesday so I have some time o think about what I am going to say to her but I feel like I have no choice but to say this to her because I'm a firm believer that if you have a problem in a relationship you have to speak up because otherwise the relationship will fail in the long run. My main problem is communicating my feelings to her without sounding bossy, possessive or clingy.

Also, we've been going out for 9 months but we've known eac other a lot longer so it's not as muc of a fledgling relationship as some here thought.

I'd realy appreciate some more thoughts on this.

LegacyUser

OP again,

Just to ad to the above post, she's goin back, it's now just her and her single friend. ow that could annoy me but I chose to trust her so not much I an do, I have to keep trusting her despite her friend constantly going on about hat a great amount of men were in the place they went to. They had a "great time" while they were away hanging out with a load of randomers. Now I trust her and don't worry about whether said randomers were male or female, I'm not worried about that, but what's been getting me is that she seems happier to go back and do that than spend any time with me. I'm worried she may find me boring. It's just annoying when she wants to go away with her friend who's more than likely going to be going off with lads leaving her on her own hanging out with strangers, instead of even suggesting that we do anything together.