Heart broken

LegacyUser

hi all,

TBH i dont post here too often as i dont have much access to the net but i hope you dont mind im gonna go unreg for this one.

I had been seeing a fella for the past 5 years - he 35 me 30 and just love him so much. We have just broke up and he has told me he is seeing someone else - his childhood sweetheart apparently (they have been on and off for years, even got back together for few months when we split up for a short time two years ago. Anyway He told me he has always loved her and that no one could ever match up to her and that we were never really going out anyway - whatever that means. Im just so heartbroken, shocked and upset i was so close to taking an overdose last nite i dont know what came over me. Im struggling so much to cope with this. I feel like that past few years of my life were just a joke.

Kirnsy

IMO if he "loved her" and told you "that no one could match up to her" i feel you've dodged a bullet OP.

you deserve to be with someone who feels that no one could match up to YOU.

Unregistered wrote: »

hi all,
Im just so heartbroken, shocked and upset i was so close to taking an overdose last nite i dont know what came over me.

If you are that low you should consider seeing a dr or a counseller to help you get over this tough time.

you can do it

RacoonQueen

I have to say I agree with the above. How would you have felt a couple of years down the line to hear he'd 'settled' for you? You deserve to have someone who loves you as much as you love them, not someone who sees you as second best. It's always hard when a relationship ends, it takes time but you WILL get over him. Get your friends together have a night in or a night out, enjoy yourself, go and do all the things you can't do when you're in a relationship and be worry free for a while. You'll meet someone new, in time(maybe even sooner) and you'll find someone who deserves to be with you and who will love you unconditionally.

star-pants

You poor thing *hugs*
I can only imagine what you must be going through. It sounds like he's justifying his reasons by trying to say that you two weren't that serious etc. Which is just bullcrap to me. He was with her when ye had a short breakup, and he's broken up with you for her now? I hate hate hate to say it, but has he been cheating on you with her? And she's just put her foot down / he finally made a choice?
It's completely horrible either way. Don't make any rash decisions regarding anything -- especially will to live. The first few days/weeks can be unbelieveable hard and nothing makes sense, all you feel is the pain in your heart and your head from crying so much. You feel numb because your body goes into shock, trying to protect itself.
The past few years weren't a joke hun, they meant something to you, and I'm sure they did to him. He's just made a choice, which has resulted in awful pain for you I know, but you will in time come to realise you're now better off. IF he was so into this other girl then at least you're free to find someone who deserves you. Iknow you're not even thinking about anyone else at the moment.

Right now, no advice or words of comfort or 'time will heal all' will help you. It's too soon, you're too raw. All you need right now is to take it day by day, slow small steps. Start simply, begin to adjust your life, remove things about him from it, remove him from it, contact etc as soon as you can. Seek comfort and support with friends and family and don't leave yourself alone for hours as this will only make things worse. Staying busy doesn't mean you're ignoring the problem, but it allows your body/mind/heart little breaks from the pain.
I know you won't believe me right now, but things will ease, very slowly mind, but they do. And you have to trust in that, because you're strong and you can get through this. You'll feel like crap and struggle with small tasks but it does ease up after a while. You just need to try and stay remotely positive about things. Don't fall down a hole of darkness. I know you will come through this hun, and vent as much as you like, pour your feelings out, it will help. Cry if you need to. There'll always be people here to listen to you. When you're feeling a little better, you can adjust your life and be able to move on/deal with things a bit easier. x

Joey the lips

Girl dont do that to yourself. The world needs lovely people like you there is just not enough. Its better you know now where you stand although it might no feel that way now.

Take care and be very safe. Post a lot more it's good to get it off that chest!

LegacyUser

Op here,

Thanks for you replies and kind words.

I think im probably just in such shock. Im even wondering myself if we were in a relationship. Im just doubting myself so much. i just dont know what to do. i feel totally lost. My friends are delighted its over as they dont really like him so i just cant talk to them hence i wrote here.

star-pants

I know it's hard when someone breaks up with you, friends and others immediately jump on the 'good, glad that b*tch/baxtard is gone, he/she didn't deserve you, lets hate him/her so much together!', when all you want is an ear to listen to your broken heart. Because you still care them a lot and people slating them only makes it worse. I'm sure he was a nice guy, and you guys had a good time together, he now just isn't part of your future and you'll be stronger for it. You are most likely in a lot of shock and it's very normal to doubt every single little thing, but you knwo what was what so don't think otherwise pet. You will be lost for a while, it's hard to think straight or make reasons out of anything, but the fog lifts slowly after a while. You just need to get through enough days to make it through the heavy fog.

