Cheating Friend

LegacyUser

I have a moral dilema.

A good mate of mine (im female, hes male) is cheating on his girlfriend. i know both women involved, not friends of mine really (but kinda) anywhoo, i will call him pete.

pete here has been in a relationship for less than 2 years, living with his OH... no kids. pete is so sound, funny, charasmatic, all around very personable, loads of mates... great guy! seriously, people would get in line to be his friend!

he always and i mean always is forever moaning about his GF. all of us (circle of friends) know the ****e he deals with in his relationship. (i mean we all have crap to deal with, not making excuses for him)

she seriously is a head wrecker. i woulda tossed her long ago if she were my OH! naggy, clingy, obsessive, control freak, drama queen... on the other hand, shes attractive, and treats him (on a good day) like a prince!

pete has a checkered past. naughty exes, bad mates... cheating.

girl number 2 is no better looking than his OH. a bit younger (25) than OH by 2 years. girl number 2 is obviously a vacation/walk in the park compared to OH! i can totally see the appeal, still...

as one of the few people who know about this, do i tattle? girl number 2 is a willing participant in this little after hours game. GF hasn't a clue. actually, she might have an idea. one of the many records that she plays... are you cheating?

i am not a cheater, so the idea of it makes me a bit ill. i haven't distanced myself from my circle of mates, though the fact they are so blase' about it all makes me feel like i somehow am responsible too.

i dont wanna lose my friendship with my mates... selfish? very. i have considered sending an email to GF annon, but i know it would come back to bite me in the arse!

i know in my heart he should leave his OH, who am i to tell him (AGAIN??) people don't often take advice in his situation...

what should i do?

LegacyUser

Nothing, it's none of your business.

Maybe have a word in your friends ear if you feel he needs a bit of advice & you are a close enough friend that he's appreciate it.

Other than that, don't meddle in other peoples problems.

NewFrockTuesday

If your friend was being cheaed on then yes Id tell him, but hes the one doing the cheating. Its none of your business really so Id stay out of it.

Everything comes to light in the end anyway.

bubblewrap

You aren't my bf's female friend are you?!? :eek: :P

Sinall

Bubblewrap, when I read this post earlier I knew you were going to write something like that!

To the OP, it's best to stay out of it if you can.

MeMyself&I

bubblewrap wrote: »

You aren't my bf's female friend are you?!? :eek: :P

haha, bubblewrap, this should give you a shock indication of what your o/h friends think of you, dont mean to be mean, but all these little things may help you!!!

The world has been taken over by cheaters!!!!

OP, if you were good friend with the female parties involved, then i would tell them. But if they are just people you know, stay out of it...but if you do feel guilty...dont cover up for him if he ever asks you, at least that way you hadnt got an active role to play in all this deceit!!!

Dragan

I would tell Pete to stop being such a moany bitch and break up with his girlfriend, plain and simple.

Sounds to me like the guy is basically telling whoever will listen to them whatever they want to hear, in order to keep all his stories straight and all his ducks in a row.

At the end of the day the guy has a relationship, a girl on the side and apparently a load of mates who are willing to pat him on the back for it.

Sounds like a really fun social circle.

merlie

What ever way you look at it, it is cheating. And someone always gets hurt because of this. The cheater is selfish and stupid for playing peoples emotions. Either someone has to say something or at some point the perverbial cat will will be let of the bag! It is only a matter of time, better to say something now. than to let it drag on when the hurt becomes deeper

bubblewrap

lol, I know people see me that way!

I am hoping it isn't me really, as I don't socialise with her friends, although I guess she is kinda in the same circle as some of my bf's friends.

Just to clarify, what area in the world are you?

Sinall

bubblewrap wrote: »

lol, I know people see me that way!

I am hoping it isn't me really, as I don't socialise with her friends, although I guess she is kinda in the same circle as some of my bf's friends.

Just to clarify, what area in the world are you?

Careful Bubblewrap...this isn't helpful for you!

Anyway, back on topic, these things always seem to come out in the end. Someone will let something slip or see them together. Seeing as the OP is friends with Pete, she doesn't want to risk ruining her friendships there by getting involved.

bubblewrap

I know I shouldn't but it is uncannily similar! :eek::o

Silverfish

Bubblewrap, if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Don't drag threads off topic and make them about you. Good girl.

