Online Dating Messaging

LegacyUser

I started up on plenty of fish a few months ago. I'm 22. At that time I sent messages to about 15 girls between 18-23, attaching 2 of my pics and writing a few lines about myself. Also mentioning something of interest in their profile. I got 1 reply and nothing came of that in the end.

I decided to give it another try yesterday. Sent messages to another 10-15 girls. This time I asked most of them what part of Dublin they lived. Tried picking up something from their profile to ask about. And decided to post my facebook profile if they wanted to see a bit more about me. I got 1 reply again. The reply was just telling me where she's from and that she doesn't have facebook. I decided to send her a little gift and a smiley because she replied to me. told her i used to work in her area and explained a bit about that. I asked her where she mainly goes out and where she works.
She replied telling she's a regular in a club I've been to a few times and telling me where she works. just one liners. Then she asked her first question which was where I usually go.

I answered that explaining I don't really go to the same pub or club regularly and told her where I go. Then told her i'm saving for a big holiday in june so can't go out as much. Asked her if she goes on holliers much. She read that but never replied.

For once I thought I was getting somewhere and it looks like it just stopped.

What in the name of god can I do to improve my chances? If anyone wants to see my pics I'll log in and pm them on so we could hopefully rule them out as the problem? because I think my only problem in real life is my shyness and not my looks (although I've been out with a few girls).

Anyway, I just can't really get the hang of chatting girls up online without getting them bored it seems.

dny123456

To be honest a lot of those sites 'girls' and just fake profiles, so I wouldn't feel too bad about it if I were u. The one real girl, may just have been busy and heavily in demand. Online is prob the worst way to meet a straight female, imho. Not your fault.

LegacyUser

I tried plentyoffish for a while but was really disappointed in the site (I'm female). Have since had success on parship. Much better site in my opinion.

RedXIV

dny123456 wrote: »

To be honest a lot of those sites 'girls' and just fake profiles, so I wouldn't feel too bad about it if I were u. The one real girl, may just have been busy and heavily in demand. Online is prob the worst way to meet a straight female, imho. Not your fault.

not necessarilly, of my last few relationships, only the girl i met online has been anything more than a casual thing. The girls i met in bars etc tend to fizzle out fast, the girl i met on boards has me captivated

Affable

I've never had much success on the web, even on casual relationships.
Many of them are ditherers and don't really want what they think they do.

Tbh mate your much better off going out and sitting in a coffee bar, going to a local pub or to waatch some music, eiter with mates or on your own.
Might meet someone that way.

Otis Driftwood

IMO its just about numbers mate.Unless you are stunningly handsome then it can be hard work.Look at the profiles of the "very good" looking women on it.Ive seen some that are on over 200 peoples favourite lists and the average looking women can have anywhere from 10 to 100 people with them as their favourites so you can imagine the volume of mails they are receiving.I tried it before for a couple of weeks with a few pics posted and a concise non rambling profile and received an average amount of responses(approx 20 new contacts in about a 2 to 4 week period)Chatted with a few sound people but nobody that caught my attention so I just deleted my profile.I wouldnt take it to heart or personally if the messages you send get deleted without getting a reply.I reckon there are alot of people on there just to get their ego massaged.I still check in to the site every now and again and alot of the same "good looking" women are still on it after 3 or 4 months so what does that tell you?IMO its either that they are wagons or are just on it to make themselves feel good.Take it all with a pinch of salt and beware of cropped (ie head shot only) pictures.:eek:

cantdecide

Don't be fooled into thinking that pof is an alternative way of meeting women. It's not, really. I found I had precious little interest in most of the women (if your main interest is 'socializing' proved to be a fair indicator to me- you can just go and meet those women in the pub so why use the internet to complicate things?).

I had exactly the same problem and I really didn't like it. You know you are being ignored most of the time. You would sometimes also know there are girls who you'd get on with very well and you'd think 'sure we can have a chat anyway' and you'll be ignored still.

Good point on the 3-4+ month profiles, Ned. Says it all really doesn't it. I gave it up and won't try it again any time soon. I'll head off to the pub again and pretend to be outgoing...

LegacyUser

Hi, I read this and had to reply. I met my husband on pof and a good friend of mine met her current boyfriend on pof as well. What i would say is that if you're chatting to some-one you like then arrange to meet them sooner rather than later, it can drag on a bit and the initial interest in a person can go and they will see you as an email buddy instead of a potential date.
Anytime I chatted online to the hubby we had each other in stitches quoting silly movies like Austin Powers and Dodgeball! I always found laughter to be the key, if you can have a laugh with some-one online then it's a good sign :-)
Hope this helps and good luck!

Monkey61

Well as online dating is my new hobby , I thought I'd throw in my rules.

1. Have an interesting and in depth profile. Personally the more detailed, quirky and interesting the better. Be different. Everybody likes going to the cinema, socialising etc - it's not enough to just mention the dull stuff. For me the profile is the most important part. If your profile conveys enough of your personality then girls will at least have an idea if you are well suited or not.

