Confused. Just friends?

LegacyUser

I had become close friends, quickly with a guy. Everyone around us assumed we were more than friends and it felt like there was some sort of chemistry there. I was attracted to him but had just gone through a break up. If we were out for drinks with friends we would leave together, I would go back to his or go would go to mine. We would ring each other late at night just to talk etc. It was always him that took the initiative to ask me for a drink etc. It was all very innocent, bit of flirting but not much, etc. Nothing physical ever happened between us, apart from once I fell alsleep, we were both drunk, I woke up and he had his arms around me. I never brought this up with him, hoping he would think I wouldn't remember.Anyway things went on like this for weeks and I grew confused as I developed feelings for him. I told him I didn't think should go back to his place in future as I wanted to be more than friends. He gave me vague replies then later saying saying if we are just friends we will never have to lie to one another. I said I thought he feel the same as me, he said he didn't. Eventually our friendship went back to the way it was until my ex came back on the scene and I started seeing him again for a short while. Things ended with the ex. Since then the "friend" guy has been really distant...though we do still meet up. I don't miss my ex at all, though miss the friendship with the other guy. Part of me thinks, maybe he did like me and I find myself making excuses for the way he acts. Any advice would be helpful as I am so confused.

Otis Driftwood

It does sound like your friend was into you and when your ex appeared and you hooked up with him his(your friend)ego took a bit of a bashing.Personally speaking,bridging the gap between friendship and relationship can be tough.Ive been in similar situations once or twice and laid it on the line to the girl and ended up getting the "you are a great guy but I dont think of you like that" so have avoided doing it since.Some women are very affectionate and this can be confused as plain affection or affection affection.Its time to take the bull by the horns and tell him how you are feel.Explain that hooking back with your ex was out of comfort more than anything(or whatever the reason was)but that your feelings for him(ex) are totally platonic at this stage.The worst your friend can say is that he wants to stay as mates only.If he does at least you will know and all the wondering/uncertainty will be gone for you and you can move on!

TheZohanS

Ask him out, but make sure he knows that it is a date.

If he says no then leave it.

LegacyUser

Hi, thanks for the replies. I don't know how to ask him out and let him know its a date situation to be honest. When still see each other a few times a week, its with mutual friends sometimes but we do meet up on our own for drinks...so its not like I could just ask him on his own out for a drink and he'd get the hint. I wish I knew how to do it subtly. I'm not a big drink and quite shy around him. When the two of us meet for a drink, it literally is that we meet in a pub for a few hours, chat, then we go our separate ways. Before I got back with the ex, we would stay out with each other for the whole night, he would invite me back to his,etc but now nothing like that. I don't want to blurt everthing out to him as perhaps I am misreading everything wrong and he doesn't feel the same about me ( I don't want to lose him anymore than I already have I suppose). I did tell him I was developing feelings for him a few months ago but avoided talking about it since. I read that stupid book He's just not that into you and started to think that maybe that is all it is. Before that I used to tell myself, he is scared, he doesn't think I feel the same or I hurt him etc. Maybe I am in the friendship zone with him too long now.The only reason I still think about it all is..I have never felt this way about anyone.

Board Walker

im 100% sure he has feelings for ya, but he taught u didnt want anything because u had recently broke up with somone! which is why he said he didnt have feelings or what ever...... i'd get back in there if its not 2 late!

LegacyUser

Oh I don't know...bit more background...before me and this guy became friends I had broken up with the ex first time. I was really bitter and used to say things around him like I hate men (which I don't) and I never want to be with anyone again...but then we had about 4 weeks of seeing each other all the time and I really started to fall for him, then I told him how I felt...and as I mentioned before I got back with the ex a while after that again only to break up a few weeks later...I was so stupid to keep getting back with the ex. I keep thinking what if he did like me and it IS too late.

Diddler82

Has he tried to "score" anyone else when you are around or do both of you just go home together without any interest in a 3rd party?

Also, is he the loud outspoken type or is he a little shy and not the type to initiate anything? If he is shy well you could go on like this forever!

