Anyone else get annoyed by this?

People who offer to do you a favour, only to a) not do it or b) do it so late that it's of no use anymore? And why do these people always act shocked when you're not eternally grateful and kissing their feet? Why do these people not realise that by not keeping their word, they've created a problem for you that didn't exist before?

Example A - I needed to copy some pages for a class I teach. Was about to go into town and do it when colleague offered to do it as he could do it cheaply. I said it was grand as I needed them the next morning, he said "no problem, they'll be here." Of course I go in and they're not there, so all in a panic I now need to find new material for my class in only 5 minutes. Copying them myself would have been a slight inconvenience compared to the major one it became when I was let down.

Example B - I needed to go to another town to meet a friend. Planned to take a train but when I mentioned it to someone, they said they could give me a lift. I asked if they were sure they didn't mind, that taking the train was no hassle, 'no problem' they said. They were 3 hours late picking me up, so late that by the time I got to the place I hardly had any time there. Had to call friend and rearrange the time to meet, and my day was pretty much ruined. And of course if I'd said anything, it would have been 'ungrateful.'

Why on earth do people offer to do things if they're not going to do them? Why not just not offer in the first place? It's easy to say you'll help someone out, but doing it is obviously more effort! It's SO annoying! And so many people seem to do it :eek:

starflake

Keep that attitude up and you'll never ever have to worry about anyone offering you anything ever again

Turd Ferguson

Next time thay offer to do something say "Nah, you were a c*nt the last time and f*cked me over royally so you can go and **** the **** off your **** ***** and ****** with a melon"

dr.bollocko

Ah starflake why didnt you just copy the sheets like you said you would?

starflake

MAybe people just Really dislike you :P

Keep that attitude up and you'll never ever have to worry about anyone offering you anything ever again

You're obviously one of these people, so. What exactly is 'kind' about offering someone something and not doing it, so screwing them over? I could offer the sun, moon and stars but I won't unless I'm sure I can deliver. Why is it considered fine to let people down just because you offered to do them a favour they didn't ask for?

starflake

yes. It's fun to mess with people.. sure you're the main thing on their minds all the time and both of their worlds revolve around you :P how dare they be late

TPD

I agree OP, annoys the hell out of me.

Communicationb

I take the attitude that people will only let you down so it is best not to rely on anyone..works great for me..I have such low expectations of people that I never get let down.:)

Latchy

People are unreliable , it's a fact .

UnderpantsGnome

Yes, but, everything annoys me.

Nolanger

Serves you right - most people are idiots and untrustworthy - 'bout time you found that out. Run along now ...

yes. It's fun to mess with people.. sure you're the main thing on their minds all the time and both of their worlds revolve around you how dare they be late

I was always told not to make promises I couldn't keep. If I offer to do something for someone, I make damn sure I can do it bar an emergency. I don't wreck their plans because 'something came up' for me. That would be selfish. If I'm not sure I can do it, I don't offer. Not overly difficult.

starflake

God, this has really gotten to you hasn't it? Yeah I have to agree with others here. there's very few trustworthy people out there and you really do have to do it yourself if you want something done right. I guess in future.. just say no thanks and do it yourself.. people mean best but it doesn't always work out

banshee_bones

OP i know *exactly* what you mean and it bugs the hell out of me.

Example:

Asked a former lecturer to supply me with a reference to a major university in another country. In fact i need three references. The other two did it straight away, one had a techical problem, emailed me about it and we sorted it out.
The third lecturer,waited so long that when I checked my application status and it said the submission deadline has passed! So i rang said same lecturer to tell him how he had let me down and he swore hed do it the next morning. A week goes by and he STILL hasnt done it!
I had to get someone else. 20 days late and the institution fault ME for his incompetence!

WHY WHY say or promise to do things when you will just let the other person down?

rant over/

mickoneill30

starflake wrote: »

yes. It's fun to mess with people.. sure you're the main thing on their minds all the time and both of their worlds revolve around you :P how dare they be late

Their world doesn't have to revolve around the OP. It doesn't seem like a complicated concept to me. If I'm able to do someone a favour that fits in with their plans and doesn't cause me hassle I let them know. If it doesn't fit in with their plans then I don't offer it.

starflake

Meh... Only you yourself can scratch your back the right way IMHO

papillon66

That's why for important stuff only count on yourself even though people make an offer to help- At the end of the day it's your responsability not theirs-