2. Try to be funny and interesting when contacting girls. Enlist the help of a friend who's a decent writer for the first post maybe and learn from that. It's all about the funny and interesting - where do go out and do you go on holidays much are grand when you meet up, but you need more than that to keep someone's interest when they haven't got you on a one to one basis. I majorly fancy a girl I met online recently - and knew that I did by the second email I got from her. Had I seen her out I probably wouldn't have looked twice at her, but her messages had me smitten and since meeting her I think she is super hot. Similarly I doubt she would have kissed me had I not apparently sent her the best messages ever - she was totally bowled over as well.

3. Pretty much the same as above, but work on the conversational skills. Think of interesting things you want to know about them. Air interesting opnions based on what they say. Tell funny stories of what you got up to at the weekend (even if the incidents in question happened last year). Make your unique personality shine and show that you are worth their time!

cantdecide

There are always going to be success stories but that's not the whole truth. IMO, the highs and lows are equal.

I read similar threads when I started and had high hopes because of them which were quickly dashed. I made the best of it that I could. I do have a lot to say for myself, I did all those things with ease and I'm no looker but I'm not hideous and it was still a big waste of time for me. I thought there would be lots of other shy people but virtually everyone just wants to tell you how maaaaaad they are.

My rule of thumb is if you haven't had much trouble meeting people in 'real life' you'll be fine with online dating for a little variety or to end a drought. If you're a bit shy and hopeless in love, it is very possible it will make you feel even more despondent. It certainly did with me and I can't be alone.

LegacyUser

Hi,

I registered with plenty of fish and maybefriends over the last few months and, like you, I sent loads of emails to women I thought were in or around my league. Not one single reply.
I tried to make my profile interesting and put up more than one picture (the pictures I thought displayed me in my best light). With each email I tried to be unique and funny but nothing.

TBH the whole thing has made me feel worse about myself than I already did. I'm a shy guy with a bit of an inferiority complex . For example, I can never chat up women in clubs cos I always think there are better guys in the club that they would prefer. Women rarely approach me either. I'm only 5 ft 7 and I'm always hearing about women wanting the tall, dark and handsome types. Unfortunately the small, pale and handsome types never get a look in

I'm half thinking of changing my height to 5ft 11 on the dating websites to see if that would make a difference just for an experiment.

Zaph

SameBoat wrote: »

Hi,

I registered with plenty of fish and maybefriends over the last few months and, like you, I sent loads of emails to women I thought were in or around my league. Not one single reply.
I tried to make my profile interesting and put up more than one picture (the pictures I thought displayed me in my best light). With each email I tried to be unique and funny but nothing.

TBH the whole thing has made me feel worse about myself than I already did. I'm a shy guy with a bit of an inferiority complex . For example, I can never chat up women in clubs cos I always think there are better guys in the club that they would prefer. Women rarely approach me either. I'm only 5 ft 7 and I'm always hearing about women wanting the tall, dark and handsome types. Unfortunately the small, pale and handsome types never get a look in

I'm half thinking of changing my height to 5ft 11 on the dating websites to see if that would make a difference just for an experiment.

FYI, I've deleted your second post. This post didn't "disappear", it was in the queue for moderation as you posted as unregistered. The mods do have real lives and can't be here 24/7, so sometimes a small backlog builds up, so please be a bit more patient in future, as long as your post isn't abusive or trolling it will be approved.

Kimia

SameBoat wrote: »

Hi,

I registered with plenty of fish and maybefriends over the last few months and, like you, I sent loads of emails to women I thought were in or around my league. Not one single reply.
I tried to make my profile interesting and put up more than one picture (the pictures I thought displayed me in my best light). With each email I tried to be unique and funny but nothing.

TBH the whole thing has made me feel worse about myself than I already did. I'm a shy guy with a bit of an inferiority complex . For example, I can never chat up women in clubs cos I always think there are better guys in the club that they would prefer. Women rarely approach me either. I'm only 5 ft 7 and I'm always hearing about women wanting the tall, dark and handsome types. Unfortunately the small, pale and handsome types never get a look in

I'm half thinking of changing my height to 5ft 11 on the dating websites to see if that would make a difference just for an experiment.

Ah don't feel bad! There will be someone out there that's right for you so don't give up. It's not you. Think of all the hideous ugly or really mean people you see that manage to have a relationship. (that sounds bad I don't mean you're hideously ugly or mean).

my point is don't give up. Try other dating sites, don't put all your eggs in one basket. And in the meantime try and work on your confidence and self esteem. This makes a huge difference to how women will interact with you. Confidence is very attractive - if you think you're good looking and nice you give off that vibe and people respond to that. It's not all about looks its about how you present yourself. Best of luck.

beks101

Online dating is a ruthless game. People get to be black-or-white about what they want and there's no grey area like in the real world EG completely ruling out someone, as mentioned above, for being 5 ft 7, whereas you might meet the same person in a pub and not even notice.
You're basically judging someone on a photo, a list of attributes, and their ability to string a sentence together, which is unrealistic and most of the time, misleading. And that's how they're judging you as well!

