Flatmate seems to hate me!

LegacyUser

I'm so confused and upset right now. To cut a long story short, I moved to a foreign country a few weeks ago and looked for a flatshare online. I went to see a place I liked, the girl was really friendly and said she'd love me to move in so I did. She was really nice to me, we went shopping together and so on. Then about two weeks ago she started being really unfriendly to me for no apparent reason. The only thing I can think of is that I wasn't really up for talking to her friend when she came over and asked me a few questions, but I was on the phone and then MSN to my boyfriend, who had just found out his mum has cancer, so pretty stressed, and I'm shy about speaking the language as I've only been here a few weeks and speak it badly. Even so, I mean, that's hardly a reason to hate someone?!

She hasn't said a thing to me directly. She keeps putting venom filled Facebook statuses up which I'm pretty sure refer to me. The latest one says something about 'first appearances being deceptive' (??!) which is really strange because I'm a very genuine person, and very easygoing as well. I can't think of anything I could have done to make her think I was mean/an idiot. I've been myself since the day I moved in. I'm starting to get very angry about this myself now - if she's got a problem why on earth can't she say it to my face? I'm sitting here nearly in tears wondering what on earth I've done to offend her. I'm tidy, I'm not loud, I don't have gangs of friends over, I'm nothing like a nightmare flatmate. Even when she started being frosty to me, I tried to make conversation, ask her about her day and I was more or less blanked. I offered to get her stuff from the shop which she accepted and then blanked me.

This is so hard because I'm here on my own. I don't really have anyone to turn to or anywhere else to live. I'm not a doormat/muppet but she owns the place and I'm afraid to confront her in case she tells me to leave and I don't have anywhere else to go.

Outkast_IRE

best option here is just to ask her straight out what the problem is ,
ye got along fine at first so if i was you just ask what you have done to offend her
Best to be upfront about such situations other wise your just goin to stress yourself out with your head goin round in circles:cool:

Latchy

Not a nice situation to find yourself in and I am sure everybody reading this will feel for you .Sounds like she is trying to bully you, knowing your dependency on having no other place to go is giving her the edge .She might be jealous of you or just plain ol nasty .It would be good if you could get a third party to have a word with her but failing that ,you may just have to have a chat with her ,explaining your concern .And although you may feel alone in the physical sense ,your not alone on here . Lets know how things work out . I am sure others will be glad to advise you further should you need it .Good luck and best wish's

What nationality is she?

Honestly I don't think it is worth fixing that kind of relationship.....I'd move out.

Overheal

You need to ask, and air out the dirty laundry. Its absolutely detrimental to have problems where you sleep: has the potential to completely fcuk up everything else in your life. If they can't be resolved you will sadly need to look into better accommodations.

The only thing I can think of is that I wasn't really up for talking to her friend when she came over and asked me a few questions

Maybe the friend's first impression is working against you. Perhaps she talked to your flatmate behind your back and installed some doubts about you. "Who is this person you let into your house? She doesnt seem that nice. Not at all like you made her out to be."

Sure I thought I was alone one weekend at the apartment complex and had a bit of a personal session with the blinds behind my PC up - across the breezeway it appeared that the girl across was there cos the lights were on over there when I was done and Im fierce sure she must have saw me at some point. Needless to say she looked at me like I was a filthy pervert at all the block parties. Oh well. There are SOME first impressions that cant be unseen unfortunately.

LegacyUser

She's French with African parents.

I WOULD move out (haven't paid a deposit, nothing to lose) but it's really difficult to find somewhere for a short time - I'm only here 5-6 months more. I haven't had any replies from anywhere. As much as I dislike this situation, a hostel or hotel would cost a fortune in the long term.

She might be jealous of you or just plain ol nasty

Bit of both maybe. Don't get the jealous thing as I'm hardly living it up here, but funnily enough, she was very frosty when I received a big bunch of flowers at the door from my BF on Valentines Day. That might have been the start of it. I ended up wishing he hadn't sent them which is horrible. And also I don't think she's the nicest person around - when we were still friendly I heard her talk about people on the phone and to her mates, she's very harsh and bitchy.

edanto

That sounds horrible, sorry to hear it. I'm short on time, so I'll be as concise as I can.

You have three options.

Move, say something or stick it out.

I'd suggest 'Move' why bother trying to fix a relationship with a stranger when she's acting like that.

Keep looking for a place and escape as soon as you can!
It might well be worth asking her what the storey is in the meantime.
Might take the wind out of her sails.

sardineta

Are you in France now? There may be posters you could contact. Look for another place ASAP - I just knew you were going to say she was a French girl.

starchild

hi op

maybe try once if language barriers allows to ask her what is up , if nothing comes of this just move straight €out , even though its only 5-6 months being around someone as negative as she is will destroy your time there

prinz

Tbh, the only french people I've ever had a problem with have been franco - whatever, always of immigrant backgrounds. This has been the case of living in France, and also of sharing with a girl in Dublin. Frankly the girl who I shared with here was the very same as the girl with the OP. I don't think it's something personal. It's more of a cultural difference. It's most obvious in French of African origins, even if they are second or third generation. It's in their psyche, to be stand-offish and even rude with strangers and also foreigners. I once had a couple of French-Arabs talk about me, in front of me as we were in a group, openly and blatantly despite the fact that they knew I had excellent French, I think I probably looked like :eek: . Either you learn to not let it bother you and get past it, it's nothing you have done or said, or else move, possibly to a nicer part of town or student area where there are more foreigners etc. bonne chance.


Edit- Reread that and seemed I was being racist or soemthing, I am not. It's personal experience. You will learn the fact that you will get some frosty receptions from many people in France. You will also get warmer receptions than you might find in Ireland.