Met a really nice guy, but no spark

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I have been single for a few years now and have met a lot of jerks and finally I met this really nice guy, initially when I got chatting to him I wasnt attracted but we kept chatting and we arranged another date, I was thinking as I got to know him I would be more attracted, met him a third time and still felt that there was no chemistry so I decided not to continue with it, its such a pity because he was a reallly nice, I feel so bad about the whole thing and wonder have I made a mistake by dong this.......................If the spark is not there it isnt there I suppose....

star-pants

You said it yourself OP, if there's no spark, there's no spark. You tried a few dates and the clicking just didn't happen, he's a nice guy, you get on well with him, but he's not giving you butterflies. Which is your body's way of telling you he's more suited to a friend than a boyfriend. I wouldn't feel bad hun, you tried a few dates, and it didn't work out. No point forcing yourself to date osmeone when you don't feel it.

*Honey*

At least you tried ... if there's no spark, there's no spark and I really do believe you need it in a relationship.

At least you know there are some good guys out there!!!

LegacyUser

i agree with the above noter, if there is no spark, nothing you can do about it. when i met my boyfriend a few years ago, he was completely the opposite of what i thought i was looking for, i didnt know if i liked him but he was the most amazing kisser ever, so i gave him a chance. at the start, i felt like you, didnt know if there was a spark there or not but the kisses said something else, a few weeks later i felt myself falling for him slowly and 3 years later we are happier than ever. im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy i gave him a chance

LegacyUser

being single isn't the worst thing you know! personally i would rather be happy alone than with someone and not! you only have one life and you should be compfortable in your own skin and know what you want out of life. good luck!

LegacyUser

I have been with him for almost a year, we have know each other for about 7 years. I love all the things about him and would do anything for him, but there is no spark. And when I mean spark, I mean romance. Sex, is good but I had better. And when the sex was better the man wasn't.
I find myself thinking of other people when I am by myself. Its not like I want to be with them just wonder how they would be. Its a sin to a degree thinking about other people that don't even think twice about you. But how do I make what I got better when there is nothing really wrong.
I have tried to do new things in the bed with him, it helps a little bit, but nothing long lasting, I even arrange time away for him and I. Its short lived too. I don't want to lose a good man due to no spark. But, I know he feel something missing too, and I don't want to be the one left blindsided when I saw the issue the whole time. I love him enough to allow him to be happy, but I don't love him enough to allow him to cheat on me because there no exicitment in our relationship.
I am not sure what to do, all know is that this is an issue.

LegacyUser

Hi Op, I had a thread here a few months back with literally the same thing. Had met a girl who I actually really liked for the first time in 4/5 years but when it just came down to it there was no spark. I had only ever felt those butterflies with one girl before and she turned out to be a bit of a crazy b*tch and I really wanted it to work with this new girl so asked similar advice as to wheter to continue and hope to find the spark or give up.

The answers were pretty split down the middle, some saying if there is no spark there is no spark and others saying in time they found the spark and so if I really liked this girl I shouldnt throw away a good thing. So I decided to give it a shot for a while. We dated for about 3/4 months but it just felt as if something was missing. We both knew it and decided it was best to go our seperate ways. I was honestly crazy about this girl, she was hot, fun, we got along great but when it came to kissing etc it felt like kissing your sister or something (you know what I mean!). Pity but I think im in the camp of if the sparks not there its not there.

I remember watching a documentary where they did tests on this and concluded that its some sort of biological way of your body telling you that your immune systems are either compatibale or not with a potential partner as something like that.....crazy!

That_Guy

If there's no connection or chemistry or whatever you want to call it then there's no point in pursuing anything.

Plenty more fish and all that. You two could just remain friends or something.

G86

Sometimes someone can be perfect on paper - but not perfect for you. In my exp, the spark has to be there from day one, if not then it never will be. Yes, it can grow, but only if its there in the first place. You can't make yourself fall for someone just because they tick all the boxes, sometimes its just not in your control, and there's nothing you can do to change it.

Polleta

I had this with a guy I went out with 5 years ago. He was great and on lots of levels we were compatible but we had what I call shopping list syndrome when it came to kissing. I could literally write a shopping list while we were kissing. We broke up(surprise surprise!).

Then there is the guy I'm seeing now. Not the greatest kisser by any means but man the butterflies make up for it big time! Everytime I think of our first kiss I have major butterflies. I figure I train him in the kissing stakes but I can't recreate the spark.

At the same time my most destructive relationship was with a guy who was an absolute jerk who I had electric chemisty with so I don't think its the be all and end all really!

SheRa

I really dont know how you kept going out with soneone for a year when there was no spark. I'd be driven demented.

I think that you should leave him for two reasons, firstly you deserve to be in a realtionship where you feel the spark. Secondly, your boyfriend deserves to be in a relationship where his girlfriend feels a spark for him. Its admirable that you tried, but at the end of the day it the spark doesn't appear (more than fleetingly) and stay, by the sounds of it it's not going to happen now.

By the way if you were together longer say 4/5 years and the spark only disappeared recently I'd definitely say work on it, but my god, only a year in, you should still nearly be able to generate your own power station at this stage. Sorry I dont mean to be funny, but you get my drift.

Snowie

if there's no spark there's no spark yes it sucks but as everyone else say's, you gave it ago... but at least iut shows that there is infact men out there that are good....

pushpop

*Honey* wrote: »

At least you tried ... if there's no spark, there's no spark and I really do believe you need it in a relationship.

At least you know there are some good guys out there!!!

If there's no chemistry, it's nobody's fault, just the way things pan out sometimes Also, of course there are plenty of good men out there. That sort of implicitly sexist statement really irks me.

panda100

I think for a relationship to work there has to be a chemistry there.
Nothing is more amazing when you feel that spark with someone. Everytime you see them your stomach explodes with butterflys. For me anyway that feeling must be there for me to be attracted to someone. If its not then its just friends territory.

Perhaps it has something to do with biology. Its all a bit random who we are attracted to!

supershazf

you need a spark or at least a bit of a fizz somthing...same thing happened to me so nice of a guy i met and i so wanted to like him more but no spark there he is just not the one for you.

LegacyUser

Just wondering about this spark that everyone's talking about.

Is this not going to fade away eventually anyway,?

It would be interesting to hear from someone that's been in a relationship for a long time, say over 15 years.

Do some couples that have been together for fifty years still have that spark, or is it even possible?

Say you were looking for something long term, and you didn't have this this spark, if it was going to fade eventually anyway, wouldn't it better being with somebody who you could see yourself with in 20 years time rather than with someone who makes you excited at the moment, but is actually not somebody you want to be with long term?

Lucy Lu

I am with my OH just over 15 years. And its only natural in that time that the spark has changed.

It was there from the beginning. No relationship is perfect and at times it dwindled but never disappeared.

I do believe if the spark had not been there in the first year we would not be still together now but thankfully it was and anytime the spark started to fade we both worked to get it back properly as we knew it was worth working for.

LegacyUser

its about more than physical attraction its a connection of personalitys as well.i think personally the spark has more to do with how you get on with someone than how they look.you could think someone is not great looking but get talking to them and just gel and then they appear more attractive to you.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same boat as the OP.
I've been on about 5 dates with a guy over the last month or so...but I'm not feeling this so called "spark" at all.
He's a really nice guy etc, and good fun, but I don't feel any butterflies in my tummy, or anything like that. There just doesn't seem to be a spark.

Should I cut my losses too, instead of dragging it on for a few more dates, in the hope that a spark will ignite?

This dating malarky is hard work!