Branching out in college...

LegacyUser

ok il try keep this short and sweet...thanks in advance to anybody who posts, i appreciate it. so im an 18 year old guy in first year college (in trinity, although thats not all that important). and basically iv really tried this year to get out there and make more friends and get involved. But it hasnt gone that well. while i have made friends its more just that iv expanded on the group of people i knew coming in to college rather then getting into whole new scenes if that makes sense. im not unhappy..the group of friends i have is a good one but theyd be a quiet bunch and i woudnt go out that much with them. in short id love to get to know more people and make the most of college. i feel at the moment that im missing out on what most people agree are the best days of your life. so im just wondering whats the best way to do this. it seems people in college are happy in their little groups and its hard to break into them. are clubs and societies the answer? or maybe just really making an effort with people you meet any chance you get... thanks...

oh and im not painfully quiet/shy/weird or anything like that, im actually quite a friendly talkative guy...i just wudnt be the best at making new friends other then through existing friends...something that comes naturally to most people..

Overheal

So would that High Energy and Excitement you give off perhaps come off a teeny bit desperate? Dont get me wrong. Im just saying, that you are making it sound like you have no time to lose and these are the best times of your life slipping you by. That kind of sentiment is good in moderation but like all things you can take it too far. Some people do try too hard and it puts people off. When I wasnt a dropout (:o) we had some decent folks in class that just tried too hard sometimes to impress or put themselves out there, and it kinda shows when you aren't comfortable in your own skin. They usually come off as a bit pretentious, like they always have an agenda (usually to place themselves in the middle of a social circle). If you're on a mission, people can sense it, quite frankly.

You're only just in the door. Think back to First or Second Year for a minute. Remember how long ago it was, and how young and naive and high-pitched you were? Use that as a reference: You have plenty of time to branch out and live it up in the next 3-4 years. Just keep a relaxed head on your shoulders and be comfortable being yourself. I did a lot of that, I rarely went out clubbing or anything but as I slowly learned I was well accepted at just about any gathering of people, just sitting back and listening, not always worried about not being in the limelight.

LegacyUser

OP here...

overheal i know what you mean...theres people in my course who spend all their time making sure theyr involved in everything thats happening. But i definetly dont want to be that person. as you said its pretentious and basically insecure. Id just like a wider circle of friends to enjoy college with. I know its early days but at the sametime college flies by in no time at all and i feel as though i should be making the most of it and throwing myself into it but im just not quite sure how..

Overheal

Well have you joined any clubs and societies? Do you regularly attend those?

R.D. aka MR.D

I went to tcd aswell. things really didn't get goin until 2nd year. first year was more about people i met in student residences that weren't in trinity.

The 4 years i was there definitly not the best years of my life so don't have that in your head. you have plenty of time so if you just relax and go with the flow.

join some socities but make sure your genuinly interested in them and the people there are your kind of people. don't try to fit into the culture of socities which can be quite pretensious and closed when it comes down to it.

Relax and say yes to parties and don't pressure yourself into having fun. It'll happen eventually! And when the sun shines and the pav is full is you'll find plenty of people to befriend!

JC 2K3

R.D. aka MR.D wrote: »

join some socities but make sure your genuinly interested in them and the people there are your kind of people. don't try to fit into the culture of socities which can be quite pretensious and closed when it comes down to it.

I'd echo this somewhat, but would also emphasise not being closed minded.

I've joined and participated in societies which weren't really my thing, but I still really enjoyed myself.

No harm in getting involved in a society, you can stop attending things whenever you like.

Trinity can be a very lonely place if you didn't go with friends from school and aren't part of a certain 'set'. I too made friends on my course but they wouldn't have been the type to go out much so I spent a lot of evenings and weekends sitting in my room. I did try clubs and societies, but they're not a magic path to friends either. I found a lot of the people in them cliquey and snobbish and just not very genuine. It wasn't until 4th year that I found a society with nice people I got on with. I don't know what to advise you but I think a lot of people are in the same position. Looking back I still don't think I could have made a bigger effort or joined more things. It was just bad luck. So don't beat yourself up or feel bad if it's not working out, but keep trying to talk to people and join in and eventually you will click with someone. I found the 'international' type societies much less cliquey and snotty than the likes of the Phil, Hist, etc.

newestUser

[quote=[Deleted User];59327575]Trinity can be a very lonely place if you didn't go with friends from school and aren't part of a certain 'set'. I too made friends on my course but they wouldn't have been the type to go out much so I spent a lot of evenings and weekends sitting in my room. I did try clubs and societies, but they're not a magic path to friends either. I found a lot of the people in them cliquey and snobbish and just not very genuine. It wasn't until 4th year that I found a society with nice people I got on with. I don't know what to advise you but I think a lot of people are in the same position. Looking back I still don't think I could have made a bigger effort or joined more things. It was just bad luck. So don't beat yourself up or feel bad if it's not working out, but keep trying to talk to people and join in and eventually you will click with someone. I found the 'international' type societies much less cliquey and snotty than the likes of the Phil, Hist, etc.[/QUOTE]

I'd agree with this. A lot of people in Trinity feel the same, it's not as friendly as some other universities. Chin up buddy, I know it sucks, but take comfort from this: you're far from the only person who's thought that their time in Trinity was nothing what they felt college should be like.

Take your time, you're still in first year. Don't get desperate, accept that sometimes things don't go smoothly or fall into your lap. Try find ways to meet new people (eg part-time job, join societies, live in shared accomodation, etc), so you can learn how to cultivate new relationships.

seacláid-te

Hey, I found this thread quite interesting, I am an 18 year old girl in first year tcd and I find there isnt't enough hours on the clock to fit things in!!
Its all about pushing the boundaries, there are so many things on every day that can help you meet new people and really give you that college experience you are looking for!!
I joined the su as class rep, a fantastic decision for me a sit really helped me to settle, join some socs, head to the debates (loads go their on their own) head to the events organised my ents or even help your class rep to organise a good outing!
If you need to talk, feel free to give me a pm

Cheerilee

My best year in college was definetly my fourth and final year ,was UCD not TCD though.. but I remember I was gutted that it all came together in the end and I wished I was a fresher starting off again..I think I was way more involved in College life in final year and it would have been a different story if I had got more involved in the earlier years but I had just moved to Dublin and got completly side tracked by the social scene not the college scene.. what Im saying in that it isnt always great at the start but the more involved you get the more independent friends you make.and not just the ones you knew from school..

Enjoy ..
I completely envy you:)

Cheerilee

Sinall

I went to UCC and got involved with various societies from day one. I stayed involved in these the whole way through college and had a whole group of friends through them that were separate from my school friends or people in my course.

I know UCC held a Clubs & Socs day at the beginning of every academic year where each Club or Soc had a stand and prospective members could visit and find out about them. TCD probably does something similar that you could go to.

Rorate Caeli

Join the Boat Club and never look back.