Sometime people offer to help just to look nice..to check if you are a needy or a grounded...and most of the time they expect that you are going to say no

Got a friend who used to offer his help or give something jsut to be sure I will return it when he will need it(usually about a week)...not to say he isn't a friend anymore:rolleyes:

Don't blame them...blame yourself as sad as it sounds-only accept or ask when you don't have any other choice...or let them know that they will be your alternative if you can do it yourself-that's my rule and people will respect you more when you really need their help...just my 2cents:)

Melted M&M

Just say No and stand up for yourself

That's the thing though, I always say 'no you're grand' and people INSIST. Why do that if you can't follow through? Obviously so they can think 'oh I'm so nice' and when it comes down to actually doing the favour, just not bother. Words are meaningless without actions. People suck. :rolleyes:

Abi

[quote=[Deleted User];59375701]You're obviously one of these people, so. What exactly is 'kind' about offering someone something and not doing it, so screwing them over. [/QUOTE]That would the wänker variety Izzy.

It is unfortunate that the only way you can seperate these from trustworthy, is by process of elimination. You dont seem the sort to use expletives, but for the likes of these, I suggest you pick a few and prepare for use on the next offender.

If you find you are incapable of channelling your frustration as advised above; discover your creative side and inner bïtch by spreading vicious rumours about them over a coffee in the staff room.

Pyr0

Melted M&M wrote: »

Just say No and stand up for yourself

Stand up for herself ? If you actually read the post, the others involved insisted after her refusing then failed to do what they insisted to do ! Why are some people failing to realise that ?

masonman

Know exactly what you mean OP. Happens all the time. I'm sick of people offering favours on their terms where it can be more of an inconvience for me how they go about carrying it out if at all
In fairness, its difficult for people to have an appreciation as to how important something is to you ( Even if you try to stress it politely) so thats usually why people fail miserably at carrying out favours.
Have been in a position many times were I've felt compelled to agree and I'd be an ungrateful C*** if I did't. Generally, after being burned a couple of times - I'm careful what I say around certain people ( the Serial offenders) so they don't offer up a "favour" which I know is just gonna make life more difficult for me.

kelle

I know where you're coming from OP. I've been stung a few times, and if I offer to do somebody a favour I make sure I carry it out properly even though I have small children and would be more difficult for me. If something happens that I can't I would make sure I contact them to let them know.
One thing I've noticed about these people is that they would be down on you like a ton of bricks if you did the same to them!

seanybiker

TPD wrote: »

I agree, OP annoys the hell out of me.

Fixed that comma for ya.
Only messing. It doesnt annoy me because things can pop up for the other person

Overheal

whos giving out rainbow brite avatars all of a sudden?

MagicMarker

Man, that must be a shít school if it doesn't have a photocopier.

As for example B, after 30 minutes you should have just gone. WTF did you wait 3 hours for?

Big Wave

Bugs the HELL out of me! I feel your pain, OP - but I also rarely depend on anyone, except the few I know I can 100% trust not to let me down. It's the only way.

My solicitor is like this - he never gets back to me. When he eventually answers his phone (I bet he regrets ever giving me his mobile #), he says "sorry - I'll defo have it back to you after lunch today" - nothing....not even within the next week! WTF? Anything I need done with a solicitor has a deadline, FFS!
By the time he got back me on my last query (about my liability relating to a service charge on my old office building, which was charged to me while my lease had expired, so I was wondering whether I was liable to pay it at all, since I had no lease), I had actually settled on a fair fee with the landlord directly in the meantime - WTF??

Zangetsu

If you want something done right...

Man, that must be a shít school if it doesn't have a photocopier.

I'm freelance. I claim expenses for copies.

As for example B, after 30 minutes you should have just gone. WTF did you wait 3 hours for?

Right, because there's trains waiting at the station all ready for whenever you feel like hopping onto one. :rolleyes: I obviously missed the train I was planning to get, thinking I was getting a lift. I was waiting at home, so by the time I made my way to the station and waited for the next train, it would have been a couple of hours anyway. And these people usually have a habit of saying 'yeah I'm ALMOST there! I'll just be 20 minutes!'

starflake

Abigayle wrote: »

That would the wänker variety Izzy.

That's a bit harsh... I offered some advice later on in the thread... no need to call me names .... I'm not a wanker....

Degsy

I hate when people said "I did you a favour".
If they have to point out what a great favour it was it usually wasnt worth talking about.
If i do something for somebody that wasnt a straightforward swap i'd usually not mention it again and figure they can get me back in return.