clones1980

I know it wont feel like it right now but you have had a lucky escape. You could have been in that relationship for another 5 years carrying on as tho everything is fine. He is such a w@nker. And he is doing you such a favour by letting you get on with your life with the opportunity to meet new people, new men. Dont do anything drastic tho. No man is worth that. Good luck and do keep posting. You will feel better getting things out in the open.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
I went through an awful break-up. Felt so bad it gave me a physical pain like my heart had broken for real.
What helped was time.Sounds cliche I know but it does.
There is a fantastic self-help breakup book called "It's called breakup because it's broken".
It is for sale in Eason's. They have a day by day guide to get you through the pain.There's lots of humour in it too and you probably could use some cheering-up right? The day by day guide is good because at the start I had trouble just facing the day every morning.
Be kind to yourself and don't be ashamed to ask for help from your GP or call the samaritans.
If you still feel like taking tablets the go to your GP for sure. I had to got to mine and he was very kind. The GP sees this all the time.
Hugs hun,hope you are ok

LegacyUser

Hi. OP here

Thanks for your advice re the book. Went out and got it today. Got Struck straight in. Its taking my mind off things a bit n def gonna try the he-dox 60 day no contact tho cant see me contacting him again anyway. sure whats the point. Still it looks like it mite help. Thanks.

Sinall

You have everything to live for. If he still had feelings for his childhood sweetheart, that's his problem. I know it has impacted on you and I understand that you are in shock and are feeling pretty stunned right now. It's like what you thought was real has been turned upside down.

Hang in there, things will improve for you. As the others have said, you have dodged a bullet. It's better that this has happened now, rather than a year down the line. That probably doesn't immediately make you feel better but it will in time.

One step at a time....there is a whole world out there and you will learn from this (as we all learn from all our experiences) and come out stronger.

bubblewrap

Gosh I am so sorry, please do not even go there with the overdose. He isn't worth that if he can dump you in such a way...some of those things should not have been said, that is going to further knock your confidence.

He sounds horrible to be honest, leave him to her...you won't think so now but things happen for a reason. x

wicklori

OP, the best of luck as you try to get from one day to the next-and in the beginning that's really all it is. It does get easier and that hole in yur stomach fades.
An overdose would have been a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You are not defined by your relationship or lack thereof. YOu are a wider person than that. If that's his opinion of the past 5 years-his loss. None of us know what's around the next corner-good or bad. Your soul-mate could easily be the next guy you meet on the stairs!

bubblewrap

Plus, if they really were that much in love, he wouldn't have spent the past 5 years with you. Something tells me he might regret this....he has made his bed now though. It will be absolutely devastating, I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling but he doesn't deserve you.

YoungFolks

hey,
just going through a rough break up myself..so i know that hhearing what an ***hole people think he is doesnt help you one bit.you love him to bits,and you feel bewildered and lost and hurt.i have 2 bits of advice that might help..

*take each day at a time,dont worry about weekends,holidays,summer or anything like that,deal with today only,tomorrow will come and go,once you get your head around the "1 day at a time"thing,i found it does get somewhat easier to function.

*do whatever makes you feel good.crying,dancing,talking,screaming,sitting on a friends couch eating pizza and watching corrie without saying a word,or going to bed with a book till you fall asleep,whatever it is that makes it feel a little bit less,thats what you should be doing.

and you should be spending time with people you like and can talk to,people youre relaxed around..the pain is always there,but with every day that goes by you feel a little bit better,trust me.

Karen_*

Of course you were really going out OP. He's a bit of a coward and so by his reckoning if you weren't really going out then he's not really a prick for doing this to you. He's just trying to reason with himself and make it ok when he knows quite well its not.

All that really matters is what you think and how you feel. Rest assured him and his sweetheart won't work out. They never did before!

You need to look after yourself now. That book is brilliant by the way. Even if you can't take it in now then do read it later. This time last year I was in bits after a breakup. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I'd feel better and happy but I do. I feel great and I think my break up was the best thing to happen to me but I put alot of work into myself. You put yourself fist now and focus on doing nice things for yourself and being around nice people. You're worth it. And he's not worth your tears.