Advice please thanks.

tonique

Hi bit of a lurker but need some advice thanks..

About 8 months ago I met a wonderful man, we got on really well, we shared a lot of common interests, values and fell in love fairly quickly..
After a silly row, he decided he wanted us to try to be 'just friends' despite still loving him very much, I agreed, so for a while we continued to meet, no sex.. I found this difficult but
After a meal one night, we came back to my place, he claimed he still thought a lot about me, sex was wonderful, but basicaly if anything more were to happen he would feel happier if I instigated it, as he didn't want me to feel he was taking advantage of me.
We ended up in bed, I told him I still loved him, but he didn't reply in kind..
About 8 days ago I sent him a text, I heard nothing, previous mails were also unaswered, eventualy he replied, berating me! claiming he was extremley busy, and once again I had messed up our friendship, I was devastated...
One part of me feels that I am to blame, but surely no matter how busy, if you care for someone a quick text isn't a bother..
Should I just move on and forget him, I already miss him, a friend advised me to forget him, she thinks he wants it all his own way..
Any advice

LegacyUser

Hi Op
I know it's hard but I think you should cut all contact and move on
You are better than someones f*ck Buddy or Friend with Benefits
That guy is just having his cake and eating it
He doesn't want the hassle and gives you grief if you get upset with him not contacting you
Have been in the same situation myself and the best way is to cut all contact
And plan nights out with friends to keep yourself busy and also to stop yourself from contacting them again

LegacyUser

Hi tonique, if I were you I would move on. What you're describing makes me think he has another woman. He still likes you and is keeping his options open,that is why he throws you a crumb every now and again.He is keeping you dangling.and it is gonna turn into a Friends with Benefits scenario...with HIM getting all the benefits.
I would see other men. What often happens then is he will get less sure of himself and come crawling back...then you can decide if you want him or stick with the better looking guy you met when you weren't seeing him.
Good luck.

littlefriend

He doesn't sound like a very nice person tbh. Would you delete his number and other contact details? There really is no point in hanging around for someone who [it seems] doesn't feel for you what you feel for him.
Sorry, I know its hard but its better to cut all ties than waiting in the hope that he'll realise he is in love with you.

radharc05

I also happen to think he's seeing someone else and is throwing you a crumb every so often to keep his options open.

U may be thinking that some attention is better than none at all from this bloke. I think you may be clinging to a hope that one day he will be yours..Sadly I think that he wont be. Dont be a door mat. Its clear he has little respect for you judging by his attitute.
He's not going to change.
If he truly felt strongly for you he would'nt treat you like he is.

Do yourself a favor. Your definately feeling low at the minute.
Firstly DELETE his number, that will quell the temptation when you feel you need or want to contact him. I know first thing in the morning and in the evenings is when you probably feel low or at a loss. Try and keep as busy as possible. Get support from friends. I'm sure they will give you the same advice as you'll get here.
It is hard to be used like this, feelings of inadequasy (no doudt spelt wrong me finks!) and 'whats wrong with me' and you may even be thinking one day he'll be yours. But do you really want to be treated like this? because if this is how its starting its not a positive beginning!:(
take care
Kick him to the kerb ya hear!;)

tonique

Hi everyone , thanks for your advice, really appreciate it, sometimes it takes people on the outside, to make sense of a situation like this..
I spent some time last night going over our last mails, after the stupid row we had back in January, and I suddenly realised, he somehow managed to infer it was my fault..
Due to work and other commitments , it wasn't always easy finding time for each other, but I always made such an effort, I realise now he used this to suit himself... I spent most of the 8 months pleasing him really, which is sad , because we are in our early forties..
He gave all sorts of wishy washy reasons, for not wanting commitment, but I now think he never did..
I have deleted his number, and last night deleted his mails ect...

cantdecide

It's a liberating feeling and that's because it's the right thing to do.

Best of luck finding someone who will love you and treat you right...

tonique

Hi me again, well it seems a few of you were right sadly, A friend saw him a few nights ago with a woman, and they according to her looked very much in love..
I am absolutely gutted, and to be honest my pride is hurt, at my age I should have known better...
He always made a big deal, that he would never have a relationship until after one ended, god he made sure ours' did, and even manged to blame me!!!!!!!!!!!