Don't know what to do

LegacyUser

My sister has been married to a guy for 16 years. For all those years he has been a very quiet sort of man, not much of a one for talking -very sombre really. I did notice during this time that things werent great with their marriage and sometimes my sister confided this in me. But I had my own problems with marriage and eventually had to walk away.
More recently my sister asked me to mind the kids for her and her husband came home from work. We started talking and talked more on that one evening than we had in all the time I knew him. My seperation came up and I told him what had happened, I suppose I was looking to talk to someone myself. He went quiet so I asked him why and what had he got to say for himself.
He said that no marriage goes easily, he told me some of the things from his marriage from his perspective. He admitted that he only stayed because of his kids, what my sister had done etc. Some of the things done would have been deal-breakers for a lot of men- name calling & being abusive in company for instance. All in all not what I expected from my sister or this quiet bloke.
Since then he is a lot warmer towards me, too warm in fact. So I kept my distance and cold shouldered him. My sister now tells me that she is really worried for her marriage, this guy has changed a lot. I am worried that I may have had a part in this (unwittingly) and dont know what to do. Should I tell my sister that he confided in me? Should I tell her about the vibe I got from him? He didnt make a pass or anything, but I often get that 'look' from him.
Should I just keep out of it? Its none of my business really but would like to have normal contact with them both again without feeling uncomfortable.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

Should I just keep out of it?

Absolutely. Without a doubt. Keep out of it. And do not confide in him anymore.

Sinall

You never know what goes on in a marriage unless you are one of the people involved.

Just keep your behaviour towards them both the same as it was before.

wicklori

I'd agree with both above, but might add that if he were to start such a conversation again and the opportunity to come up to make your position clear.
This woman is your sister and you are not on the market for him (I'm putting words in your mouth but think that's what you were implying...). I think it would be important to acknowledge that he confided in you but you were there as an accidental confidant only.

LegacyUser

I dont want to get between my sister and her husband, thats for sure. I dont know if he wanted to get me into bed either or if he just wants someone to talk to, he is a quiet bloke always was. Either way it makes me uncomfortable being around him. Thats a pity because he has always been a rock of sense and a real gentleman.
I can see that my sister needs to ease off on the wine and change her act if she wants to keep him. But if I said anything to her she would probably turn against me.
Its just an awful situation to be in.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, personally I think you made a boo boo having that talk with him in the first place..but that can't be undone.
I would distance yourself from them.Easier said than done but TBH there is a danger that you will destroy your relationship with your sister.
My sister is not the easiest to live with but she is my sister and if it came down to it my loyalities are with her not her husband.
Having gone through separation myself I know I have got into conversations about it with people and regretted it later.This has happened with men,and I got that look you describe when I met them next..and it feels awkward.What I had to do with one married man who tried to confide in me repeatedly was say that I thought he should see a counsellor.
If he tries that again put a stop to it. Bottom line is she's your sister and blood is thicker than water.