Polleta

'if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.'That is the second time I've heard that this week. Its a good phrase.

Anyway I have seen a male friend of mine cheating on his long term girlfriend but I don't know his OH at all realy besides to say hi to. I also didnt know the other girl too well. I decided to stay out of as it wasn't my business.

If I was friends with the girls involved though I would be making my opinion known.

A female friend of mine was sleeping with an engaged man behind his OH's back and I certainly told her I thought it was a bad idea and was going to end in tears and she shouldnt get out asap.
So I guess all you can do is tell him to cop on to himself and get on with your own life. It's his problem.

shellyboo

No. 1 rule for a happy life: Do not meddle in the affairs of others. PI is a great outlet for all those urges to meddle, I know cos I am the nosiest person alive.

Getting involved in someone else's relationship is a terrible, terrible idea. Leave it, don't get involved, and if you're asked about it in the future, just say it was none of your business.

If you MUST get involved, just try to urge the guy to do the right thing. Don't approach his gf.

MeMyself&I

I dont know what this has got to do with anything, but everytime i hear about this topic i think of Glasvegas - Its my own cheating heart that makes me cry.....sorta comes from the cheaters point of view.

jim o doom

seems to me everyone on the thread agrees; don't get involved - you certainly won't be helping anyone and might make an enemy of a mate.Tell him to cop on is about all you can do.

yellowcurl

GF number 1 is probably a great safety net, and GF number 2 is probably great for just fun. He sounds like a bit of an ass tbh, if he's not happy he should just move on. Cheating isn't fair on anyone, even if the person does annoy you.

bubblewrap

Silverfish wrote: »

Bubblewrap, if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Don't drag threads off topic and make them about you. Good girl.

So sorry, I like that quote though - how true!

cantdecide

I would suspect as posted that he's an ass too. Some of the biggest jerks I know are popular/ life-and-soul/ sound. Think of pulp fiction- 'Just because you are a character doesn't mean you have character'.

If you're close enough to him, I'd give him hell for putting you in this position but ultimately, I'd not get involved.

LegacyUser

OP here.

righto. cheers for the advice. i will not get involved! my sense of self is seriously shaken though! me thinks i may need a new group of friends... but seriously, when do you draw the line? can't you have friends without cutting them out everytime they do something you wouldn't do? BORING!

to bubblewrap: seriously I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED!

g'night to everyone!

Sinall

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

righto. cheers for the advice. i will not get involved! my sense of self is seriously shaken though! me thinks i may need a new group of friends... but seriously, when do you draw the line? can't you have friends without cutting them out everytime they do something you wouldn't do? BORING!

to bubblewrap: seriously I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED!

g'night to everyone!

You can only advise your friend on what you think is right or wrong...what he does then is up to him.

This seems like a bit of a realisation moment for you - sometimes our friends aren't the people we thought they were or don't do what we though they would do. Perhaps it is time for you to examine your friendship and see what happens then.

thekinks

ahhh cheating. tricky business i've heard. depends where your loyalties lie... and if i were being cheated on, i would hope someone would tell me, REGARDLESS of our friendship status. so yeah, i would spill the beans. as to not losing your mates... maybe try the whole email thing... or boards??!!

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

what should i do?

Absolutely nothing. Getting involved in other people's relationships is nearly always a disaster.

bubblewrap

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

righto. cheers for the advice. i will not get involved! my sense of self is seriously shaken though! me thinks i may need a new group of friends... but seriously, when do you draw the line? can't you have friends without cutting them out everytime they do something you wouldn't do? BORING!

to bubblewrap: seriously I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED!

g'night to everyone!

No worries, I had my doubts after reading that, this girl I know would NEVER leave 'the circle', she is like a leech!

Anyway back on topic, if it was me, I would want to know - but that is just me. I would think more of the person if they told me, and was just telling the truth to help me rather than sh!t stir.

AARRRGH

bubblewrap wrote: »

if it was me, I would want to know - but that is just me. I would think more of the person if they told me, and was just telling the truth to help me rather than sh!t stir.

So she tells you, and then your boyfriend says she's lying, she is crazy and is trying to break up your relationship. He says he has always thought she fancied him and is not surprised she is saying this.

You then decide to believe him (because you want to believe him) and you conclude your friend is a lying, jealous bitch.

Happens all the time.