Breakup feelings and cares?

thegame

broke up with my girlfriend last week going out 5 years and she said she has feelings for me and cares about me but she thinks she doesnt love me??

whats the difference between feelings and cares and love??

i have now stopped calling and texting her,maybe its best if i give her time to think about it.

star-pants

I'm a little confused... did you break up with her *because* she said she didn't love you or did she say that *after* you broke up with her?

LegacyUser

Give her some time. If you keep your distance for a while, she may realise what she's losing.
You can love someone as a friend but lose the physical attraction for them. However, sometimes a break can restore these feelings. I know people who've been through breaks then got back together. It's like the old saying.....if you have a wild bird, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours for keeps...but if it doesn't, it was never yours in the first place. Good luck.

merlie

thegame wrote: »

broke up with my girlfriend last week going out 5 years and she said she has feelings for me and cares about me but she thinks she doesnt love me??

whats the difference between feelings and cares and love??

i have now stopped calling and texting her,maybe its best if i give her time to think about it.

Five years is a long time. You do not say why you broke up but if it is to do with her thinking she doesn't love you, than you need to talk about things. You will need to sort this out, if you want your relationship to work. Space is a good thing as it can give her time to think things over but my advice to you is, do not leave it too long before you contact her.

thegame

she broke up with me,she said she thinks she doesnt love me and she needs time on her own,she thinks her life is going in another direction.and she is moving out of the apt,which is prob better

star-pants

thegame wrote: »

she broke up with me,she said she thinks she doesnt love me and she needs time on her own,she thinks her life is going in another direction.and she is moving out of the apt,which is prob better

Ok I understand now.
The difference between feelings/caring and love are that she still cares about you and has feelings for you, but that the love part is gone/or not there, the spark has perhaps gone out for her. I know it doesn't seem fair, but if she needs time on her own, that usually means a permanent break up. Her moving out is a good idea - for both of you.
And you not contacting her is good too. You need to start adjusting your life without her. It's going to be hard yes, but you'll get there. She's done the right thing - by not staying and pretending she feels something she doesn't.
I don't mean to sound harsh or anything btw -- it's just that this seems to be the case. 5 years is a very long time so you will take a good while to get used to not having her around etc. But keeping out of contact and her moving out is a good start hun.

Wagon

thegame wrote: »

whats the difference between feelings and cares and love??

Loving someone means that you are emotionally and physically connected with that person.

Caring is what you do with a friend.

LegacyUser

This happened to me and my gf. We were going out 7 years when we broke up. Gave her space and we eventually got back together after about a month. Tbh though it doesn’t always work out that way, you really have to want to get back but play the game.

Not being to needy etc. I always wondered tough does the 7 year itch, happen every 7 years or just the first?

thegame

thanks for the comments everybody.it really helps.

thegame

Update!

Girlfriend left the apt last tuesday,it was so hard for me to see her go,she said the city life has changed her and she wants to be on her own.i went out lastnight to cheer myself up but it was even harder to accept that i have lost her,she has changed so much since she moved to the city and got a good job,she is only 23 i suppose and im 30.. we were so good together and thats what kills me,i thought we were happy out she never sat down and talked about the problems she had with me,she said she was feeling this a few months now and she tried to put it in the back of her mind

CDfm

Ooops -she says has feelings and cares for you but doesnt love you.Very wooly thinking to make her feel good.

Thats a bit like wanting to keep the door open but on her terms so leave it at that and shut it by breaking of contact like you have.

If I were you I would try to pick up the pieces of your life and date other people and its a nice time of year.

Wibbs

She'll likely not be able to explain it either and trying to tease it out logically and try to "fix" it won't work. She either feels it or she doesn't. If you want to be really basic about it, it boils down to her being attracted to you. You love friends and family and deeply care for them, but you're not attracted to them. Her life could be going in all sorts of directions but if she still felt that, she wouldn't leave.

After 5 years it's going to be difficult to sustain that. She may also be at the age where she wants to explore the world more and that includes other men. She's been with you since she was 18 and you're both at different stages in life.

What next? Well breaking contact is a good plan for your sake or you could get into a much longer moving on process. You have to accept what you had is gone for a start. Now you might re ignite a new relationship down the line, but you can't base your life on that hope. Now you have to re ignite the relationship with yourself as you've also been out of commision for 5 years. Take time to process the relationship too. Take time to look at your own part in the good and bad parts and see if there are areas of improvement you need to make for the future. There will be. Everyone has them. It could simply be that you got used to the status quo and didn't stimulate her emotionally enough as many men do. Whatever the reason(s), it will be a learning experience and a good one too. The hardest emotional pain I've felt have always been the best teachers.

Also accept that it will take time. It's not an overnight thing and indeed if it was I would be more worried for you TBH.

Remember the most important bit. This will pass and you will be in a better place emotionally soon enough. You will have pangs for a while, but it's a better thing to find this out now, rather than ten years on with two kids in play. It also gives you the chance to meet someone more suited to you. You may think she was, but if she was she would still be there.

thegame

thanks for the comments.ill take it easy and worry about myself from now on