Some guys are afraid to take an ego bashing/too shy and will beat around the bush like that for an eternity, so you need to maybe gently push it out of him, ask him what type of girls he is into etc see if any of them traits relate to you etc


You just need to sound him out a bit more before you go for it completely but usually guys have an alterior motive to "Friendship" whether it is because he misses female company or whether he genuinely likes you is for you to figure out

Good luck!!

kevmy

If it's really killing you then you have to say/do something otherwise you will regret it.

I'd advise asking him on a proper date, say you want to have something with him but that if he doesn't want to go down this route thats fine with you as your friendship is more important than anything.

Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and say what you mean and mean what you say. No more euphemisms or hints. Just do it if you feel that strongly about him.

Mr. Incognito

Boy meets girl just out of relationship.

Boy likes girl.

Girl dumps relationship crap on boy.

Boy bides time for her to get over it.

Girl tells boy she likes him.

Boy thinks, give it some more time and see.

Girl gets back with ex.

Boy is glad he took time out or he would have gotten hurt. Girl appears flighty and emotionally all over shop.

Girls breaks up with ex again.

Girl comes sniffing round again. Boy thinks, give it time.

Girl tries to force issue.

Boy runs away.

To this guy, you basically slagged the crap out of your ex and then got back with him. Fella's don't respect that. We are black and white. If you liked him, you wouldn't have gotten back with the ex. I know it, he knows it and you know it. If you really like him, and aren't just looking for a rebound or emotional glove take time to rebuild the relationship. If that means hanging around in a group for a while. This guy seems to have his emotional chips in order. You, sadly do not.

If it's long term, you'll put in the effort. If you're an emotional sprite, well right now he's filtering that.

LegacyUser

He says all the time to people that he is shy although I would consider myself more so. He used to walk me home when I first knew him and I thought someone would happen but nothing ever did. We would literally have coffee if you know what I mean. He hasn't been with anyone that I know of since we first got to know each other and I haven't seen him flirting with anyone so I don't know what his type is and if I'm it...and yes I am emotionally all over the shop at the moment to say the least. In a way getting back with the ex was due to alcohol and rejection from the other guy:(

Mr. Incognito

In a way getting back with the ex was due to alcohol and rejection from the other guy

Bollox. Grow up. He didn't reject you he just didn't maul you and then treat you like crap. He sounds like a decent respectfull bloke, how bout you fess up for your actions. Acknowledge your mistakes and learn from them. If you want a future with this guy you can't fast-track it. You might have to put in a bit of work to gain his trust again. That takes time, and there is no short cut or quick fix for that. At least he hasn't cut you out of his social circle. If you like him. I suggest you leave all chat of ex's at home in future.

ManOfMystery

I'm afraid Mr InCognito has hit the nail on the head.

Surely it would have been much easier first day for you to simply tell him you like him and would like to go out on a proper 'date'? Rather than all this drama involving your ex and running back & forth etc. As already said, us guys are relatively simple and prefer it when you simply lay your cards on the table.

magick

yeah im going with Mr InCognito on this one, we dont like drama, just a simple "i like you, theirs no one else, now lets get it on".

LegacyUser

I know..it is all a total mess. I did not mean for the thing with my ex to happen how it did. We got back together for a few weeks which is pathetic. I used to see him alot as I worked with him and as I said drink was involved. I actually haven't drank in 2 months because of the situation

Wibbs

Ditto on Mr. Incognito's take.

Marina-anseo2

I know how you feel, I met a guy in October last year and we became friends straight away because our personalities just clicked. Many of my friends asked what was going on and wouldnt believe me when I said nothing. I would go out with him, go back to his, him come back to mine etc just like you but still nothing happened. This went on for months and we became closer and closer...he asked me out one night properly but by this time it had become an only friend thing for me so I said I think we're better off as friends....he was odd for a while but accepted it and everything went back to being comfortable but as I did orginally like him (and he knew that he was just too shy to say anything) he became more flirty and I changed to seeing him as more than a friend...I told him how I feel and now we're together. I think you should definitely tell him..you'll just keep wondering if you don't. Good luck;):)