I remeber a "mate" of mine "thought" he was doing me a favour by giving me a bolloxed mobile phone(this was years ago) and then insisting i but him a bout 200 quids worth of pints on the strength of that "favour".
Better to keep things on a business level or dont mention it again.

Abi

starflake wrote: »

That's a bit harsh... I offered some advice later on in the thread... no need to call me names .... I'm not a wanker....

Quit trolling.

mickoneill30

Abigayle wrote: »

Advice? So I see. Quit trolling.

What are you quoting me for? I was agreeing with the OP in my reply to Starflake.

Abi

mickoneill30 wrote: »

What are you quoting me for? I was agreeing with the OP in my reply to Starflake.

My post is edited Mick, copy / paste error.

Apologies

jim o doom

Yeah it's frustrating when someone says they will do something and then don't..
BUT people are fallible - they forget things or outside happenings influence their day and they cannot keep to their original schedule which included doing you a favour.. nobody is perfect.

Except perhaps the OP - it's nice to see that you took time out of your life of being perfect and never letting anyone down to post fun threads!

I'd say - if you NEED something done then do it yerself. simple as.

You do realise that not being an unreliable flake doesn't make you 'perfect'?
It's really not that hard to keep your word. At all. And if something comes up and you can't do it, it's not that hard to ring or text and say you can't do it.
I think the same people who make a balls of 'doing your a favour' are the same kind who arrive half an hour late to meet you, saying they got busy or some other feeble excuse. Like I had nothing better to do but stand and wait. Like they couldn't have called to let me know they were running late before I left the house. Just shows a total lack or respect for other peoples' time. And if you say anything you look like a narky cow. Flaky people suck! :rolleyes::P

Overheal

When people DO help you out and ARE of their word, what then? Pat on the back? Or do you actually take the time, shows some gratitude, maybe offer to pay them some gas money?

CuLT

Oh my well if they *insist* then that's it then! It's not like you have any free will or can politely insist yourself!

Trust people who don't let you down. If they do, it's for a genuine reason and you wouldn't hold it against them.

Pro Tip: People who are constantly unapologetically late / let you down all the time / aren't your friends, so why would you trust them? It shows the most fundamental lack of respect, and I don't understand how girls end up with so many of these "frenemies" in their social circle, but it is a consistently feminine trait.

Overheal

Overheal wrote: »

When people DO help you out and ARE of their word, what then? Pat on the back? Or do you actually take the time, shows some gratitude, maybe offer to pay them some gas money?

What exactly is your point here? Seems like you're making assumptions and judgements with absolutely no basis. But FYI, when people help me out I make sure to thank them multiple times, obviously offer money if it's a lift or they've had to spend money, and try to help them out whenever I can.

Oh my well if they *insist* then that's it then! It's not like you have any free will or can politely insist yourself!

Eh, when someone offers something several times, it looks very rude to turn it down. I totally understand someone offering something just to be polite and expecting I'll say no, which is why I always decline but some people are really persistant and give the impression they'll be offended if you don't accept. Like my Italian relatives offering food and cakes - you sort of HAVE to eat it after 4 or 5 offers, whether you're on a diet or not!

Pro Tip: People who are constantly unapologetically late / let you down all the time / aren't your friends, so why would you trust them? I

I don't. If a friend/acquaintance does this more than once or twice, I no longer really consider them a friend. I'd still hang out with them and go drinking but I wouldn't ever rely on them. This kind of situation really sorts out the flakes from the non-flakes. I have some friends who I know never go back on their word and vice versa. My ex got up at 5am and dug his car out of snow and spent about 3 hours trying to get to the airport so I wouldn't miss my flight. Once he said he'd get me there, he was determined to do so to the best of his ability. He never let me down once in two years (and vice versa), I know I'll always be able to rely on him and he knows the same.

thebman

CuLT wrote: »

Pro Tip: People who are constantly unapologetically late / let you down all the time / aren't your friends, so why would you trust them? It shows the most fundamental lack of respect, and I don't understand how girls end up with so many of these "frenemies" in their social circle, but it is a consistently feminine trait.

I'd say thats mostly because men blow a fuse and confront each other much easier than women who seem to prefer to talk about each other behind each others back or come up with other ways to get rid of their frustration.

At least that's what my 4th class primary school teacher who was a woman said and it seems to be a fairly accurate statement.