Help

LegacyUser

long time poster, but going unreg for this one. Not an easy one to explain but please be patient. My wife and I married young and against all the odds 20 years later have 2 kids a house in a good area and are fairly comforable.

The help I am looking for is that my wife along with her brother and sister were mentally abused as kids by there mother which only came out lately. 5 years ago my wife had a bad breakdown and through the help of medication and alot of councilling came back better than ever. Her problem is her mother who continues to this day to have an orchestrated plot to ruin my wifes life and my wife cannot see it.

I have spent the last five years building my wife up and in December it all came crumbling down again. She has visited the doctor and is back on medication but as part of the anxiety she talks over and over the same issues every night when the kids are in bed for hours on end. I know it seems selfish but I am burned out from it and just feel like I cannot take any more. My life is going to work and coming home listening to her every night. She knows her problem is her mother and as her doctor said it was like a horror show but she still cannot accept that her mother did anything wrong.

I think I just needed to vent this thanks for listening

anniehoo

Tough one OP. What if you said to your wife "hey why dont we write down some of the stories you're telling me (or write them down yourself on your own)". If shes telling you stuff every night you'd have a pretty full list after a few weeks. Then get her to read what has been written. It may be a wake up call to her seeing so much info in black and white like that. Have you talked to the other siblings about this? Could they help at all?

LegacyUser

She needs to go see a counsellor, not one who's going to put her on meds, these will only cloud any good judgment she has, but someone who will help her through it, I don't know where you're based, but something like the below centre.

http://www.solascounselling.com/

You shouldn't feel bad that its wearing on you, of course it is, you're her sole sounding board, and there is only so much you can take, you're not a counsellor!!

As far as I'm concerned, GPs aren't going to be too much help, they're there for physical ailments, not mental ones.

You've done really well by yourself helping her through this, but a person can only take so much, your wife, along with her siblings should get into some counselling.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the quick reply. Through both councilling and my self she fully understands and has written down what the issues are. The problem is that the hold from her mother never goes away she has a hold over all the kids. For example when we were first married she phoned all her siblings to say she was going to kill herself at one in the morning which she did on a regular basis, she is still playing on all ther heads. She will ring just before you go to bed with all her woes.I tried getting the thee siblings to work together but the other two try and inore the problem which has cost her a marriage and the other just trys to forget but his wife tells me he jumps around the bed with nightmares. My wifes problem is that she has an inbuilt fear and lack of confidence. She has fearful feelings which she is blaming on herself and not her mother. They are all afraid to say anything to the mother incase she topps herself.

LegacyUser

The councillors wont deal with her until the meds start to level her off. But this is costing me a small fortune with the doctor and the meds costing over €200 a month just what I need in the middle of a recession and then add the price of a councillor onto that

wicklori

Hi OP,
I sypathise for the awful situation you re all in. Mental/emotional abuse is often under-estimated, but you are seeing first hand, the damage it does.
I work in an area related to the issues you are talking about, and my advice is that no matter what the cost-and I know that's easier said than done-stick wih the counselling. Lots of counselling services have a sliding scle and if you honestly explain that the cost is likely to be a barrier to your wife attending then it's likely they will work something out.
I would also advise you to get some support for yourself, as having a partner who is so vulnerable is draining-hence your post! Your kids need two parents operating roughly out of the full deck so you two owe it to them (as well as yourselves) to get the show back on the road.

wicklori

By the way-quick aside-meds shouldn't cost that much-get your drugs payment card sorted-then single cost for whole family-used to be €100 per month....

LegacyUser

Thanks a million for the help wicklori. Yes we are on the €100 medical benefit but the bloody doctor charges €50 every single visit. I just went home to meet her at lunch time and make sure that she was ok and we have agreed to reprioritise things. We were saving to go on a holiday this year but we agreed to cancell it and lose the deposit and put everything in to getting her right. I just feel so pissed off that someone could bring up kids like this. Thanks for all the advice I just feel burnt out and drained at the moment hopefully the week end will be better

JuliusCaesar

Unregistered wrote: »

The councillors wont deal with her until the meds start to level her off. But this is costing me a small fortune with the doctor and the meds costing over €200 a month just what I need in the middle of a recession and then add the price of a councillor onto that

Your wife can get the meds free from the HSE if a psychiatrist prescribes them. The Mental Health Services also have counsellors free, so she may be best off going there, they will be able to give her a lot of support too which will ease the burden on you. Ask the GP to refer her - the wait is usually about 2 weeks.