Should Having Someone Make Such a Difference?

The Volt

Every time I go out now, whether I'm sober or drunk, I get the same depressed feeling inside about not having a girlfriend. It's been over 6 months since my last relationship and at that, it lasted 2 weeks. I'm nearly 19 and I've never been able to keep somebody for more than 2 months. I've gotten all the excuses, the last one was that she didn't want to be in a relationship (turned out to be false) and most of the time they haven't stayed around to talk it out with me which worsens it for me really as there's a few blows I haven't fully gotten up from.

It bothers me on so many levels that I haven't got somebody, I get jealous easily and I often find myself awake late at night looking through the same old phone numbers yet I'm completely out of options. I'm fairly outgoing through the band i'm with and college but I just don't get any joy.

What I'm wondering is, is it right to be so down about one thing? It affects me 24/7

*Honey*

It could be, stemming from this sort of obsessive thinking/behaviour, you are giving out the vibe that you're desperate which isn't attractive I'm afraid.

My best advice to you is to learn to love yourself, be happy with yourself, feel that you can get on with your life with or without someone and then it often happens that you actually find someone to be with - reason for this is inner confidence and self assurance which is a very attractive trait.

Learn to love yourself first and foremost (and please, no schoolboy jokes please!). When you love yourself, other people will see it and notice it. I don't mean be big headed or think you're God's gift, just that quiet internal confidence that some people have that makes them very attractive.

The Volt

I never give off a desperate vibe, I just think when I'm down sometimes it can be hard to hide. But thanks yeah I get what you're saying

LegacyUser

Hi,
I have been using the internet since I was 16. Sites like faceparty etc I used to be addicted to. I used to chat to loadsa fellas and feed off the attention I got. I know it was all bull. I only kissed a boy for the first time when I was 16 [some randomers in a disco!]. I was [and unforunately still am] overweight and I know this wasnt attractive, particularly when you're a teenager as looks DO matter much more then. I never had a boyf really, met a guy for a couple of weeks but he just wanted sex, which I wasn't comfortable with. I never had trouble scoring on a night out, but thats because of drink involved, and I usually wore tops which flattered my boobs, which fellas like!

Anyway, I used to often cry at my comptuer, feeling sorry for myself, up til maybe 3am chattin on MSN, pitiful, looking for attention. I thought I'd be single forever. Signed up to a dating site last June and in July got chatting to a great guy. Been with him since and to be honest can't believe I've pulled a cracker like him, and funnily enough he thinks the same!

I'm 23 now. I wished I hadn't been so depressd and focused on "finding somebody" those years ago and wished I'd just enjoyed life and concentrated on improving my self esteem instead. You're young. I used to come on and complain about being single and was told "You're young" too. And it's true. Plenty of time for relationships and the rest after college and such. Enjoy yourself. Don't become preoccupied with finding somebody, or needing somebody. It's just a waste.xx

LegacyUser

Hell OP, I didn't kiss anyone until I was 18 and never had a boyfriend until I was 23. Sure I used to get down about it occasionally but I wasn't preoccupied with finding a boyfriend!! Believe me when I tell you that, at the stage you're at, there is much more to life than finding a partner.

RacoonQueen

You're far too young for a commited relationship. It's different for everyone of course but you just need to enjoy being young, free and single. As cliched as it sounds someone comes along when you least expect it, as soon as you stop looking there'll be someone there. Most likely because you'll be more relaxed and at ease and relationships you build with women will be more natural than one you'd have now where you're forcing a friendship/forcing yourself to get to know each other with the prospect of a relationship. Relax, chill out and you'll probably have someone before you know it especially if you're a social kind of guy and meet a lot of different people.

Webmonkey

OP, you are very young even though you may not think you are.

I am going on 23 now and last and only girlfriend I had was when I was 16 and even at that, I wouldn't have called it a relationship. That is 7 years! 6 months isn't that bad, the day will come...hopefully for me too