I just got dumped by email :-(

LegacyUser

I have been seeing a really nice man for a few weeks. We are both separated and had actually been together before (before we both got married many years ago) - anyway - we met up and it has been lovely and I just got an email saying he was going to give it a go with his wife as he didn't want any regrets and 'I know where he is if I want to chat'.

I'm a bit numb - kinda pissed off and tried to contact him - but with his job he can't take calls during the day -

It is so not a nice feeling. :-(

cantdecide

Why do these things have to happen?

jim o doom

I feel pretty bad for ya - and an email sure is a cowardly way to go about it - but you can't really blame someone for wanting to make it work with their spouse - people generally get married for a reason, maybe they're just trying to find that reason again..

Sadly the downside to this is you being dumped, which I empathise with

Rebel021

That is just wrong,

star-pants

That's a shame OP - email is unfortunate but at least he's allowing you to call him (just from the POV that you can speak to him & have your say) rather than just cutting you off completely.

It's good he wants to try and work it out with his wife, but very sad for you *hug*
Perhaps you can call him later and just talk it out? It might help you feel a bit better actually speaking to him. He should have just called you and told you this rather than mail it to you but seems it's a running theme in PI these days. Just the fact ye have obviously known each other a long time (on and off) you'd think he'd have given you the respect to call at least. Or meet up.

It's not a nice feeling at all, but the only upside is that ye spent a few weeks together before he decided to try with his wife. Rather than spent months&months and *then* he went to try with the wife. Silver linings are what get us through these moments.

LegacyUser

You know the funny thing in all this ? OK, total pain in the ass about the email, but I am mature enough to get over that. But dopey me still respects him because he is willing to try make his marriage work - and I applaud that.

I think I actually helped him make this choice as we were talking about it and he told me his wife wanted 'to talk' and I encouraged it in the sense that I didn't want to be clingy or childish and felt she needed closure if it was to end fully ! Am I an idiot or what ?

In the email he 'thanked me for my patience and understanding and that I may not feel it, but I helped him a lot' - I'm sure I did.

Bummer !

Nevyn

He can't be there for you, he has choosen to be there for his wife
and only says that to make himself feel better about his choice.

If I were you I would reply to his email with just one one word, "Fine" and then leave him to it.

He didn't respect you enough to have a face to face converstation with you or to ring you, he doesn't want to answer your questions about why or what you did 'wrong' it's not about you it's about him and were he is in his life and it's better this happened sooner then 6 months later.

Yes this is going to suck and he is a selfish ass for intruding on your work day
and expecting you not to get upset in work and it does seems that he has timed
it so you can't get a hold of him or he has the perfect excuse for why you can't
get in contact with you.

None of these things are indicators that he really cared for you or he would have
went about ending things in a way which was less callous to you rather then one
which is the most convient for him.

Sorry this has happened, may the next person you let into your life treat you a lot better.
It is such a pain in the arse when you are the person who helps them get things together
so they can make someone else happy.

star-pants

Unregistered wrote: »

In the email he 'thanked me for my patience and understanding and that I may not feel it, but I helped him a lot' - I'm sure I did.

You hun, are far from an idiot - don't think like that. You were being very understanding and kind to him and noone would fault you on that.

Thaedydal wrote: »

None of these things are indicators that he really cared for you or he would have
went about ending things in a way which was less callous to you rather then one
which is the most convient for him.
.

Very good post from Thaed - he didn't want you to be questioning him because it was nothing to do with you (ie nothing you did wrong). And if he did really care for you Thaed is right, he would have tried to take your feelings into account.

RossFixxxed

"If you lend someone €20 and never see them again it's 20 quid well spent."

Look he's not worth being around if he's that much of a coward. I'd say a lot of his marital problems come from the same spineless behaviour. You are better off getting away now before this develops further, and when he INEVITABLY comes crawling back just kick him to the kerb.

It sucks for you to have facilitated him to this, but don't beat yourself. There are **** like him out there, but there's a much nicer guy waiting for you somewhere!

Good luck OP
R

Kirnsy

bullet dodged tbh.

you deserve better OP remember that.

towel401

ya know I can sort of understand a woman dumping someone from the safety of her own computer screen in case the guy is a nutter and might do bad things when dumped in real life.

but this... this is just dispicable. there's no reasonable excuse, or even an unreasonable one for a grown man to do this.

prinz

Have previously been dumped by silence, just a complete cut of contact, this after a couple of months.Finally i got it made official by her friend. And told that if I tried to contact her again she'd call the Gardaí. At least he went to the bother of writing an email.


edit:/ im not THAT bitter. its a good drinking tale now.

Nervous Wreck

TBH, it sounds like the guy is just trying to focus on getting things rolling with his wife again and doesn't want to complicate things further by maintaining contact with you. It's a fairly cowardly way out to just e-mail you but it probably speaks more of his fears than of his callousness.... You seemed to think he was a nice man and you're probably right... But he's trying to salvage a marriage so, unfortunately, he's probably just got bigger fish to fry than worrying about vaguely hurting the feelings of a woman he was in the beginning stages with.... I'm not actually trying to sound harsh there, I'm just thinking that that could be his thought process....

Sorry to hear it anyway, I've been dumped via e-mail before but thankfully I didn't really like the girl anyway....