The number one most important thing is to NOT take it seriously. It shouldn't be something that affects your confidence for all the above reasons. It's a fickle world, a numbers game. It's definitely not for everyone and if you're having no luck, walk away and give yourself kudos for at least giving it a shot.

Secondly, from what you've explained, it sounds like you're trying too hard. The copied-and-pasted emails are so glaringly obvious, even if someone has thrown in a few novelty sentences about the particular girl's interests in an attempt to personalise the message.

Adding a link to your facebook page might be a bit over-eager for a first message, and some of the questions sound a bit formulaic, no different to the 'do you come here often' / 'where are you from' style chat up lines that fail to deliver on a night out. Sure, ask questions if you're genuinely interested, but I found funny anecdotes and a few quirky facts about the guy with a related Q thrown in at the end is a bit more original and attention grabbing than answering a list of mundane questions for the twentieth time.

Expressing an opinion on something she has mentioned in her profile or message is good advice, the funnier and more provocative the better. Don't be afraid to be a bit cheeky, afterall you don't know the girl, might never meet her and have nothing to lose...and it might spark her interest.

Latchy

Sounds to me like your trying to hard OP and not ticking the right boxs so to speak .Have you tried offline dating ,face to face ?

Might be less stressful for ya .

LegacyUser

Kimia wrote: »

Ah don't feel bad! There will be someone out there that's right for you so don't give up. It's not you. Think of all the hideous ugly or really mean people you see that manage to have a relationship. (that sounds bad I don't mean you're hideously ugly or mean).

my point is don't give up. Try other dating sites, don't put all your eggs in one basket. And in the meantime try and work on your confidence and self esteem. This makes a huge difference to how women will interact with you. Confidence is very attractive - if you think you're good looking and nice you give off that vibe and people respond to that. It's not all about looks its about how you present yourself. Best of luck.

Cheers for that.
Although i don't think I'm ugly or mean you are right about the vibe. I can go out on a night out with all the confidence in the world but one dismissive glance or cold shoulder or whatever and the confidence is shattered and my smile fades. That then leads to another night wasted. I thought the online thing would help a lot for people like myself but tbh it had the opposite effect for myself. I'm going to delete my accounts cos it just isn't having the right effect for me.

Well you know what, next night out I'm going to keep the chin up and the smile beaming and I will continue to do it till I meet someone. I need to stop worrying about how successful my friends are in this department and start worrying about numero uno.

SheRa

POFnewb wrote: »

I started up on plenty of fish a few months ago. I'm 22. At that time I sent messages to about 15 girls between 18-23, attaching 2 of my pics and writing a few lines about myself. Also mentioning something of interest in their profile. I got 1 reply and nothing came of that in the end.

I decided to give it another try yesterday. Sent messages to another 10-15 girls. This time I asked most of them what part of Dublin they lived. Tried picking up something from their profile to ask about. And decided to post my facebook profile if they wanted to see a bit more about me. I got 1 reply again. The reply was just telling me where she's from and that she doesn't have facebook. I decided to send her a little gift and a smiley because she replied to me. told her i used to work in her area and explained a bit about that. I asked her where she mainly goes out and where she works.
She replied telling she's a regular in a club I've been to a few times and telling me where she works. just one liners. Then she asked her first question which was where I usually go.

I answered that explaining I don't really go to the same pub or club regularly and told her where I go. Then told her i'm saving for a big holiday in june so can't go out as much. Asked her if she goes on holliers much. She read that but never replied.

For once I thought I was getting somewhere and it looks like it just stopped.

What in the name of god can I do to improve my chances? If anyone wants to see my pics I'll log in and pm them on so we could hopefully rule them out as the problem? because I think my only problem in real life is my shyness and not my looks (although I've been out with a few girls).

Anyway, I just can't really get the hang of chatting girls up online without getting them bored it seems.

Honestly? you are being very intense very soon. Im not surprised she didn't reply. I wouldn't have. You sent her a gift? Very OTT.

Also maybe it wasn't even you maybe she's just busy?

RacoonQueen

Maybe a site where women have to pay to be a part of would be a better option then they're a lot less likely to be 'fake' profiles. Many sites let women make their profiles for free(me and my friends had great fun with that when we were younger :pac: ) Or a 'dating site' thats more specific to peoples interest...I'm always getting an ad for a fitness dating site, I've seen other ads on here for christian dating and muslim dating.

LegacyUser

am a guy and have been on various dating sites with varied success. Have had 3 6month+ girlfriends thru them, so it can deffo work as well as pubs/clubs.

my tips:

Keep your profile light-hearted and honest, dare to name your fav band/movie/place, rather than 'I like music/films/travel'

When first emailing someone, ask something specific so they know you've read there profile(i.e. whats their dogs name if they say they've one, or their fav place to visit if they've travelled, etc) and keep it short and light hearted...... pouring your heart out and being heavy on first emails isnt gonna work (doesnt work in a pub/club either!)

And be choosy about who you write to, if she's into hill-walking / camping and you hate the outdoors.... chances are you wont find the shared interest that will generate the initial spark even if she's in your 'league'

LegacyUser

Speedating is better man . Its good craic .